Can someone come up with some practical mother/mother-in law problems? my husband's mother is 73- window 1 yr.

Question

His widowed 73 yr. old mom was not attentive when he was a kid- shopped a lot-left caretaking to her parents and sisters. My husband of 2 yrs. told me parents never liked his ex.-money hungry and not nice to him- When I met parents, told me they had begged him not to marry her. Mother lives 1500 mi. away- rarely comes to vist, tho we ask her to- stays in touch with husband's ex., supposedly because of kids who my husband has every weekend anyway. Ex- gets money out of her. My husband wants nothing except love from his mother. She includes ex at family functions- I'm not comfortable. This week, there is a memorial for mother's sister- She is coming for it- Will stay with other relatives and hotel nr. ex. wife-"So she can see grandchildren" She could easily see them with my husband. My husband is loving and kind and hurt- so hurt. He asked so many times for her to stay in our home. He says," My mother doesn't like me." and ex is going to memorial- she and that aunt were not at all close.

Answer 1

Aww, that's a harsh situation. Your poor husband. How awful for him. She's obviously going out of her way to not include him. I don't understand either. The only thing I can think of is to tell your husband to leave her be, to turned a blind eye to her. Act unaffected and go on with his life. It hurts, and it always will. My mother isn't cruel like that, but she's never gone out of her way to include herself in my life either, and I've just learned over the years to turn a blind eye to it. I let her live her life, call her on occassion, but I'm closer to my grandmother than her. It's so hard, but there IS nothing he can do except tell her how he feels. Right now, he's a classic boy wanting in his mother's attention, so in a sense he sounds like he's waiting for her. Tell him to talk to her, tell her how he feels (which I'm sure he has, but suggesting just in case he really hasn't ever), how hurt he is by her actions, and then to live his life. He doesn't have to give her the cold shoulder and shut out, but I wouldn't go out my way to include her anymore. It's only hurting him more; she seems like she could care less how he feels.

Good luck. That's awful that parents do that to their kids. My husband's father did that to him and he spent his life just trying to get his father's attention. Painful to see.