I'm really bored, give me your best jokes and you could get 10 points!!!?

Answer 1

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

Answer 2

David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears to be in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace.

Victoria admiringly watching her husband.

After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop.

Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horses neck.

David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups.

As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness.

Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!

Hearing her screams, the Tesco Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse

Answer 3

couple driving along in their car, the mans wife knows he's been having an affair, so she decides on revenge. Pretending to be horny she pulls hubby's todger out and kisses it all over, but quick as a flash, she pulls out a knife and cuts it off, throwing his manhood through the window. Driving in the opposite direction are two nuns, the guy's severed member hits their windscreen with a loud 'plop', Sister Teresa leans forward, looks at the bloody penis and yells" f**king hell Sister Barbara, look at the size of the c**k on that fly"

Answer 4

woman and a man are involved in a severe car accident; both of their cars are totally damaged but amazingly neither of them hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you!" Woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is totally damaged but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, imdtly puts the cap back on,and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replied, "No. I think we wait for the police

Answer 5

For some time many of us have
wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We
find ourselves at a loss when someone
says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts,
you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married
O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt,
Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins
Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her
parents' objections, Deap Schitt married
Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and
Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later
married Ted Sherlock, and, because her
kids were living with them, she wanted to
keep her previous name. She was then known
as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,
and they produced a son with a rather
nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt
and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
childhood and subsequently married the
Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,
Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal
son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa
Schitt.

Now, when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt,"
you can correct them.

Answer 6

A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders 10 shots of tequila.

The bartender pours the shots and asks the man if he is feeling OK. The man responds by saying that he is fine and hes actually celebrating his first *******. He then knocks back all 10 shots one after the other.

The bartender says to the man, "Hey, since it was your first *******, let me buy you another shot."

The man replies "No, no... if 10 shots of tequila doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

Answer 7

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya
think you're doing?"

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says,
"G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill
myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says
"Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag but you're a real sport too."

And drives off.

Answer 8

This is long but VERY Funny


Once there was a boy going 2 his 1st day of kndergarten. The teacher goes around the room asking the students their names. She comes to the boy and asks him his name. He tells her he doesn't know his name. She tells him to go home early learn his name and come back tomorrow.

He goes home and tries to learn his name. He goes to his stepdad, who is very mean to him because he is only a stepchild. He asks "What is my name?" His stepdad replies "Shut up!" He asks him to repeat and again he says "Shut up!" So the boy leaves. He goes into his 17 year old brother's room who is watching a sex film. He asks his brother "What is my name?" His brother who doesn't even know that he is there says "Oh Hell Yeah!" So he just commits this to memory and leaves. Next he goes into his 15 year old sister's room who,like most other 15 year old girls, is on the phone. He yet again repeats his question "What is my name?" His sister not paying attention to him says "To Parrrty!" He leaves feeling very confident. He finally goes to his 6 year old brother's room. He hypnotized in T.V. cartoons. But he still asks "What is my name?" He responds with "SuperMan!"

The boy goes to school the next day seriously happy. The teacher does the same thing she did the day before because she wants to learn everyones' names. She gets to the boy and says "So, What is your name?" The boy replies in a confident yell "Shut up!" The teacher, shocked by this remark, says "What did you say?" The boy repeats "Shut up!". The teacher,now angry, asks "Do you want to go to the principal's office!?!" The boy says "Oh Hell Yeah!" So she sends him to the principal's office.

He gets to the office and the principal,who already knows what crime was committed , asks "Do you think it's funny to tell a teacher to shut up? What do you think we come to school for?" The boy then replies "To Parrrty!" The principal, now he too furious, yells at the boy "Who the hell do you think you are?" The boy yells back "SUPERMAN!!!"

Answer 9

What has George Michael and a pair of wellington boots got in common?






They both get sucked of in bogs!

Old but good!

Answer 10

A joke is these stupid questions asking for jokes, trying to give away 10 points, like it is life or death...