Any Good Jokes Around?

Answer 1

Duck goes into bar, orders round for the house.

Barkeep says, that'll be $100.

Duck says, can you put that on my bill?"

Quaaaaack!

Answer 2

String Theory

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here."

So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Answer 3

You are on a stagecoach. To your right is a huge dropoff. To your left is an elephant, behind you is a leopard, and in front of you is a giraffe. What do you do?


A: You get your drunk a** off the carousel.


What does DNA stand for?

A: The National Dyslexic Association.

a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and the rabbi says, "Did you hear the one about us?"

Answer 4

A woman and a man are involved in a severe car accident; both of their cars are totally damaged but amazingly neither of them hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you!" Woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is totally damaged but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, imdtly puts the cap back on,and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replied, "No. I think we wait for the police

Answer 5

these 3 guys were in the forest and 1 was an einstein 1 was averagely smart and 1 was plain stupid. so they get hungry and the einstein says,"Ill go get food" and later he comes back with a deer and says "i found tracks, followed them, and killed this deer." later they get hungry again and the averagely smart one says "its my turn to get food" and later he comes back with a bunny and says " i found tracks, followed them and killed this bunny." later they get a little hungry again and the stupid guy says "its my turn now" later he comes back all beaten and bloody and says " i found tracks followed them and got hit by a train"

Answer 6

I Know One,But Its A "Yo Momma" Joke,and you might not find it to be funny.This Is how it goes....

"After U Was Born,Yo Momma Had Morning Sickness,AFTER U WAS BORN!!!"

LOLzzz....

Answer 7

My friend was fired from the M & M factory. He was throwing out all the W's.

Answer 8

umm...☺Mercedes_Be... it would be funnier if you said "you were so ugly that yo momma had morning sickness after you were born".....or something like that.

And while it is disturbing, my favorite joke will always be:
"How many blondes does it take to paint a wall?"
"Depends how hard you throw them!"

Answer 9

Around?

Two chubbies were sitting in a bar and one tells the other, "your round" and the other says, "look who's talking, you fat bastard!"

Answer 10

what does a moped and a fat girl have in common?
they're both fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to see you on them.