Dad dating (too soon?) after Mom's death.?

Question

My 62 year old Mom died in April 2006. My Dad announced he had a lady-friend in July 2006 (3 1/2 mos. later). My brother and I don't know how to take this news. We think it is too soon and disrespectful to my mom's memory, etc... It appears this relationship he has is getting more and more serious. How should we react? Mom was sick for several years and even said Dad would - and should find someone else...but in barely 100 days? Comments, PLEASE! Thanks, Betty

Some additional details (and thanks for all answers, too, and extra thanks for condolences...I miss her dearly.): Mom and dad were married 40 years in 10/2006. Mom was sick for 5 years and very sick for all of 2006. My Dad has been a decent father - the older I get the more I appreciate this. My brother and I have been respectful and not been angry or mean with my dad - we've been quiet about how we personally feel, except my brother did tell him it seemed a bit quick. When Dad told me, I told him I supposed that would be good for him (it was hard to say, but I said it...). My Dad is out of state currently, but will be coming back in a few weeks. His friend lives in another state, also - they met while both were visiting mutual friends. Is he preparing brother and I for something more (gulp, marriage, moving in?)? Not worried about siblings!!!LOL I do want Dad to be happy, but I also want my Mom/her memory to be respected. Thanks to all who answer!

Answer 1

Betty,

Some people cope in different ways. Your father was so accustomed to being with someone and having that companionship. Now that your mother has passed on (sorry for your loss) he is not trying to disrespect your mother in the least but move on and try to find happiness once again. He is trying to find that companionship and sense of closeness to someone that he had with your mom.

As you stated, she told him that he should find someone else and she probably said this because she didn't want him to be alone for the rest of his life.

It's very hard to find someone to be with and go back to square one in the dating process when your older like your father. This explains why things are moving so quickly with this new woman.

He knows that he isn't young anymore and that he doesn't have all the time in the world to find someone new.

Respect your fathers decision to try and make himself happy. The memory and love he had/has for your mother will always be in his heart.

Answer 2

First off you have my deepest sympathies about your mother. Second you said your mom was sick for several years correct? Maybe during that time your father had already started his grieving period. Her death was just the expected. Harsh but true. Do I think 3.5 months is too soon? Absolutely! But I am not your father and you are not either. Your father needs to do what is best for him just as you and your brother need to do whats best for you. No one says you have to be best friends with this new woman but you should be respectful. I would definitely have a sit down with your dad and explain your feelings. At least you both know where the other comes from. I am sure your family doesn't want to go through any more hurt then it already has. Best of luck to you all.

Answer 3

I can only tell you, without suggesting anything, it's pretty damned lonesome and devastating to lose someone you love. As much as one may love their children, children can't bring the comfort that another person can.
It may be that this person can offer the solace he may need right now. I hope it's not with an agenda. And that is your concern, without a doubt.
I'm afraid that there's very little you can do to interfere. I can tell you that it's no different than parents interfering with teens and their choices. The more objections, the more resentment.

I lost my first wife, suddenly. I did not seek out anyone as I immersed myself in my business. I remarried 3 years later. She died suddenly. Both young.

I met a gal 8-9 months later. It was only lunches and dinner. She was younger than I. We dated on and off for nearly three years, and married. My children had objections to this one, but it ticked me off. They were right. It was for money. I divorced 1 1/2 years later.

She called me last week to come back. She had just divorced, physically abused.

No, it's too late. But I learned the hard way.

Best that I can suggest is try to get to know her. You might be pleasantly surprised.
I hope so.

Answer 4

Who are you to say that its too soon? Everybody grieves in there own way over their own time frame. Your dad knew you mom a lot longer than you did, don't think you have sole grieving rights over her. If his friends is helping him get on with his life you should be happy for him. I doesn't mean he didn't love your mom or is completely over her. It means he knows he still has a life to live and has to grab at the chance if he meets someone he thinks he could love.

Death in a family is terrible and sad for everyone. My dad passed away May 2006. My mom is really lonely. If she started seeing someone I would be happy for her.

Our dad will always be in our memories but all of us have to go on without him. We are not about to stop living and I wouldn't expect my mother too.

Let your dad be happy. When he is gone you will surely regret any issues you had with him over this. Your mom would be happy to know he is not sitting at home sad and lonely every night and you should be too.

Answer 5

speeding up the dating scene because he's older seems natural. They each know what they want, and they will have a good idea if things will work out. If eveyone's out of the house he's probably just looking for some companionship and a way to fill in the gaps that were left. If it's too fast for you, maybe you should talk to him about it. Ask for some time to get to know his new lady friend, and make sure you actually make an effort to get to know her.

Answer 6

Sorry about your Mom. Some People, Dad, react in different ways. He may need the company of a Women. His relationship with your Mom, made him this way. It must of been a really good one. He's trying to recapture those feelings. I know how tough this is, I suggest, mind your own business., whats best for him, at this time!!!

Answer 7

often times people who have been in a long time relationship dont know how to be alone it may not be a dis respect to your mum maybe just a cry for help.
in that generation it is all about independance and so he may not want to be a bother to you, that is why he has got a new partner at the end of the day it not your buisiness are you willing to accommodate/? perhaps the toll of your mums illness was more than you know let him have some fun

Answer 8

i'm sorry for you. i can by no skill think of being on your place, how hurtful it somewhat is. Why do no longer you bypass including your individuals and people who enjoyed the doorstep dad? acquaintances do somewhat help. Is your mom the form who tries to cover her grief by skill of throwing herself right into a dating, looking somebody to fill the hollow? then returned, maximum might agree which you have others to think of approximately. consistent with danger some thing could be labored out appropriate to that.

Answer 9

Your dad probably is so used to the companionship of someone else that he needs to be with someone right now. If it is what makes your dad happy, you need to support him and love him just the same. The timing probably could have been better, but your dad has already lost the love of his life. Don't let him lose another chance. Don't think of it as him being rude to your mother's memory. Don't think of it as him not giving respect or not loving your mother. Think of it as his chance to mend what has already been broken.

Answer 10

hey listen some ppl dont move on c they cant face anyone else....some NEED to move on to continue there lives....ur mom and dad most likely talked abt this bc she doesnt want to see him alone...its between then....if ur dad brought home a girl in 3 months, 6 months, 1-2 yrs u still would get upset...its natural...as long as he doesnt stop talking abt memories doesn't put away all the pics, stops doing wht u guys use to do together...u shouldnt be worried...think of it this way...if ur dads older then ur mom...how long more do u think he has to enjoy the REST of his life?...most likely he was a good husband and a faithful one too if ur mom never said anything....just step back and think abt all of this