Is it possible for a man and a woman to be just platonic friends?

Question

My personal experience has demonstrated that a man and a woman can not be platonic friends. I have had some great and close friendships with women in which I didn't expect anything other than friendship. However, most of the time the friendship eventually turned into having sex even if we were involved with another lover. I believe that most friendships between a man and a woman will lead to a sexual encounter. I can now see how my serious girlfriend does not want me to have any lady friends, and I feel the same about a girlfriend not having any guy friends. Of course, this is all just based on my experience but I just can't see how a man and a woman can be "just friends".

Answer 1

Probably many people will disagree with this answer, but that's only because deep down, they know it's true.

Friendships, at their most basic level, are built around similarity. We seek out friendships with individuals who can relate to things, feel things, appreciate things, admire things, understand things, and enjoy things, the way we do. The reality is that men and women are different, those differences are innate, and they cause us to experience the world in different ways.

A typical heterosexual man doesn't want a woman who behaves like a man, and vice versa. We tend to prefer the opposite gender to be just that, opposite. Different. Difference is what fuels our urges, and drives the universe. When we're hungry, we seek to be satiated. When we're exhausted, we seek to be resting or sleeping. Basic urges are clearly defined by the dramatic difference we feel when they are fulfilled or unfulfilled.

Nature has infused us with a strong basic urge to perpetuate our species. To that end, our species has diversified into male and female, with "difference" being the primary mode of attraction. We are sexually attracted to that which is unlike us, and repulsed by that which is the same.

When men and women suppress the urge to perpetuate the species (which, by the way, is what we are all doing every day in our normal interactions) we are essentially forcing ourselves to overlook our differences for the sake of the interaction at hand. If a person is buying groceries, they can't hop over the counter and start mating with the cashier, no matter how attractive they may find that person. In order to have a functioning society, men and woman have learned to resist nature, but we don't really like it.

By overlooking our differences, all that is left are our similarities - which are, as we've noted, the stuff of friendships. The trouble is, these similarities are not TRUE similarities, but are the remains of an unnaturally forced situation. Behind them is repressed sexual energy, the urge to mate, which can manifest in dozens of different ways, from harmless flirtation to illegal rape.

When a man and women are in close proximity with each other for a period of time, they (mostly she) have little trouble fighting the urge to mate, but when they are forced to spend increasing periods of time together, especially one-on-one, nature starts to intervene. This is quite literally outside our control, and NECESSARY for perpetuation of the species.

In humans nature has selected for the male to be the aggressor, or pursuer in reproduction. What this means is that biologically, we are instinctual programmed to look a females as potential ways of advancing our DNA into the next generation ALL THE TIME. No matter how much a man denies it, there is always some small primitive area in his brain that says, "if I wanted to, I could have sex with this woman and perpetuate my genes, whether she is interested or not." A male brain will work on ways of achieving this, because this is what nature wants.

Women, since they are submissive in the reproduction scenario, don't get a choice. Now in today's modern society, women are protected from unwanted sexual advances, but prior to modern society, they could either be willing or unwilling participants. Men MUST be willing participants for sex to occur. In other words, in primitive conditions, men have total control over whether or not the sex act happens. It's pretty safe to assume that there weren't a lot of male-female friendships among our hunter/gatherer fore-bearers. Why would there be? Friendship would only have been a prelude to pair bonding, the result of which would have been perpetuation of the males DNA.

Because modern society has protected women from the natural and normal male urge to mate whenever possible, a strange peculiarity has manifested - the male/female friendship. Now, for those males who claim you are "just" friends with a woman, ask yourselves this and be totally honest... how long would you remain "just friends" with this woman on a deserted island? Forget about keeping the species going, you'd have sex just to avoid the boredom! I don't care what she looks like, or whether or not you feel attracted to her right now, put a man and woman in close proximity for a long enough period of time, and the man ( assuming he is a healthy heterosexual) will eventually pursue sex. A woman might do the same, but since nature has not selected females as the aggressor, she may remain content without sex for a significantly longer period, but this only because she has no choice!

So it is possible for a man and woman to be platonic friends, so long as societal and other checks are kept in place, but its a farcical friendship, built on denial. Remove those checks and nature will take over, as it should. Sexual pair pair-bonding (ie. marriage) is the only way men and women can maintain friendship, and even that is difficult.

Answer 2

No (not applicable to those who know each other for very short period of time as most people start from platonic friends).

Personally I feel that there will be some kind of 'feeling' with your other-sex friend which is out of platonic friend's kind of feeling. Just like how u talk or behave with your other-sex friend is different when you are with your same-sex friend. When the feeling is different, you will slowly (unknownly) get into relationship with him/her. Sometimes, you don't even know it! That's why there are people keep insisting that he/she and his/her other-sex friend are just platonic friends. =)

Answer 3

You can be friends, but you have to acknowledge that although there may be attraction, to act on it would be an end to your friendship as you know it. I have MANY guy friends and about once a year, each of them will hit on me. I always smack 'em upside the head and remind them that I would rather have a friend for life than a ****. I can get that anytime but friends are much harder to come by.

Answer 4

I have been in similair situations. The guy who was my best friend since grade school, when we became teenagers I totally thought I was in love with him. Before he left for college we admitted our feelings and he had felt the same way. We dated briefly but he found someone else and I was okay with it and happy for him. But I was glad we got our feelings out in th eopen or I would have always wondered if he felt the same way. All the other male friends I have had, never stayed platonic. Unless I wasnt attracted to them. Maybe that's the key!

Answer 5

i have many more female friends then male friends. 95 percent of those friendships have always remained platonic and always will

Answer 6

Absolutely as long as both parties know its nothing more. I have lots of guy friends, and every once in a while they get handsy, but i just tell them that we are friends, lets keep it that way.

Answer 7

They totally can be just friends. It isn't hard as long as they respect each other and neither one tries to "cross the line" of friendship.

Answer 8

Sorry to contradict you but friendship works for me and mine.

Answer 9

Yes i believe it is possible.I think it all depends on the individual's self control.

Answer 10

yes a man can be just friends with you