My parents are divorced and have been since i was 3. My dad is remarried but my mom is not. And growing up my mother was never around. She never came to see me on bdays or anything. Didnt even go to my graduation. and my dad and stepmom hate her for that and she hates them. but my question is this. What do i do about inviting all 3 of them to my wedding? Im afraid that there will be a big fight. I mean my dad didnt even go to my half sisters wedding cuz he was afraid my mom would be there. Me and my half sis have diff dads.But what should i do about all 3 of them being there? Im worried about it.
2006-08-23 03:32:02 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
How much do you really want your mom there? Have you grown closer recently? If she's really not there for you and you father and step-mom are, I would worry more about their feelings than her's. It takes more than blood to be family. If you think she will ruin YOUR day don't invite her.
2006-08-23 06:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by pebble 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. Remember it's not really only 'your' day, it's everyone that is there with you too. You may be at the center of attention but the guests attitudes and vibes set the tone.
2. The problem between your mother and your father may go deeper than you know. There are some things too horrible to tell your children, ever. If your dad and stepmom hate her so much, there has to be a reason after all this time- you don't need to know why, just accept it.
3. If you mother wanted to be included in the special moments in your life it would have happened before your wedding day, to ask her to come is to tempt fate. You do not know how she will react or behave if she comes. I don't think you could even guess at how she behaves at special events, much less know how she would react being in close proximity to your father.
4. If you invite your mother you may put a terrible emotional strain on the people who raised you, and try as they might to be cool with it, most likely there will be many uncomfortable moments which make for terrible memories.
It's your wedding day, plan for a happy one, and remember, if the parents of the bride aren't happy then NOBODY is happy.
2006-08-23 14:15:36 · answer #2 · answered by logical_centrist 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The most important question to ask yourself is if you would like her there. If you want her to be there then invite her. Could it be that your father didn't go to your half-sisters wedding because he felt out of place as he was of no blood relation? If you are going to invite her take your Dad aside and tell him that you know he doesn't want to be around your mother but that you really want both of your parents to be at your wedding. Let him know you will make your best effort to make sure that they both have a great time without having to interact with each other. If he has a problem with it just remind him that it is your day and he is being selfish. It is only a couple of hours not a lifetime. Relax and enjoy your wedding day. It goes by quickly!
2006-08-23 18:37:59 · answer #3 · answered by spottedtiger2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a book, by Magorie Engle, called, Weddings, A Family Affair, dealing ONLY with divorced parents, step parents, step siblings, half siblings. It's a r-e-a-l good book.
Talk to both parents. Ask them to check their hatred, hurt & any ill manners they may have at the door. This is YOUR WEDDING. Tell them you would love to have them there but IF they cannot behave in a mature way, you would rather they not show up to your wedding.
I know this is difficult for you, but realize that whether they are there or not, you are marrying your beloved.
Have your groomsmen & maybe a few others aware of the potential problems among these family members. Have them keep a watchful eye, so that if they see anything erupting, they can escort the guilty party (or parties) out the door. You hate to have to have bouncers at your wedding, but sometimes it's a necessity.
2006-08-23 10:51:03 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ugh that's a bad situation and I'm in a bad one myself. My fiance's parents are divorced, and after his father's delinquent child support payments, years of absence, and rampant alcohol abuse, his mother's side of the family doesn't want to see his face, even though he has recently made a sincere effort to change his ways and redeem himself. Between this and the never-ending family feud between my fiance's grandparents and his now "step-grandparents" (his mom is remarried) the fighting never seems to end. But you know what?? I don't care. I'm inviting them all. Because here's the deal: Whoever you don't invite will be hurt and offended, so you're better off not creating MORE bad blood and inviting everyone, even the "black sheep". I refuse to become involved in a family feud that will most likely never be resolved anyway, so if they all come to the wedding and can't get along, then it's on their immature shoulders and not mine! Besides, even if your mom was absent most of your life, can you really say that you don't want her at your big wedding day? I think that would hurt you more than it would hurt her. Go with your heart, what YOU want to do and who YOU want there. It's your day and, sorry, but everyone else needs to suck it up and deal with it. They should be worried about your happiness, not what happened in the past. If they can't, then it's their loss.
2006-08-23 11:08:13 · answer #5 · answered by melody71081 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let me first tell you that my dad's parents are divorced and got married again to different people. At my parents wedding my dad's dad and his mom didnt' fight at all. They were in a good mood at the wedding. But at my dad's sisters wedding they did fight a lot! But my advice for you is to invite all three of them! If you really want them to come then why not invite them. After all they are your parents. Nothing venctured nothing gained.
2006-08-23 10:43:41 · answer #6 · answered by itillianchk10 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of what issues your dad and stepmom have with your mom, those should not spill over onto your day. If you want your mom to be there, then invite her. I'm sure your dad will understand that. If she doesn't come, then your dad will just hate her more, which probably won't be much of a change from what things are like now. If she does come, then maybe it will soften things up for the future. Just don't sit them at the same table.
2006-08-23 11:16:18 · answer #7 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1) MOST IMPORTANT: The rule of etiquette is that you send invitations to everyone whom you want to attend. PERIOD. If you want your mom to be there, then invite her. Conversely, if you don't want her there, you are under no obligation to invite her.
1a) I also agree with whomever said she's not likely to show up, hence most of this is likely to be moot. But I'm snarky like that.
2) Dispense with the tradition of "bride's side" versus "groom's side". That way, if they all show up, they can be seated as far from each other as possible.
3) Dispense with the idea of formalized seating at the reception, so that you don't have to stress about whom to seat where without offending whom. I think that's a big ol' crock anyway - I don't understand why folks would be *obligated* to talk to each other just because they're now related by marriage. If folks want to mingle, they can.
4) Consider going with a medieval/Renaissance theme for your wedding and giving out daggers or swords to all the groomsmen, so they can more effectively help keep the peace! My friends used this strategy (though fortunately, 1a applied to them as well and there were no problems). Just 'cause a sword isn't "battle ready" doesn't mean you can't club somebody with it!
2006-08-23 11:59:13 · answer #8 · answered by Katie S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My "dad" never was a part of my life and at first i invited him to try to bridge the gap, but when he found out he wasnt giving me away he had a fit and cussed me out. He thought it was right as a the man who impregnted my mom to walk me down the aisle. I told him not to come. my day will be better without him it. Only you can decide whether to ave your mom there or not, but in the end it is YOUR DAY and everyone who loves you will should respect your wishes.
2006-08-23 23:33:34 · answer #9 · answered by Mommy-of-Twins 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want your mother there, then it's your wedding, and you should invite her. BUT (big but) I would sit both her and your dad down (separately) and explain that you want them both to behave themselves and act like adults in the others presense. Remind them that at one time in their lives, they loved each other enough (or thought they did) to conceive and have you. I would then have your dad repeat all that to your step-mom, who has obviously loved you enough to be the mother in your life since you were 3. Explain to them all how important it is for you to have them treat each other civilly on your important day, and if they love you enough, they will, because they want you to be happy on your big day. Whoever feels they can't behave themselves, them ask them to please not come, but let them know how that will affect you. Hopefully this will be a time when people can act like adults, for a few hours. You're not asking them to be best friends for the love of Pete, just to be polite to each other for a few hours. Best of luck to you!
2006-08-23 12:38:54 · answer #10 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋