ADHD...help in the home??

Question

My husband and I seriously think that his 6 year old son has ADD/ADHD. We are trying EVERYTHING to figure out house rules that can also apply to him. Everytime we ask him questions like "Why did you do this?" or "Why are you running in the house?" or "Did you hit your sister?", his answers are "I don't know" but he also cries when he answers. BUT, he knows that the rule in the house is no running, no hitting and other things. He can tell me every single rule that we have here. If we ask him, "Did you turn off your light?" he'll look right at you and say "NO". He runs into things alot, because he doesn't seem to pay attention to what he is doing. He lies alot, he had started stealing, he cries and whines over EVERYTHING. My husband said hi to him the other day when he came home from work, and his son started crying. He wasn't in trouble or anything. I need to know how to discipline my 7 yr. old daughter and step-son equally fair without being harder on one and not the other.

Further more, we need to know how to do this and at the same time take my step-sons "issues" (for lack of better word) into consideration. He justs seems very distracted, doesn't pay attention, and emotional.

he also seems to give up VERY easily when doing something, or he just downright doesn't try. He'll say that he can't do it, without even attempting to try at all.

I love my step-son so very much, and it hurts me that he seems unhappy. I cried one day because at x-mas time he came home with a drawing he made of reindeer (who are supposed to happy images for kids) instead of smiles, his reindeer had very mad looking faces.

I know that it is a "chemical imbalance", and not a disease. I have done my homework. I know that we have to get his tested and go from there. Ritalin is NOT an option that we are going to seek. There is something else out there called STRATTERA, which I am getting information on. His year in KINDERGARTEN was okay, except for he did not-so-good in the :getting along with peers" section. He would yell in his teachers face when he doesn't get his way, or always blames the other kids for getting him in trouble, and then he didn't want to play with them because he thought they didn't like him BECAUSE he said he was always in trouble. The main issue that we have also is that my husband feels that I am harder on his son than I am my daughter, which EVERYONE in our family sees as the opposite. I am harder on her, which I have stopped recently, than I am him because I think he needs help. My husband has a VERY short temper, I think its because he is upset that his son is like this.

All points are really very good. We do teach them that they need to ask before taking something, we repeat everything, we have rewards and consequences for rules broken. He is not hyper, he fidgets, but not bouncing off the walls. They do not get sugar stuff, or "junk-food". We have cereal, eggs, OJ, good lunches with healthy snacks, and for dinner it is chicken, or some meat, pasta or rice, and always veggies. They LOVE spinach. we explain the diffs between stealing and such, without the yelling. They do not watch much TV, that is a privilege if they can behave for a good part of the day and then they get to watch just one movie of their choice. We have them involved with everyday things, and they have small chores like taking care of the pets. they both go to bed at 8pm. I mean, I feel like I am doing everything that I can to help him, but it doesn't seem to be working. His bio mother let's him do what he wants and that knocks down what we are trying to do here. FRUSTRATING

UNSEEN FORCE... no offense to you, but when my step-son PEES upstairs in one of my daughters toys and says he didn't do it and that my daughter did, so she gets punished for it, then he tells us the truth after my daughter had already gotten into a lot of trouble, that is called "LYING". We did not put that in his head, or turn him into an ADD child. He lied to get out of trouble, and blamed it on someone else. I know the difference. I will not back-off when he is doing things like that and my daughter is the one being punished for his lies.

Answer 1

Take him to a doctor there is a simple diagnostic questionnaire to initially diagnose ADHD, then if its positive FIND a specialist Do not let your regular MD prescribe meds without seeing a child Psychologist.

Be very careful with labeling him or treating him differently than your daughter, discipline and rules should be the same, he may just get more infractions than her but the BIGGEST thing to remember is consistency.......with chores , rules , bedtimes, rewards too!

Im sure you do love him...but unfortunatrly love is not always enough if his behavior problems disrupt your household , his schooling and your daughters mental health. Just be sure to evaluate all your options before you are set on a tx plan...many drugs they use are controlled substances and have side effects that are not healthy. Talk to his teachers and see how his behavior is in groups too.

From your additional information I am not convinced that what your stepson suffers from is ADHD~Fidgeting is a pretty normal activity where as bouncing off the walls is not , thats what my son did literally. They sneaking and deliberate *peeing* on your daughters stuff sounds more like an impulse control issue...you mentioned his B.O. mom...do you think she could be possibly putting ideas in his head to upset the household?
Your best bet is an eval asap...and Good Luck it seems you are doing all you can.

Answer 2

You've had some really good, helpful answers on this and I can't give you any more information than they have done. However, my interest in this is that my other half has ADD and I get so fed up of reading some of the cr*p replies denying it's existence. I used to think it was a name for badly behaved kids, but then I started working with kids diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and then I met my chap and whether or not you accept or deny the disorder there is certainly something different about him!

You will have to persist and take your stepson to a child psychologist and take it from there as other people have suggested. It's not a life sentence and can easily be dealt with compassion and effort. In fact, it can often be quite fun once you've got through this difficult stage.

Good Luck to you all.

Answer 3

My son has ADHD and he's about the same age. Sounds pretty close to my son. There are other disorders that are similar. They tried to diagnose my son as austic because of it all. They also said he had a defiant/conduct disorder. The best thing you can do is go to a behavioral pediatric therapist/psychologist. There you can learn what and how to deal with your child and they will teach him ways to have self-control. If medication is needed they will also be able to add that to his therapy. If you would like to see if adderall or ritalin might help. Try this.... have him drink several 3-4 expressos at one time.... I know this sounds crazy but kids with adhd medications seem to work Opposite on them. Adderall is a amphetamine just like diet pills that would make the normal person hyper. I gave my son Benydryl one time and he bounced off the walls for hours most kids sleep for hours after taking it. It's a long road, but try to keep him busy, stay firm on all rules, keep your promises on the consequences, don't let him see that he's making you crazy or angry, and try to steer him from situations that agitate his behavior. My son is worse say when he is in the store or in a public setting. You also need to learn his limits. If he truly has adhd he probably "can't" sit quietly for a long period of time. He shouldn't be punished for that.

Answer 4

HI,
Wow, That's my kid your talking about.
My 10 year old started showing signs of ADD at about the same age. Probably sooner but some of the behavior is expected in a toddler.
We tried a lot of things to help him. Structured schedules, rewards for good behavior, penalties for poor behavior, special diet, and anything else that was suggested to us. We sometimes had short periods of success but in the end the behavior always returned.
At this time he is taking a medication called "Stratera." It's a new medicine that helps him to concentrate without the speed side effects of older meds like "Ritalin" He's just started taking it again after the summer off and I have to say the stuff works. He's still him, it hasn't altered his personality, but he has a lot more control over his own actions. The biggest problem we had with it was teaching him how to swallow a pill. (it's time released so it has to be swallowed whole) Most importantly he is Happier and less frustrated.
The biggest thing that you have to remember is that ADD is a real problem. He's not in control of it. With our boy we had to realize that he dosen't like being out of control any more than we or his teachers like it. The crying and frustration that were frequently interupting our lives came from his being frustrated at his inablity to concentrate. I think of it like a switch being thrown. Every time he would set his mind on something his brain would throw a switch and he would be distracted by something else, as soon as he starts to focus on his new goal BAM his brain goes somewhere else, and so on and so on until someone tries to put him back on track.
OK just two more points.
Be careful of what you label as Lying or Stealing. ADD kids often forget what the truth is. They also tend to "borrow" without asking and without remembering to put back. Yes they also steal sometimes...I think the word NO becomes a very frustrating barrier for them and so they work around it as best they can. I'm not saying we dismiss the behavior but I try to be carefull of the words I use to describe it.
Last, ADD is often an inherited trait. Look to his blood relitives for signs that this not new in his family. I have ADD. My Mother has ADD and my daughter also has ADD. Once your whole family gets used to the idea that he's not alone it will make understanding him alot eaiser.

Alot of people are going to tell you that ADD dosen't exsist. They have no clue. Denial is the worst way to help somone.
contact me at rstephenfitz yahoo com if I can help in any way.

Answer 5

When son pees on sisters toys and denies it and you know he did it? time to spanky spanky and tell him NO LIES...tell him if he tells the truth, you won't spank him...but if youcatch him in a lie he will get punished...and then stick to your rules...it will make him learn that the truth is much better than lying...and back off of him a little...Don't sound like he is got ADD...something else is going on..does he get to go burn off some kid energy at the park when dad comes home? Maybe dad can tell him to be a good boy and help mom and on say friday or something he will be rewarded and go to the park or to a ball game or something...does he go to baseball games yet with dad? Find himsomething he loves to do he is just a kid who sounds more like he is frustrated with you guys...sorry not trying to be mean..you don't REASON with kids..you don't ask them WHY are you running in the house. You tell him no running in the house..if he doesn't listen? time out or whatever it is that you do..I would spank mine...Of course he is going to say I don't know. But he knows. He is doing it because you told him not to. Now discipline him. He sounds pretty normal to me...and tell your husband and you to tell him the old standby, Big boys don't cry...take him fishing...does he have anything neat to do? Go to the car races...take him to some things and make a reward out of it...let him know that the rewards for trying to do good are good ones...and don't compare him to his sister ...Good luck from an old mom...

Answer 6

I have a 6 year old daughter who is incredibly hyper, distracted and overly dramatic at times. Her teacher tried to tell me she thought she has ADD, but I dont think thats the case. One thing you need to keep in mind is your step son is 6 years old, hes just a child. Kids are hyper and unruley at times. If he is overly emotional maybe he isnt getting enough (good) sleep at night. My exhusband and his wife started putting my daughter to sleep at 8, and that has made a difference. Another thing people often over look is diet. We had to cut sugar and make sure if she was eating junk food she was doing it in very small doses. Kids dont need that crap anyway. I spoke with a nutritionist while I was pregnant with my second daughter and she told me that diet plays a much larger role than people realize when it comes to behaivor. About equal discipline, thats easy...you have a set consequence for disobedience. Dont let him being sensitive stop you from establishing boundaries. Some advice I was given about punishment is that you need to put the responsiblity on them. In other words, ask him "why did you....?" if he does respond with " i dont know" explain to him that he knows what happens when he disobeys, and that was why he was punished. Its very important to be quick with the punishment and follow up with lots of love, so they know you aren't holding a grudge.

Answer 7

The term "ADHD" is simply a label used to categorise a list of psychosocial traits that Psychiatry considers to be improper or abnormal in society. Psychiatry defines these traits as a "mental illness", and promotes it as a "disease" that requires "treatment".

It is not a "disease", despite claims or implications made by certain psychiatric or pharmaceutical organisations. There is NO credible scientific evidence that shows the existence of what constitutes "ADHD" as a biological/neurological disorder, brain abnormality or "chemical imbalance".

"For a disease to exist there must be a tangible, objective physical abnormality that can be determined by a test such as, but not limited to, blood or urine test, X-Ray, brain scan or biopsy. All reputable doctors would agree: No physical abnormality, no disease. In psychiatry, no test or brain scan exists to prove that a 'mental disorder' is a physical disease. Disingenuous comparisons between physical and mental illness and medicine are simply part of psychiatry's orchestrated but fraudulent public relations and marketing campaign." Fred Baughman, MD., Neurologist & Pediatric Neurologist.

"Chemical imbalance…it’s a shorthand term really, it’s probably drug industry derived… We don’t have tests because to do it, you’d probably have to take a chunk of brain out of someone - not a good idea." Dr. Mark Graff, Chair of the Committee of Public Affairs for the American Psychiatric Association. July, 2005.

Such behavioural characteristics that Psychiatry created this unscientific "disease" from are, and always have been, generally considered "normal". Now, it seems, inattention or "hyperactivity" (Hyperactivity means 'excessively active'* -- what is excessive? On whose authority?? It's ridiculous!!) is abnormal, a "mental illness".

For a rundown of the exact diagnostic criteria of "attention deficit disorder" visit: http://groups.msn.com/psychbusters/diagnosticcriteria.msnw

For information on the junkscience behind psychiatric "testing" for "ADHD" visit: http://adhdtesting.org/

For a list of what inattention COULD be attributed to (rather than some fraudulent "mental illness") visit: http://adhdparentssupportgroup.homestead.com/50conditionsmimicingADHD.html

For more information, see:

http://groups.msn.com/psychbusters/addadhd.msnw
http://groups.msn.com/psychbusters/adhdfacts.msnw
http://www.adhdfraud.org/
http://www.ritalindeath.com/
http://cchr.org/files/7515/child_drug_EN.pdf
http://www.ablechild.org/

"We are not "overdrugging" or misdiagnosing" ADHD. ADHD is a total, 100 percent fraud. The many millions of schoolchildren around the world who are being drugged have no disease." Fred Baughman, Jr., M.D. Child Neurologist and a Fellow of the American Academy of Neurology.

"Parents are seldom told that Ritalin is ‘speed’—that it is pharmacologically classified with amphetamines, has the same effects, side effects, and risks. Yet this is well-known in the profession...." Dr. Peter R. Breggin & Ginger Ross Breggin, The War Against Children, P. 84.

"...But because ADD is so vaguely defined, even for a psychiatric disorder, it is tailor-made for bogus claims. There are, as the American Psychiatric Association’s latest diagnostic manual concedes, "no laboratory tests that have been established as diagnostic" for "Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder." Richard E. Vatz, Professor, Towson State University, "Attention Deficit Delirium," The Wall Street Journal, July 27, 1994

"The diagnosis of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) is entirely subjective… There is no test. It is just down to interpretation… The lines between an ADD sufferer and a healthy exuberant kid can be very blurred." Dr. Joe Kosterich. Chairman of the Australian Medical Association. Sydney Morning Herald.

--

Decoding Psychiatric Propaganda
http://groups.msn.com/psychbusters

Answer 8

He just sounds like a hyper 6yr old (LOL). I actually have ADHD (Inatentive type). Had it ever since PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) do to a serious natural disaster. He probably knows what he is doing and doesnt care to tell you. Ask him to do something twice. Always tell him to "Look At Me". Thats what my parents had to do to get my undivided attention.

Go find a clinical psychologist and get him evaluated. Then couple years down the road get him reevaluated to confirm his condition. He may just be WIRED. Cut back on sugars, red dyes and anything with caffeine.

Any questions feel free to send me a message.

Added
You can be hyper active with the inatentive type. Its inatentive in the fact regarding academics. Its easy for me to drift off in classes.

Answer 9

Try some self control yoga type and relaxation techniques for ADD children as shown in the book BEING IN CONTROL ( with amazon.com) - examples at:

http://jasonalster.googlepages.com/home
Also the book- BEING IN CONTROL : Natural techniques for increasing your potential and creativity for success in school- amazon.com,
or the video, BEING IN CONTROL:Natural Solutions For ADHD Dyslexia and Test Anxiety.

Answer 10

FIRST NOTE SOMETHING SERIOUS IS GOING ON WITH YOUR STEP-SON. ODDS ARE IT WILL NOT CORRECT ITS SELF. YOU NEED TO SEEK TREATMENT FOR HIM THE SOONER THE BETTER AS IT IS RARE FOR 6 YEAR OLD TO SHOW SIGNS OF DEPRESSION. YOU SHOULD ASK THAT HE BE EVALUATED FOR BOTH DEPRESSION AND ADD/ AHAD. HE ALSO NEEDS TO SPEAK WITH THERAPIST WHO SPECIALIZES IN CHILDREN'S DISORDERS.
SECONDLY STRATTERA IS NOT FOR CHILDREN WITH ADD/AHAD (IT IS FOR ADULTS ONLY WITH THIS DISORDER) AND IF GIVEN TO THEM COULD CAUSE MAJOR OR DIRE COMPLICATIONS. PLEASE RESEARCH ANY AND ALL MEDICATIONS PRESCRIBED FOR YOUR SON BEFORE YOU AGREE TO ALLOW THEM TO BE TAKEN. BE WELL INFORMED IS YOUR BEST DEFENSE TO OVERCOMING CRISIS..IT IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT THAT DODE/S BE GIVE AT THE PRESCRIBED TIME/S EVERY TIME EVERY DAY.YOUR STEP-SON MAY NOT NEED ANY MEDICATION SOMETIMES THERAPY ALONE WILL CORRECT THE PROBLEM. YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY SHOULD SEEK COUNSELING AS WELL AS THIS ISSUE IS OBVIOUSLY EFFECTING YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. FIND OUT ABOUT SUPPORT GROUPS IN YOUR AREA.
BEST OF LUCK TO ALL OF YOU,
DODA