I have been living alone since I left my husband two years ago and I love it. I work and pay all the bills and take care of the house on my own. Now I have a bf who is starting to ask questions such as "could I spend a week at your place" or "I would like to wake up with you". I love he visiting and we have wonderful romantic moments together, but the odd thing is that despite being 32, I dont miss a guy at home, and I fear that he moving in will cause lots of changes on my routines, less time to do what I like, and also the return of those responsabilities that would look to much 'marriage-like' (such as: providing meals, cleaning what he leaves dirty etc). the other day he had a shower at my place and left the towel on the middle of the living room. My first thought was: 'no I dont need this again'. on the other hand, if I 'fail' to move into the next leve, could he decide to break up with me? He seems ready to settle down.
2006-08-23 01:56:56 · 6 answers · asked by Graça 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Its because you have re-discovered your independence. That you don't need anybody else to help you get by and it gives you such a great feeling of self-worth. You might feel that by having someone else move in means that you give up some of that new found independence, which inevitably would happen. As its your home you can do what you want within it, running round naked, singing a song at the top of your voice, watching tv when you want, slobbing out when you want but move someone in and suddenly you have to take them into consideration. Just tell him that you like your independence and you want to keep it, that you'd like him to stay around but not put up camp in your 'independence zone'. If he likes you enough then no problem if he doesn't then good by and he was obviously not right for you. You stick to your guns and stay independent, he probably doesn't know it but he will like it more that way.
2006-08-23 02:04:55 · answer #1 · answered by litulbear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you on this! I lived with a guy for 7 years and while I know the day will come when I have to have one live with me, I don't know how I'd handle it.
It sounds like your bf feels very close to you. Try having him spend 2 or 3 nights in a row over...and in small doses. Like 2 or 3 times a month. See how it goes. Having someone 'invade' your personal space and interfere with your routines takes time to get used to. And let him know how you are feelign about this, it might open his eyes and make him very respectful of your routines and space. Good Luck!
2006-08-23 02:00:37 · answer #2 · answered by empress_pam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is ready, but you are not. Honor yourself, otherwise you could end up in another divorce.
I wasn't ready for my second marriage, but I didn't want him to leave me. Guess what? Divorce number two. I am now 46 and single instead of 29 and single. Yes, I have 3 wonderful children from this man. But after 2 1/2 years of separation, I am barely dating. I just don't want to take care of another grown person right now.
I am happier and more peaceful without a man around. I may change my mind one day and that's okay, but I am not rushing it.
2006-08-23 02:03:46 · answer #3 · answered by Deb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're happy living alone and don't want to rush back into all the impositions of married life, especially not if you have to be someone's caretaker. (He sounds like a bit of a slob to me -- IMO, a thoughtful guy would clean up after himself, help cook meals, etc.)
Just tell him you like him but you're not ready for the changes in your lifestyle just yet, and leave the decision up to him. If he wants to start nesting and you don't, then you probably aren't going to be right for each other right now.
There's no reason to be "desperate" to have a guy at home. Be happy with your independence. I'm 31, live alone, and don't have a strong desire to have a live-in partner (at least not with anyone yet).
2006-08-23 02:09:59 · answer #4 · answered by Blenderhead 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you have become an independent lady. Maybe you like your life the way it is with things under your control at the house. However, I believe when you find that very special person things are going to change. You will find that being together will be more important that worrying about the house.
2006-08-23 02:39:35 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its great that you have gotten to that place in your life. However, you could kick the idea around of living together with your bf. If he cares about you then he will understand.The only thing in life that you HAVE to do is pay taxes and die. Don't let him convince you that moving in together is something you have to do.Lots of luck.
2006-08-23 02:02:19 · answer #6 · answered by shugabam! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋