How can I understand my parents?

Question

I remembered from last year they always told me that I need friends and i didn't have anyone to call. now i got a cellphone for my birthday and i have new friends who invite me to their houses and call me everyday. the problem is thart they get mad at me because i go out or because i'm in the phone talking. I really don't understand them because i behave good, and take care of my responsibility i really don't know what they want from me....?????...I relly know who my friends are and i know that anybody is not perfect but i think that they are afraid, scare that i'm going to the same thing as them......

Answer 1

You can understand them by talking to them. Communication is key. My parents and I rarely get into fights. I try to be as open to them as possible. My friends complain about how their parents are too strict, that they don't care about them, etc. Sometimes I just want to ask them "Why don't you try and understand your folks for once! Try thinking about what they feel when you do this and that! You just don't know if they have other problems that you don't know about!" blahblahblah...

I find it very hard to be open to my parents but I think it's worth it. I remember when I asked for a cellphone, they asked me why I would need it, I never really answered their question, I just told them that I want one. Eventually, they gave me one but my mom got suspicious and sometimes she'll ask to borrow my phone for reasons she never really explained and once I caught her, she was reading my inbox. She found out about my boyfriend and she grounded me and made me break up with him. I guess it was for the best, we were really young at that time, 13? Now that I think about it, I was really young!

Anyways, my point was I kept it a secret and because of my actions they got suspicious. After that incident, I tried to be more open to them. I told them about school, how it went, about the teachers, my classmates, etc. When I go out, I always ask for permission before I go, I tell them who I'll be with, where we're going, what time I think I'll be back, things like that. Now, they don't suspect anything, I think. They know everyone in my circle of friends, heck they even know about the boys I meet at soirees! XP

Also, try to look at your situation from your parents' point of view. Maybe they don't approve of your friends, ask them about it. Maybe there's something about your friends that make your parents uneasy. Your parents only want what's best for you so you should listen to what they have to say. Don't interrupt them when they're talking, let them finish and if you still have some problems with them, then you talk. Try to keep your anger/whatever-you're-feeling down, don't let it loose.

Another thing, ever wondered how they get mad whenever you go out? How old are you anyway? Maybe they're mad because you get home late? Maybe they think you're too young to be going out. When you're talking on the phone... How much time do you spend with it? Do you take long or is it just a couple of minutes? Say, 15? Maybe your parents think that you spend way too much time on the phone that you sacrifice your time with them just to talk on the phone. And even if you are behaved and still do your responsibility, maybe they think that you're somewhat different now than before you had your phone? From where I'm standing, it looks like you've changed. Ever since you got your phone, suddenly you're now on it all the time and you have friends. Not that it's a bad thing, having friends but ever think that you're drifting away from your parents and that you've changed? Maybe they miss the old days when you spend time with them because you don't have anyone else then...

Anyways, communication, as I've said, is key to have a better relationship with your parents. Don't mind what your friends might think, this is between you and your parents, don't let them influence you. Hope I've been of help!

Answer 2

Well, you went from not so many friends and no one to call to new friends and on the phone or going out all the time. I'm sure what they're asking for is you to give them some of your time. It's hard for parents when their teen suddenly doesn't hang around home anymore or shares everything with all these other people, but not them. Give your mom and dad a hug everyday. Try and schedule some 'family' time in with them.

Being a teen with parents who aren't ready to let go is something like a working mother. You have work to do, you have kids who need you. Congratulations, you're getting a great lesson about life. If you can find some balance and create some quality time with your folks, they should relax a bit.

Answer 3

I've been a family therapist for some years now and growing up is hard for the teen and the parents. Teens want more freedom and good parents are often concerned about how to allow freedoms for the teen that are healthy and entertaining. Of course, the best way to resolve conflicts like this is to find a calm way to state exactly what your concerns are; and sit and listen to parents thoughts/wishes for you. Try to avoid drawn out conversations - and, one way to do this is to ask your question, or write it down, then give them time to think about a response.

Some how - learning to talk and listen to each other has to happen. Some times families need help in this area. But, as you think about your next move, please be reminded that YOU must practice making good, sound moral decisions about what you do, where you go, and the people you hang with. You must learn to do important things first, and when you have leisure, use it carefully - strike a balance...don't over do it.

Answer 4

The thing is that you can never understand them, all you gotta do is try to live with them..which now is all you need to do. You can only understand them when you are in their shoe i.e. when you become a parent.
Anyway parents can be a pain in the behind. Trust me I've been there. Whenever I go out my mum always gets mad, and the fact is that she knows where I am going and with whom, but still she has an attitude and it pisses me of.I really cannot understand her problem.
So my advise is that even if they bug you, try to be patient and do your thing. They'll get over it sometime or another. Face it you can't be what they want you to be, be who you want to be!

Answer 5

Well, most of the parents r like dat.Even though u hvnt done anything wrong,dey keep spying on u.Its probably because dey love u a lot or they r over protective.Chill!It'll get okay with time.But b very careful with ur personal things.They even tend to check ur phone when u arnt around,check ur bag n cupboard!So b careful if u r doin anything wrong n u dont want dem to know!

Answer 6

They may feel because you are getting older you are starting to have a sense of independence. They may be missing you and want to spend time with their daughter. Just remember they are people who make mistakes or who like to have fun just like you. My suggestion, sit down and talk to them. Find a common ground and make some compromising on how to spend time as a family and still have time for yourself. Also try to limit how much time you spend on the phone with your friends as well. It's new and exciting, but it's just a small part of your life. Remember the people you associate with are going to influence you one way or another and other people will associate you with the people you hang out with.

Answer 7

For the cell phone thing, it's all about money. Kids who are on the phone all the time (especially cell phones) don't realize about "minutes". They don't realize that minutes run out and that they have an infinite number of minutes. Therefore, parents try not to let kids stay on cell phones for the sake of being charged an obscene amount of "overage charges".
For the visiting your friends thing, just hang tight. They just care for you and are concerned about your safety and whereabouts. Listen to them now. It's not going to kill you to NOT go to their homes. They'll still be your friends if you don't go.

Answer 8

Sometimes parents can be overly protective. They want you to have friends but are still scared for you. They realize that you are growing up and at some point you will leave them. When you get to be a parent, which I hope you wait awhile to do, you will realize their fear. They only want the best for you. Be patient with them.

Answer 9

Talk to them! I think the issue is that they were concerned that you werent going out with friends, now it seems you only have time for friends. I think they miss you a bit and while you know your friends thay may not. So sit them down talk to them ask them what they want, why they seem upset now that you have friends, and go from there.

Answer 10

Just because you are a "good kid" in general doesn't mean you shouldn't still have some rules and listen to your parents. All kids need guidelines, even if you consider yourself a good kid. Your parents deserve your respect even if you think they're too strict. They only want what's best for you and listening to them will get you far in life because when you get a job, you have to listen to your boss. Your parents are preparing you for life where you always have to follow someone's rules!