My DD has been told she may be carrying a baby with Downs Syndrome. Her first reaction was to talk to a?

Question

professor with a Down's child so she is now convinced she should have an abortion if further testing confirms this problem. (He convinced all these children have heart defects and need open heart surgery.) I would love to calm her down to wait for all the tests before jumping to such a decision. Her mind is made up. Any suggestions on how to approach such a sensitive subject? I don't believe in abortion in this type of case, but would like some insights from others who have faced this situation. I have a feeling she is going to make a decision she will regret.

The baby with Downs would be my grandchild, so I would be directly involved in helping raise the child.

She is finally listening, discussing and weighing all the possibilities. I know her well enough to know if she rushed in with her first response, she would spend a lifetime regretting her decision. (She has ADHD.) I feel now that she can at least make a competent decision.

Answer 1

MY CHILD ADDISON HAS DOWNS SYNDROME. He is 3 yrs old
no surgeries. He is beautiful. He is smart , funny, & brings so much joy to my life. He is my sunshine. HE TEACHES ME all the time. He is the blessing of my life & I am his.I am glad I did not know before hand,ironically a friend of mine did testing & all of it was positive for downs - but just knowing & being around Addison she knew it would be alright. Her son did not need surgery either. She was glad she found out ahead of time. I cannot believe we are still living in a world where some doctors are so stupid & misinformed & they would make such horrid suggestions. i really think you should visit www.sujeet.com that will show you just how capable these HUMANS are. I am very comforted by this web site & visit it when I have a bad day --- we all have bad days- downs syndrome or not.

Answer 2

These tests during pregnancy are not mandatory and they all most always come back with a false positive result for downs and other problems. It would be ashame to allow your friend to have an abortion (which I'm assuming she is too far along to have anyway) when chances are her baby is just fine.

On the other hand if the child does have downs syndrome, I don't see how you factor in abortion still. This is a child with special needs. No more care or extra love involved I'm sure. A gift from God should never be considered a burden or disaster. Tell your friend to have her child and care for them appropriately. She will regret it forever if she does not.

Answer 3

As the mom of a 2 year old boy with Down syndrome, I can honestly tell you that I cannot imagine my life without him. He's a blessing every single day. He did require heart surgery when he was 2 months old, but it fixed him right up and his heart is in great shape now. Scary as it is, these surgeries are considered somewhat routine, and most of the children who have them do very well. My son was out of the hospital in 7 days and functioning 100% better than before the surgery.

Children with DS have so many opportunities available to them now. They go to school, some go to college, get jobs, date, drive and even get married. They do just about what any other child does, it just takes a bit longer. They will show you a kind of love you simply cannot imagine.

Please share this special montage with your DD... these are all kids who are loved and who are happy and healthy.

http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site/view_shared?p=92b007767e44d89c93756&skin_id=0&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

Most of us parents with a child with DS think of our children as angels on earth. They change your life for the better and they will amaze you. Your DD will be missing out on a very special blessing if she terminates.

Is it scary? Sure, DS is not what we sign up for when we are planning a family. Everyone probably feels some sense of grief when we first hear the news, but once you see that child and realize how full of love and potential they are, you find the scary feelings move to the background and the celebration of your child move to the front.

God bless and good luck!

Answer 4

Before she does anything at all, she needs to research the accuracy of these tests. They have been known to give false positives. Even then, the child may be only mildly affected. I've got a houseful of kids and at 40 getting ready to have another one. I declined the tests for abnormalities. Not just because I'm personally prolife, but because I know the tests aren't 100% accurate. A scan should be able to detect abnormalities in the baby's heart, if there are any.

She's the one who will make the final decision. It's the hardest thing to do, watching your kids make tough choices. Especially when those choices wouldn't be the ones we'd make.

Answer 5

Just talking to parent with a child, who has this health problem, is not a good reason, not to keep this child. We are all in diffrent areas in our lives, not the same, or at different levels of age. Once your friend finds out the whole outline of her unborn child, THEN she should pray and think about her choices. Some couples choose to adopt any child,even with birth defects. Other moms-to-be are strong enough to handel a "special needs" child, with the help of a parent,who is already raising a child. Bottom line, your friend really knows why or how she really feels about this. She will learn from this child's fate, before she knows how she will handel her life. Have her listen to her own thoughts, the answer is there. A unborn child is only the part of a women's life stage, but a child born alive in this world is a women's part of life's story to remember, not ever forget in her heart. No one, or nothing can stop this from happening. I have my own story to tell.

Answer 6

Sorry you're going through this. Many posters have advised you it's none of your business, but she is your daughter, and I understand, she's your baby having a baby. I feel it is your right to offer advice, but I guess her ultimate decision and you need to support whatever it may be.

That said, NO pre-natal test can tell you 100% for sure if the baby has Down syndrome except one - the amniocentesis.

Down syndrome is NOT a good reason to abort a baby. Not all babies with DS have heart defects! Only about 1/2 of them do, and not all of those need surgery to correct. Also, not all children/people with DS and their families live a horrid, dreary life with no future! Nobody can predict which babies will have it easy in life and which will have it hard - and that is with DS or for any "normal" baby too.

How can ANY of us guarantee that our "normal" or "healthy" children will have a happy life, will go to college, will have lots of friends, will get married and have children, and never suffer from any major illness or die tragically? God forbid.

My son has DS. He has no heart problems. I don't see his life as a BURDEN in any way, on me or him or anyone else.

Here are some web sites that I enjoy, maybe you could peruse them and get your daughter to do the same.

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/appleseed2003/
http://www.einstein-syndrome.com/
http://www.ndss.org/
http://www.nads.org/
http://www.unomas21.com/

Good luck, take care. I hope your motherly wisdom will guide your daughter.

Answer 7

First, if the timing isn't flawles on that first test, the information is useless. Worse than useless.

Second, My friend has a child with downs syndrome. He has no heart problems, none at all. He has few health problems, in fact. He's had to wear eyeglasses and took antibiotics for years to prevent kidney infections.

He is now 10 and raising him is currently like raising a 3 year old. It's long, slow motion, very very hard. The quality of life for kids with downs is much better than it has ever been, but my friend's quality of life is very challening, let's say. The child understands almost everything that is said to him but can speak only a few words. He still uses primarily one word and hand gestures. When I complimented him yesterday on his face paint, he cried out the name of his sister. She'd done the face painting.

People with kids who have downs tend to encourage themselves by learning about all the things some people with downs are able to do.

Martha Beck wrote a book, Expecting Adam, about the bias of academics against kids with downs.

Why do you think she is going to regret this?

Answer 8

what you believe has no bearing on the situation. As a friend you need to provide comfort not direction. If the baby truely has down syndrome she faces huge emotional and financial burdens that you will not have and can walk away from.

The best thing you can tell her is to wait as long as possible for the test results to be conclusive and whatever her decision is you will be there to help and hold her hand through the abortion or birth.

Answer 9

She's hearing negatives things about having a Down Syndrome baby. She needs to stop listening to what others say and make her own decisions. If she does go ahead with the abortion, just be there for her if she lives to regret it.

Answer 10

I am a parent to a wonderful DS child. My son does not have any health problems associated with DS. He was 14 months before we ever went to the doctor for sickness. (Allergies) He is the most amazing little boy ever. you can show her his website www.reganheath.com if you would like. There are increased chances of health problems with Down Syndrome. Some do require heart surgery to repair the problem some dont. Please encourge her to keep the baby. She will never know a greater love.