why cant i let go?

Question

People in the past have hurt me so much, and i cant seem to let it go and forgive them. If it wasnt for them i would be happier now and be able to progress more in life. My ex last year really broke my heart and i hate him for it. I try to forget it but its hard. I have so much anger and hatred for these people coz im no way like that. its so spiteful hoe nasty people can be to someone who is the total opposite. has anyone had these experiences? and what did you do? please help as its eating away at me. no insensitive answers please, or your just as bad as them. thanks x

do you even know what that means TOMMY?how can i be clingy? clingy is when someone cant keep away from someone-i am keeping away from them! self obsessed is when you always think of yourself. how is my question self obsessed? maybe you should learn those words before mouthing them off.

Answer 1

Anger, hurt and pain are really strong emotions. And because of this we tend to keep hold of them, i dont know maybe its a self preservation thing to remind us not to let it happen again. No one can tell you how to deal with this. Its something you have to work out on your own. I know they say time is a great healer and all that, but peoples time scales are different.
I doubt you deserved the pain these people have caused you and it sounds like you are so much better off without them ruining what you have left.
I know it sounds corney but maybe a little councelling may help you deal with your feeling and to understand why you feel the way you do.
Good luck honey. x

Yeah.... knob off Tommy!!!

Answer 2

I am sorry this happened to you. I think it happens to a lot of people who are basically good-hearted. Those who are not tend to perceive this as a weakness which can be exploited. The key to letting go of anger and bitterness is probably realising that, while it takes two to create any relationship, if one person does something really unambiguously awful, the burden lies on their shoulders. Don't carry that burden, guilt, anger, etc. if it isn't yours. -- This projection of ugliness by flawed people onto others close to them is how they divest themselves of responsibility for their problems and cruel actions. But at the end of the day, it is their problem and will be their burden, not yours.

So let them be what they are and accept that that is the way the world is sometimes; but just because you have a brush with something ugly, don't allow it to become part of your life and and feelings. The ugliness belongs to someone else -- let them go their own way and deal with it sooner or later. I think this is what people talk about when they mention karma - that your deeds come back to you. -- But it's more like those who do evil deeds are projecting part of what they really are. Sooner or later, they have to face that part of themselves, when dumping it on other people no longer works. So what they always were comes back to them in the end, if you see what I mean. So take comfort in the fact that there is justice in this world, even if you won't be around to see it, and in the meantime, stay true to your own nature.

Answer 3

Ohhhh yes indeedy! I have had my worst nightmares brought agonizingly to life by the one person I would have NEVER imagined would Ever sell me out! But soon I realized that "I" was the one making myself remain miserable. Just because his life was going another way, didnt mean the end of the world. Change is the only thing a person can count on occurring in life and if you can just manage to prepare yourself for change then it really isnt so hard to accept when it inevitably occurs. Try to focus on the happiness ,if any, that you felt for whatever time you had together, not the parting of ways. Remember , each ending is the beginning of something else. Life is too short to hang on to something that has simply changed. Let each person you meet come into your life easy and pass out of it just as easy. Each person you share any kind of relationship with is , as you are, forever changed . They can never be the same person they were before they met you nor will you be. If you truly love them then you will want them to be happy , right? Well, give yourself the same consideration and walk through life the way it was intended to be lived. Its better to walk away and still be friendly (if not friends) than to remain unhappy because things didnt last as long as you would have liked. Hold your head up and prepare yourself for whatever is "next" in your life. Be the ultimate tourist in your own life , exited to see what tomorrow brings. No one can "make" you happy any more than they can "make" you mad , or miserable , ect , ect,... it is your choice ( and your responsibilty) to be however you are.....If someone else is behaving in a way that makes you unhappy or they are treating you badly then you dont sit down in the middle of your path. The rest of the world will continue walking 'their ' paths .So stand up, and move forward. Its the only way to keep footprints off your face. :o)
Besides, thats 'their' baggage not yours.. dont you have enough to carry that IS your own? Maybe this hasnt helped but I certainly hope you lift your head up and look around instead of at the ground. You'll never see the future if your always lookin back.
Blessed Be~

Answer 4

You already know the consequences of not letting go, especially of unpleasant relationships.
All negative thoughts and feelings like jealousy, hatred, anger, sadness, will trigger your brain to produce negative vibes that will hurt the healthy cells in your body. So, the more of such thoughts and feelings you have, the more your physical body will deteriorate. Hence you have to let go and banish all negative thoughts and feelings, just to be healthy. Ask yourself the question: Who controls your emotions.......you or others?
Of course you yourself!
Therefore, why hurt yourself? Those people you mentioned earlier, did not hurt you. You are hurting yourself. Can you stop hurting yourself by looking forward and forget the unpleasant past? Use them as lessons to handle future situations. You are fortunate because you have first hand experience which others may not have.
If you are able to get out of this mindset you are now in by letting go after reading this, may I request that you share your experience with others so that they can learn from your experience?
Please try it and I would love to hear that you have been successful in doing so..............and lead a satisfying life!

Answer 5

It is hard work, but you can learn how to school your feelings. Believe you have the power.

Anger is a prison. Don't commit yourself for life, you are only hurting yourself.

There are a lot of books on anger. Browse around the book store or library until you find one or two that seem like they might be helpful. Some of them might seem stupid, but just ignore the ones that don't resonate with you.

You might also be able to find a helpful support group in your area or online. Google "anger support group" You are not alone!

Check this out and see if it helps:
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=116&cn=116

Don't be discouraged. You absolutely can overcome this, and when you do you will feel strong, powerful, and much happier.

Answer 6

My dear, hatred and anger is what is making you feel sad, I relate to you my story :

A long time ago I fell in love with a girl whom I thought would be the one who I'd marry, I loved her dearly, I sang to her, I wrote her poems, did everything that a good b/f would do. One day she called and told me she kissed another guy, she started sobbing and told me it was a mistake, so I forgave her for it. She did the same thing a week later and I still forgave her for it. Then a month later after coming back from a trip in Europe I called her to tell her how much I missed her, where she told me it was over between us.

The point is there are thousands of bad, cruel, envious, jealous people out there, and there main objective is to hurt you, but you can only get hurt if you let them, if you don't let them they will loose. Pay no attention to them, smile when you see them, even laugh at them because you know a special secret, and that is that you are a million times better than them and their precense is incomparable to you because they are like bee's whilst you are the flower. :D

Hope that helps.

Answer 7

Letting go and moving forward is a most difficult thing for any of us to do when he have been hurt. At 51 years of age I am here to express to you that without letting go moving forward, true forgiveness you hold only one person captive, this is yourself. Do not live in the past. Do not go over and over the bad, the sad. Hold onto the positive offer your hand in forgiveness to another that hurt you because you free youself. Right now you are holding yourself captive because you are dwelling on this and anger is holding you down. There are beautiful days ahead of you if you take the leap and move into your future and get out of your past.

Answer 8

To a degree we are all products of our past, that said you have control of your future.
You dont have to forgive or forget but if you can learn from your experiences then good or bad they were probably worth having. They all go to build you as a person.
You said that ex broke your heart. did he cheat / lie etc? or was a stand up who guy who told you he wants something else? was the relationship equal and 2 way? no need to tell me but if you can stand aside and be honest with yourself its a good start, look for where it was wrong your probably find that in cold light of day its not 100% his fault! where you pushy / jealous / controling?be honest. If he really was a total scum bag then its his problem!hell get his im sure dont worry! :)
You owe it to yourself to be good to you and get back on track!whats the other option?hating? not good for you or the peeps around you huh!
Someone said before i think about conunciling.. doesnt mean your crazy and theres no shame in it!. if you really are having problems and its having a negative impact on your life then id give it some serious thought.Get you back on the path again.

Take care and good luck.
:)

Answer 9

Ive had a few in my time! the anger and resentment eats away at you and sometimes can become an obbession. My answer? therapy! it helps you work through your anger in a constructive way and also helps you realise how and why you keep repeating the pattern in your relationships i.e getting cra**ed on, most of my anger ive now let it go and feel all the better for it. I'd stronly recommend it. Good Luck whatever you decide x

Answer 10

Its never easy to get over bad experiences. You should never forget because it teaches you something. However you should never let it eat at you and carry that burden with you. It's not your fault it happened- it just did. It sounds easier said than done but you need to come to terms with what happened. Plan what you want in your life and take the steps to make it happen. You deserve a happy successful life and it takes work. Again, with planning and making better choices we are able to turn it around in our benefit. I have experienced a lot of crappy instances that made me so angry I thought I could just end someones life. But in the end I realized that I was hooked into their ploy to piss me off. People who are unhappy will try and pass it on to you. Just keep to your goals and ignore the negativity as best as you can. Best of luck and I hope it helped.