Tell me some of your best jokes?

Answer 1

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out his pants.

The bartender says, "Hey pirate, did you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

The Pirate says, "Arrrrr, it’s driving me nuts."







George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.

"You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.

Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.

"You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps.

"Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"

The last to arrive is George Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

Bush looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."



A string walked into a bar and asked for a drink
The bartender pointed to a sign behind the bar that read
"We don't serve strings".
The string asked for a drink and the bartender said" can't you read, we don't serve strings."
Another string who had been watching this all transpire walked up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bartender said "Didn't you just hear me tell your friend we don't serve strings? Ain't you a string ? To which the string replied "No, I'm a fraid knot."


















After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old
hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever
having
seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How
about
that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife,
didn't
like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before
leaving
for the fields, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get
suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband
left,
she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the
glass,
she fumed, "So that's the ugly ***** he's runnin' around with."







Get You With The Nine


A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams, ''Nein! Nein!'' So two guys walk away.



Blonde's Salon


A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it ''Curl Up and Dye.''




Why did the blonde go to KFC?
She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99



Blonde NASA Engineer


NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig #1, do you know your mission?"
The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."
Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?"
The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. Oink oink."
Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?"
The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm.... Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the pigs - and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"





She's So Blonde


She's so blonde she spent an hour looking at a can of orange juice because it sai



Blonde...Bananas


Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.

Answer 2

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 3

So a blonde is walking by a railroad track, and a brunette is jumping up and down on a railroad track, saying, "26, 26, 26,..." ect. The blonde thinks the brunette looks kind of silly, just jumping there, so the blonde starts jumping with her, saying the same thing. Soon, a train starts coming towards them. The brunette doesn't move, so the blonde thinks nothing will happen. The train comes closer and closer, and at the last second the brunette jumps off. The blonde doesn't have time to think though, and gets hit by the train. As soon as the train passes, the brunette gets back on the railroad track, and starts jumping up and down again saying, "27, 27, 27..."





For those who don't get it, the brunette is counting how many blondes she can trick. :]

Answer 4

GEORGE BUSH GOES TO HELL

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack
and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil
is waiting for him.


"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on
my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely
have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to
do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad
as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take
their place.


I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought
that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the
first room.

In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He
kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and
over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No, George
said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I
don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard
Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time
after time. "No, I've got this problem with my
shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could
do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill
Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over
his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does
best. Bush took this in disbelief and finally said,


"Yea, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said


"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Answer 5

Best Break-Up Letter Ever


A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.
It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............


The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky.

Answer 6

A topic was given 2 a school boy "India-Srilanka Match"
well He doesnt knw anything abt cricket,He wrote
"2day match abandoned due 2 rain,d play vl resume 2mrw"

Answer 7

Well, it is Tamil. Is it OK with u. Here it goes. A man came to Kuil and to God "Oh my dear god, I'm always praying u. I want a BMW car". So the came in front of him and said "Well I am going on a rat while u wanted a BMW". That is all I got. I don't mind if u don't like it because only Indians understand it.

Answer 8

Sardar news : A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

Answer 9

Khudaa aap jaisa C U T E dost koi aur na banaye... ek cartoon jo mere pass hai kahin common na ho jaye!

Answer 10

Two Sardas playing Chess..
or look for Santa & Banta Jokes website..