I need help please, I dont know what to do?

Question

Ok well my son who is 4, he has beenhaving a really hard time listening to me and, being really mean and I guess you would say careless, well I have a cat and he stepped on him with one foot and lifted the other one up and had all his weight on my cat.. What do you think might be wrong with him, is there something I shouldbe doing better. Iam so worried about him, not only cause he is acting out and he could hurt himself but also other living thigs, and he does not take care of his things. Should I not exspect that much from a 4 year old or what ? Im worried about him your opinions greatly appreciated.. TY

Answer 1

The thing with the cat - totally normal. They don't feel pain when they do it - and don't understand that the cat *does* feel pain. So you sit down with him and calmly explain that anything breathing can feel pain and that we need to not hurt living things.

We have to teach them to take care of their things. Over and over again. They are really just learning the more intricate parts of interacting with people and things and learning consequences

Answer 2

Its too much to expect a four-year-old to do a good job of taking care of his belongings.

With regard to his being "mean" that is a concern because most children are not by nature mean. The thing with cat strikes me as something that maybe a two-year-old might do but that a child four wouldn't. Your child may not be as mature as he should be socially or when it comes to the type of development that's required for better behavior. Describing him as "careless" would seem to point to that.

I think you should talk to his pediatrician about your concerns. Its possible you're seeing more in his behavior than there really is (in terms of a problem), its possible he's very immature, or its possible he has some other problem that only an expert can figure out. (This remark isn't intended to point a finger at you, but there's also the chance that you just need a few tips on getting him to listen more and calm down some. Have you ever watched the show, Super Nanny? Those kids act like kids from hell before she gives tips to the parents.)

It seems to me you're right to be concerned, and the person to start with is the pediatrician. He/she may refer you to someone else. I don't necessarily think what you're seeing has to be a huge, horrible, difficult-to-fix, problem, but it does seem that bring it up to the doctor would be a good idea.

You may eventually learn there's just some little technique you aren't using when it comes to his listening to you, and a professional may end up saying you have nothing to worry about - and then you'll know you don't. No harm looking into it. (When it comes to his things, though, four-year-olds don't take care of their things; so that isn't anything to worry about unless he does something like set them on fire or something!!)

Answer 3

He is not relating that things like that hurt the cat and that is bad. I sat down with my daughter and explain that she had to treat animals carefully. I showed her how to pet the cat and told her it was not OK to hurt him. I did this when she was around 2 and monitored her when she was around animals until I was sure she understood. She is 3 1/2 now and we have a very happy cat whom she will tell on, but not hurt. Also I had her picking up after herself as soon as she could. I helped at first, but when she got to being able to do it alone it became her responsibility. She cleans her room and knows that if she messes it up she has to clean it up, so she doesn't pull out everything and leave things all over. She has learned to be careful with her toys because she doesn't want to break them. I may seem harsh, but all I did was encourage her independence a little and she did the rest. Rewards also help... I went through a whole lot of stickers!

Answer 4

Ok I have read the question and all the awnsers so Far. I think that the answer that you got from the mother of 4 boys is good. I have 6 kids myself and the ages range from 11 to now 8 months and 4of whom are BOYS!!! is the exsact same method I use. they are perfectly normal to "abuse the hose pet,toys,other peoples things " the other thing is that works real good for my 21/2 year old is the time out chair and the mad room. you see when they do something bad spankings are not allways the awnser time out for however old they are is good enough so your little boy is 4years old then 4 minutes no onlger would be just fine, dont let him get up or everything that you are trying to rectify will be for nothing. when he starts throwing a temper-tantrum then walk him to his room with out saying anything to him then you get to his room and you get down on your knees "at his level" and tell him calmy that we dont throw fits, and if you want to thorw a fit then you have to sit in the mad room till you are done having your fit. then quitely walk away, after he comes out ask him if he is done. leave it at that. be consistance with theese two things and he will be a better child in no time. the other thing with the breaking his toys my boys got a good reality check when I went through the toys and got rid of all the broken toys. after two times of having to throw away the broken toys "the ones that would harm them" they got the picture that they needed to take better care of there toys. He does not need councling Just be consistance with the time outs and the mad room. I had suggsess in three weeks after i sued it consitantly.

Answer 5

My nephew is the exact same way..we believe he is add..they do not drug him down or anything really..if he has a lot of nightmares just give him a small dosage of benadryl this helped alittle because he was getting adequate sleep and wouldn't be soo grumpy. Youre his mom, only you know what you can do for your child..you have to be strong to raise him to be an upstanding citizen..I do hear boys are harder than girls..just make a solid discipline schedule for the things he does, he is old enough to understand atleast that..Sorry with your trouble, you may want to look into the add if he is the rambunctious type.

Answer 6

When he does something that isn't appropriate, you need to sit him down and talk to him about what he's done wrong, if that doesn't work, he needs to have a NAUGHTY CORNER or soemwhere where he can be alone for 4 minutes...even if he yells and screams, keep it up, don't give up, you are the parent, and let him know that....
I'm sorry if he was mine and all this didn't work, try physical punishment, a good old fashioned spanking doesn't hurt once in a while...

Answer 7

Children of that age need to be constantly watched around animals as they tend to harm them. Give those cats to someone who has no tots in the house, as your son is at an age where the cats are in peril. As for your kid, four can be a tricky age but I think you are noticing some things that are not quite normal. And exactly WHO is the parent here? YOU ARE! This child need discipline and direction and he needs it now! You must be inexperienced with children and it seem you are afraid of your child to some extent. Get some professional behavorial help for both the child and yourself, so that you can learn how to parent and deal with a problem kid. And get those cats out of there now before your kid kills one of them! He is capable, believe me. Don't delay!

Answer 8

I think this is normal for a 4 year old boy...But you need to talk to him when he does something wrong and maybe have a corner where after doing something bad he has to draw what he did wrong and so he will have a corner with all the things he should not do but to make it better tell him that when you do something wrong he has to tell you and than you will have to draw it down...You have to understand that if he gets punished for something you have to be punished too to make him understand that it is wrong but not only when he does it but when everybody does..When you punish only him he will do it again in spite.
I hope you will find a solution...

Answer 9

You should expect that much from a 4 yaer boy for sure!

From whatever you are saying it looks like that child is behaving violently.

Violence is common problem, in children .

You should moniter his daily activities such as, what he is watching on T.V., how people around him are interacting with him...etc.

Try to tell him some stories promoting non-violence or just talk with him while he is busy doing some work about what problem he might be facing.

Best of Luck........

Answer 10

i also think he doesn't realise that hurts others when he acts that way. you need to let him know you are showing him how he acts and treat him meanly enough to get the point accross. also, my son was getting to the point where he stopped napping at that age and the combination of this and tring to figure out how to explain what he is feeling. He was frustraited all the time I had to explain different feelings to him so he can discribe his feelings and that helped also cutting down on sugar was a good change instantly. Remember you have bad days, so does he.