my parents aren't going to be there. my maid of honor has been anything but her title. my fiancee's mother that i once thought i could trust has shown me otherwise. i feel like all odds are against us, there have been very few good things happen to us and i am no longer sure how happy i am, i don't know what to do and i only have one month left. is it just the stress that is causing cold feet or is it a red flag that i shouldn't be ignoring.
2006-08-22 20:02:09 · 20 answers · asked by Lindsey B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Stop right now! Take a deep breath....go get you something to drink, and let's try to relax for just a few minutes. That's an order!
Ok, I have read and reread your question and statement, what concerns me the most out of all it is this: LOVE Do you honestly truely love each other? If you love one another, then the problems are fixable. If you don't or so upset with all these problems you aren't sure anymore-then call it off. You said you are no longer sure how happy you are, is that because of all the stress, or is because your finacee has let you down in this time of trouble.
Do some soul searching here, reach deep into your heart, do you want to marry this man, do you still love him, do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man, can you trust him, is he the one that makes your heart sing......if not-then don't do it. If you want him, and you want to make your life with him, the problems and troubles you are having won't look so horrible.
Maid of honor- have a little sit down with the maid of honor, take her to lunch, she's suppose to be the friend you can always count on, something might be going on in her life that she's just as stressed as you, maybe if you put your heads together, you can solve each others problems, tell her, be honest with her, and say I need you like I have never needed you before, can I count on you to help me. If she has no, then I would think about replacing her. Or, finding someone else you can count on.
Mother in law- welcome to our club of the problems that mother in laws can cause, she has broken your trust, I am not sure what exactly you mean, but maybe she had good reason, or she at least thought she had good reason, again sit her down and have a long heart to heart, tell her your parents aren't coming and you love her son, and what the perfect wedding, and you truely need her help, We, mother-in-law, most of us anyways, want to have a good relationship with our daughter-in-laws or son-in-laws, but they don't give us a chance. Reach out to this woman, and see if you can reach a understanding in that you both love the same man, and want only the best for him.
Parents-this is a hard one, You didn't mention why they aren't coming, I am going to pray that it's something that can't be helped. Because I couldn't imagine what would keep me from my daughter's side on her wedding day. Hold your head when you walk down that isle to the man you love, let all these problems disappear, and celebrate the union, if your parents aren't there, it's their lose not yours, of course you will miss them, but now, your husband is your family. So, don't look at it as a loss for you, but a gain. Your new beginning, with the man you love.
Get you a notebook, write down all the things you need and need to do, from the beginning to the end. Now, get a marker, scale this wedding down a little, take off so of the extras that you can live with out. Cross out the things you have all ready done. Everytime you do something on your to do list, mark it off. This way you can see that things are getting done, and this is a great stress reliever. I know I did it with my daughter's wedding. I felt like I was finally making head way.
Honey, please please think about this, if you feel there is too many red flags, then maybe you shouldn't ignore them. There is no shame, in say "hey wait a minute" If your groom to be loves you, he will wait till you feel the field is cleared. But if the love you have for him, and he has for you is real, then don't let these people ruin your day, work around them, if you can't go through them.
Your wedding day is one of the most important and suppose to be your happiest day of your life. You are going to have to have some heartache to get there, and I am so sorry that your parents won't be there to support you, but you can do this. You are so stress and tried from all the backbiting and people letting you down till, it's taking away from what is important. LOVE
All the frills, and flowers aren't the important things. They are nice and make for a beautiful cermoney, but seeing the couple happy and in love, marrying in a undecorate chruch or in a backyard is more important then a $200,000 budget wedding, and the bride and groom are so stress, and angry that they would rather be in a pile of ants with honey poured all over them then be there. Do you understand what I am saying...I certainly hope that things get better for you? Please take time to be with your fiancee and get his help too. It's his big day too!
God bless us all.....................
2006-08-23 01:20:33 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cold feet has nothing to do with absent parents (why won't they be there?????), a pain in the butt mom-in-law, and a half-hearted maid of honor.
You're naturally upset because what is supposed to be a kick-butt celebration doesn't seem so fun anymore. That's normal.
Keep in mind that this day is about starting your new life with your husband. If you feel the wedding you're looking at in a month is more about keeping appearances than about your marriage, then cancel it, pay the cancellation fees, and go get married on a beach in Mexico.
2006-08-23 04:27:12 · answer #2 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you still love your fiance'? It sounds like you are just more stressed about your wedding then your marriage. I don't know if you should call off your wedding but I will tell you what my husband and I did and we were stress free (well pretty much) and are still happily married 3 years later! My husband and I had a small ceremony and I mean small: his parents one friend and the preacher. Then once my husband got back from Iraq we had a huge party at my parents house and it was lots of fun. Everyone could relax, including the family! And we could spend more money on really good food and alchol bc we didn't have to worry about the typical wedding expenses.
Whatever your decision is GOOD LUCK!!!
2006-08-22 20:12:26 · answer #3 · answered by girlinlove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love this man and want to be with him, I would suggest inviting those who will attend and making it a joyous day. Or enloping. I know it is hard since I am sorta battling the same thing. But not as bad as you but I can relate to how stressful and hurtful it is.
Just remember, you are marrying into his family as he is into yours. The problem won't go away and need to face it directly stating how you feel and how wrong you think it is by this day is everything but a happy one. Make it clear it will be a happy one and who ever feels different to not even bother to show up.
For it to be a month away, I would suggust moving the date to give you and your up coming husband to breath, relax and get more information before you two get married.
If you are unhappy and unsure, it is wise to move the wedding date to later date to something later or "unknown" until you get it all sorted out emotionally and this situation as a whole. If it helps, seek pre marital counseling.
2006-08-22 21:01:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything that you stated was a disaster, had to do with OTHER people. What does getting married have to do with anyone else other than yourself and your fiancee? My husband and I had LOADS of obstacles to overcome (trust me major drama) and we went from 30 people to 7 people attending our wedding. If you love your man, and you want to get married, you have to learn now, once you are married HE IS YOUR FAMILY, he is your life.
Sometimes we read too much into "bad" stuff like that. People have lives, things happen, people do get jealous and fall of being your friend when you are getting married. It happens. Marriages and weddings let you know who your true friends are.
You may have cold feet, but I didn't get that from your message. Has HE done anything to make you not want to get married. If he makes you happy, if you feel LOVED than do it. You should reconsider, if the answer is NO to those questions. Of course you can move your dates to accomodate other people, but trust me that never works. Do what you have to, live your own life. If it's important for you that everyone agrees with your marriage, then you may never get married.
God bless and good luck!
2006-08-22 20:08:41 · answer #5 · answered by Tara B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some of the others have said it.........Do you love your guy? What is he doing through all this?
Consider abandoning all the notions of a fairy tale wedding, and just have it be you and him. I,too, had a drama filled prep and wedding, but we are here 24 years later.
BUT............if you are really doubting if you can make this work, STOP IT NOW! It may be the right guy, but not the right time. You have to be committed, because I swear, marriage is to be for life...................and fake friends, and unsupportive parents, and other obstacles, will always be a part. Throw kids in the mix and expect double the problems. I will pray for you,Sweetie!
2006-08-22 20:25:42 · answer #6 · answered by MOI 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first I wonder why your parents are not going to be there. Is it because they don't like who you are marrying? Then you need to reevaluate what is going on. Parents see things that you will not, its almost like they have a sixth sense about this sort of stuff. On the other hand if they are not going to be there for something simple then go a head and do it. Nobody was around to help me plan my wedding and it turned out just fine!
2006-08-22 23:54:53 · answer #7 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mate thats nothing keep going with the wedding you still have a month to plan my nan was a marriage celebrant and found out she was dying her last wish was to marry one of her grandkids.
So I had to get engaged have a party and get married in less then two weeks and even then she didnt make it so we married in the loungeroom while the ambulance was on its way. she went into a coma the next day and died 3 wks later.
If I can do it at 19 yrs old in less then 2 wks you can fix it in a month.
2006-08-22 20:17:05 · answer #8 · answered by belleprancer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your fiancee part of the disaster?Is it family?If it`s to do with family i`d say go ahead with your plans and get married,just don`t let third parties come between u 2...and good luck.Trust me every marriage has a disaster story behind it!
2006-08-22 20:58:40 · answer #9 · answered by mamanoelia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need to let petty family and friends destroy your happiness. If this is your soul mate, then just elope! Cancel all your current plans and elope. A few months from now plan a small reception where hopefully your family and friends will act like adults.
Good Luck!
2006-08-23 11:57:34 · answer #10 · answered by rrhiannon99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋