A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
2006-08-22 19:53:01 · 16 answers · asked by lauburton 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
LMAO I love it. Im taking it to the office. I work in a lawyers office. Cheers.
2006-08-22 19:56:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny
2006-08-22 20:26:34 · answer #2 · answered by roxi_biloxi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.
When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
2006-08-22 22:23:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't you hate it when you burst out laughing in a quiet place? Well that's what happened when i read this...
It's the most funniest thing i have ever heard and im gonna make sure that anyone who hasnt heard it soon will...
Hahahaha, please tell us more, i love your jokes =)
Thanks for the awesome laugh, i think you deserve a big thumbs up...
Thanks for the awesome laugh, i think you deserve a big thumbs up...
2006-08-22 20:04:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah-ha-ha-ha!
2006-08-22 19:58:32 · answer #5 · answered by Bummerang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats crazy!
2006-08-22 20:29:10 · answer #6 · answered by Dr.DRE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very funny!!
2006-08-22 19:59:30 · answer #7 · answered by Ruthie1959 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
funny joke
2006-08-22 23:23:27 · answer #8 · answered by makubex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive heard it before somewhere. but funny. doesnt make me laugh. just smile
2006-08-22 20:01:58 · answer #9 · answered by Manga freak 101 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
its kind of both
if you could make the ending better it would be funny
otherwise its stupid
2006-08-22 19:56:28 · answer #10 · answered by itrytodance 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋