Wanting a baby?

Question

I'm 18 yrs old. My boyfriend and I are going to get married at the beginning of next year, and I want a baby. I have friends and siblings who are or have been pregnant, and have children. I can't wait to be a mom, and I believe that I'll be a GREAT mom. I don't know how to deal with this issue though. I want to have a baby more than anything...but I'm afraid i'll be rejected by my fiance, and I'm scared about my family accepting the fact that i'll have a baby so early. I have great parents, who would support me. I know my husband and I will have the finances, but what do you guys think?

also, i have pretty much raised my 3 neices, so i know what kind of work is done.

Answer 1

I am 18 too and in exactly your situation, only my fiance really wants a family too, and I was pregnant before but lost the baby. I reckon if we think we can do it, we should just go ahead. Talk it over with your man, and get his opinion. If he loves you, there is no way he would ever reject you, but it has to be a two way decision. 18 is NOT too young to have a baby. Younger parents often have more energy and understanding for their children, and seeing as you want this kid so much, and are lucky enough to have the finances to support it, there is no way it would ever be rejected or have a bad life. If you are in a strong relationship, and both of you want this, then why the hell not?

Answer 2

Honestly take your time. It's hard getting married and having a child in the beginning. There are stages in marriage. The first is the I love you, you could never do wrong. Then you start to see all the faults. Then you adjust to them. Before bringing a child into this world, consider what it cost for a child, child care if you work after child comes, were are you going to stay , Remember the child should have it's own room. Also does the spouse want one, this could put a strain on the marriage. Talk it over with him. try a solution of time frame for both, to come in agreement. Don't forget that a child needs toys, food, formula, diapers, clothes, and bedding , let alone there are bed stages.The crib, toddler, preteen, teen, and young adult. Besides that can you handle no sleep for a few days at time and a lot of stress and crying nonstop? That is a true test of parenting right there. Find out the way you two want to discipline the child, how are you going to deal with late night early day to work schedule between each other. Is he going to get up to feed change and care for the child or is it going to be all on you? Can you handle feeding the child when needed and as they get older on schedule? Can you cook?These are going to be your tests. This is why they say the hardest job is being a parent. I know I have 5.

Answer 3

I think that this is the sort of thing that one needs to know about ones fiance WELL BEFORE one gets married!

Why do you think he'd reject you? Has he already said something about not wanting kids right away? Or has he said that he's not sure that he EVER wants to have any kids?

For a lot of women, having kids is so important that the man's wishes become secondary. They figure, "Oh, no matter what he says, he'll love the baby once it's here!" Uh, no...not necessarily! And many men might resent having their freedom curtailed by an unexpected child. (And I'm shocked at how many women advise one another to sabotage the BF's contraceptives or to lie and say that they're on The Pill when they're not...or something similar. No matter how much a woman wants to be a mom, I don't think that gives her the right to make a unilateral decision, know what I mean? --Not that you're implying in your question that you'd do that. It's just that lots of women DO do that. It's called "Oops!ing" --As in "Oops! I accidentally-on-purpose got pregnant!") With SO MANY men in the world who just can't wait to have kids, I don't see why it's necessary to "Oops!" one who isn't ready for one.

But, all of that aside--if you and your fiance cannot communicate honestly about somethng that's SO BASIC AND SO IMPORTANT as when/if to have kids, then , frankly, you two are NOT READY to get married! Communication is the #1 most important thing in marriage!

Answer 4

I will be honest with you, i have been there and done that and at 18 it sounds like so much fun, but really it's not that easy, trust me!!! I got pregnant very young and i thought that i was old enough and mature enough to take care of a child, until i had my son and then it hits you.... You have this beautiful bundle of joy that needs you and every part of you, so there is no time for social life or having fun, hanging out etc. Your baby becomes your number 1 priority! You have to wake up at odd hours through the night, you have to comfort them when they cry (most of the time they are crying for no reason at all)

My honest opinion to you is please don't do this because someone you know has a baby or because it looks like lots of fun!!! This is a full time job, there is no resting when kids are involved, you need to be 100% sure that this is what you want, because there is no turning back!! I have seen young people having children and then leaving there kids with there parent while they go out and have fun, i am not saying this is going to be you!!! but i think you really need to have a hard think about this, even ask one of your friends if you can look after there child for a day or two, to get a feel of it and see what it is like....

I didn't even have a 21st birthday, because all my friends wanted to go out, but of course your baby comes first so, it's the things you have to be willing to sacrifice!

Good Luck!

Answer 5

I was married and pregnant at 20 years old and I had 3 kids by the time I was 23. My husband is super supportive. I am 27 now and wish we had waited a few years but we made it through. sound like you are having doubt and you need to be sure before you jump into a a Pail of dirty diapers literally.

Answer 6

It is your choice, know what you want and get it. Don't be afraid of being rejected by your fiance though or your family whatsoever, have confidence in yourself. Confidence is the key to success! Failures happen only in the unconfident. However, it does not mean that it is very easy to be a Mum, it is a job 24hrs a day and 7 days a week, with no holidays at all!

Answer 7

My opinion is to take at least a year after you marry before having a family.

Enjoy being newlyweds without huge responsibility of being parents so soon.


Then when you're exhausted, stressed, etc from raising a baby (ALL parents get that way at times) you can look back and remember the good old days.

I really wish that I had that time - cause my hubby and I had zero time together without a child.

Answer 8

i kno what u mean...i would give ne thing to have a baby but unfortunatly im unable.Although sometimes u have to look out for urself rather then others.If ur family does mean a great deal to u, talk to them about it....or if ur scared then hint around to ur soon to be and ur parents...such as what would u guys do if i had a baby or an alone talk w/ ur mom....ask her how old was u when u gave birth to me? Or how old do u think i should be before i have a baby? But in my own oppenion there really isnt a right age it depends rather u have what that baby is goin to need and if u can really care for another human life? But i also think u should ask ur self the biggest question....(am i ready) (can i really be responsible for another human life) (and if i do decide to have a baby will i still be able to enjoy the rest of my young life) there is alot of things to think about it but most importanly listen to ur heart!!!!! I hoped i helped....

Answer 9

i think u should get married if u want to but having a baby when ur 19 is pretty early and busy especially if ur in college so i think u should wait at least another 2-3 years to have a baby that should take some time to settle down

Answer 10

It is SO SO different when you have kids of your own. It's great but a LOT more work than you realize before you have them. They never go away, ever. Your whole life changes from what you've known before. Forget sleeping in or staying up to watch a movie with your sweethart or going out whenever you want to. Your life will completely revolve around your children. Enjoy your marriage and being young and wild and free BEFORE adding kids to the mix...they make life a whole lot more complicated and harder.