How to enter into the BDSM Lifestyle?

Question

I am very interested in learning about the BDSM lifestyle. But I feel like maybe it is something that I should get over and grow out of. I am 22 and feel that many guys that im attracted to in my age range(white males. 22-25) are either one of two things: 1.)Not interested/ or scared by the thought of it. 2.)Dont completely understand what I want from it.

I dont know how to explain something like that and it may be that I dont know much about it to really know what I want. I want to be submissive and I want to trust someone with having complete control.

I dont want people to think differently of me, but I know that I cant please anyone without first pleasing myself.

How does one go about entering the lifestyle, meeting people in the lifestyle, and just being open about it?

Answer 1

It is more like something you have to grow into. Start reading about it, if you haven't done so yet. Here are some links and articles:
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/BDSMinfo/what_is_s_m.htm

Try the FetishScene for links to clubs in your area...
http://www.fetishscene.com/

The following four sites specialize in BDSM related personals and some have online info too:
http://www.alt.com
http://www.bdsmdatelink.com/
http://www.bondage.com
http://www.collarme.com

Good luck!

Answer 2

Lifestyle Bdsm

Answer 3

There are several different points here, so I'll address them separately. First of all, don't feel like interest in BDSM is something that you need to grow out of. It's a perfectly valid way of expressing a part of yourself. Indeed, a lot of people in the lifestyle don't enter it until they are in their 30's or 40's even.

Secondly, yes, finding the right partner is frustrating. In terms of your desires, they are still more or less on the edge of mainstream, so there is going to be a fair amount of ignorance and fear regarding it. That is to be expected from the general population.

That leads to the main question. One of the best ways of entering the lifestyle is to become involved in a local lifestyle group. In most sizable cities they can usually be located through a search engine. One of the benefits of being in a group like this is that you are at more liberty to discuss your desires with others as they will generally be into them themselves, or at the very least tolerant and discrete. Another benefit is that you are far more likely to meet someone that would be willing to accept you as his submissive. Furthermore, it has the virtue of being the safest way to meet others as your are meeting a person face-to-face and can get to know him in that way instead of behind a computer keyboard.

In any case, I hope that you are able to find what you are looking for, and I wish you well.

Answer 4

Knowledge is power, and you can't decide what you like/don't like if you don't get a chance to learn....so check things out. Keep away from anyone who does NOT follow the "safe, sane, and consensual" concept, though; responsible kinksters hold carefully to these tenets.

The internet can be a great resource, but handle with caution; there are some looneytunes out there. (CHUDWAHs---Clueless Horny Dominant Wannabes.)
Don't know where you are located geographically, but check into local BDSM meet-and-greets---there's a listing in the back of Screw the Roses. You will do most of your "safe" meeting of people face to face. And they look so remarkably vanilla, which can be very startling.....(grin)

Recommended readings for newbies: SM 101--Wiseman--excellent overview of most BDSM techniques; very safety conscious; good commentary about BDSM vs. abuse.
Screw The Roses, Send Me the Thorns--Miller and Devon. Another classic; wonderful appendices. Basically heterosexually oriented, but still valuable.
Different Loving---Brame, Brame, Jacobs. Collection of interviews of people involved in different aspects of power exchange relationships.

Good sites: TES.org, castlerealm.com. Check their links.

Answer 5

First, you should read up on it to make sure that it's something that you want to pursue. If you find that you like it or are atleast still interested you can look on line for groups. Alt.com is a sight that deals with alternative lifestyles and its a personals site as well. That's a good place to start. But make sure that it's what you want. When they say it's an alternate lifestyle that is exactly what it is.

Answer 6

collarpurple.com has some good links. I've done a few LTRs that involved a collared sub and the relating is "different", to say the least. Much more intensity, understanding, depth and control are needed than a lot of your "youthfull" guys are even able to fathom. More info is available, dear. Good luck.

Answer 7

It's because the age group you're interested in hasn't matured enough to be able to admit that they like it yet ;-) Also it's that whole "white male" thing. Try out some females.... lol

Answer 8

I AM A BUDDEST ! U could be a Buddest & a Christian too, just like me. Buddaism is how u live ur life & go about understanding things. It's a BELIEVE not a RELIGON. A believe that MAN should live in PEACE & HARMONY & APPRECIATE the BEAUTY of NATURE, not to HARM it & respect the LIFE of EVERY LIVING CREATURE & not take it away. Richard Geer is a Buddest, but i doubt if he is (Actors like to pretend). I am also a Christian.
To be a Buddest, u can't eat anything that is killed(life taken). U can't love money & material things. U MUST BE A GIVER,..NEVER THE TAKER !!!

Answer 9

I think it should be very easy alt.com
You have the choices in a bigger city like LA or NY

Answer 10

Hope this helps!