What do you do? This is a long one so bare with me please.?

Question

I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of only 16. The only person I had by my side was my bf who i've been dating for 3 years now. He was sponsored by fox racing and loved to ride, but when I became ill he gave that all up to stay by my side and help me recover from my cancer. After spending almost 2 years in the hospital trying to recover I was finnaly released. He never left my side them whole 2 years. Now that i'm out we have been doing really bad, all we do anymore is fight. I would feel horrible if I left him after everything he's sacrificed for me. He pretty much gave up his life to save mine. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me with all of his heart, but what do you do when you fight all the time? Someone please help me and guide me on what to do.

What we mainly fight about is stupid things. The littlest things get turned into something hudge. When im not in a good mood he can tell because he knows me well enough by now. Instead of asking me if im alright he will get mad to and things just turn into a big mess. When I try and stop the fights, he says I just don't care enough to try and work things out. I really feel lik fighting with him was harder then fighting the cancer. Atleast with the cancer I won!

Answer 1

you have just been through what will hopefully be the toughest time of you life and you were lucky that you had someone who supported and stuck by you especially at such a young age. it is only natural that you two would start fighting now that you are out because the roles have now changed. when you were sick you would have lent on him for support, strength and survival. now you are out you would want your space and independence. he may feel that he is no longer needed. it would also have been very difficult to fight while you were in hospital. plus you have to get to now each other again, which is hard. i have been with my partner for 5 and a half years and he is the most infuriating person i know. he is also perfect for me. we fight all the time sometimes for so long that i start to question whether i want to stay in the relationship. the thing that keeps me going in that i love him to death. you seem to have that love for your boyfriend. if you love him with all your heart and you are not still together only out of guilt or obligation then ride the tough times out they will get better. good luck and sorry about the essay.

Answer 2

Ok well first you need to identify what the problem is. What can you possibly fight about? You should add that detail for it is probably the most significant part of your question. You guys clearly love each other, or at the least he has to love you if he stayed with you through such a hard time in your life, and gave up I imagine a good amount of money. So there has to be something to be saved thier and say what you fight about. What is there even to fight about at your age? LOL im 20. I am glad you got better and have enough energy to fight, but that energy must by diverted on positive things.

Answer 3

Some people aren't meant to be together as a romantic couple...or they change and grow in different ways and what was once a great relationship, isn't any longer...

Don't stay together out of guilt or obligation...if it's not a good situation, then you both have the right to be able to be happy as singles or to move on to other relationships that may be more suitable...

You were young when you got together...went though a very tough ordeal, but are both still young and may not be moving in the same emotional direction...

Talk to him...tell him how you feel...but also let him know that it's okay for y'all to go your separate ways if that's what's best for each of you and to salvage any kind of friendship...why stay together and do nothing but fight? This life is too short to spend a lot of it bickering with someone...

Answer 4

It's hard to answer the question without knowing what you've been fighting about and how old he is.

That's really great that he was with you for two years but weigh that against the rest of your lives. What's two years of good times measured against two DECADES or more of misery?

When you say, "the only person" by your side, was that the way things felt or was that literally the situation? Were you emancipated from your parents at 16?

Sweetheart, is your boyfriend medically trained? If not, he didn't help you recover, your doctors (and the grace of God) did.
Did he pay for your medical treatments? If not, I'm not understanding what he gave up to save your life.

Based on the information you've provided, it would be fair to say that your boyfriend sacrificed a lot of his time and his hobby to be by your side and that's it. That was a very nice thing of him to do--assuming you wanted him around.

It's hard to say anything definitive without more info. Message me if you like.

Answer 5

If I where you, I'll invite him out for a dinner and try to find out together what is going on. # 1 figure out who is starting the fights most of the time. #2 figure out what seems to be the main problem # 3 make sure that you are doing everything in your power to hold onto a man that is willing to do so much for you. The last think that you should be thinking at this point is separation, because you might never find someone like him again. make sure that you are not spoiled and keep expecting too much out of him now that you are okay.Last but not least, try to give him back everything he had done for you with love because he deserves it. Note: "I'm a girl with a man who would give anything for me; experience is talking I nearly lost him"

Answer 6

WOW First congrats...Now do you know what is sparking all the fights? Communication is the key! I have learned that when you bottle up emotions the explosion is much worse then it would've been if you would have just simply said, "You know it really irritates me when you leave the seat up, could you please try to remember to put it down." If you really have good communication and you are still having problems, see if he will go to counseling with you. ..I have another question. Do you think he is a little bitter that he couldn't race? deep down I wonder if he blames you for his career. Not that he should be just wonder if he feels that way. Really sit down with him and have a good talk (no yelling) and see if you guys can figure out what the problem is.

Answer 7

Sounds like you both have some hurt and frustration you need to work out. Yelling at each other is not the way to express that. When you realize your voice is raising or that you are about to start fighting, stop and think about what is really going on with you that is making things go that way. Then express it in a calm, clear manner.

When we fight, we tend to say things we regret. Don't let things get to that point. Before you say that thing you don't really mean, STOP and THINK about what's really going on with you.

You both need to be able to express what is going on with each other so that you can work through it. Don't get upset at him for expressing his thoughts and feelings, and help him undertand you need to feel safe to express yourself too.

Fighting is only a destructive cycle to get into. Get out of that cycle as soon as you can and work things out like you love each other, not like you need each other for punching bags. :-)

Answer 8

first tell that to NEw Line Cinema.
then try to force him to race again,i think the argueing is just what u think it is..he sacrificed alot and may have regrets.so if hes feels like he has a chance of getting back into what he once did maybe he'll be more amicable.. just a theory i guess,but if i were him i think thats what id want.

Answer 9

thats a though one girl... If you really love him and if you know he loves you too then try to make things better, talk more about the problems try to do what it takes to avoid having fights... Good luck in life ^^

Answer 10

Seek Jesus together and get a good mix of Elders in your relationship, set small goals in your discussions. Both of you are under extreme pressures, I'll pray for you BOTH !