10 points! Be funny!?

Question

I absolutly luv funny storys.
pleez dont put any discusting stuff.
and have fun!!!!!

Oh, shut up, Dew Drop.
Im gonna choose a person, and its not gonna be you!

thx for the laffs everybody else, but please try harder.

Answer 1

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner. When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them. At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home thru a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly." So in this way, their love won and they returned home. The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl was devastated and lost her senses. It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly. Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately. She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream. She again washed the stains but some still remained. But again the next night she had the same dream and this time the old
lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible would happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained. She was very tired.In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked on the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of
her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted..The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl. She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied... "Try Surf Excel Washing powder... just a dab and it will remove all the stubborn stains !!"





Another one

Teacher wrote the sentence "Woman without her man is nothing" and told the students to correct it.:

Guys wrote it as: "Woman, without her man, is nothing"
Gals wrote it as: "Woman, without her, man is nothing"

Answer 2

How to guess a woman's age




A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her.

She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says. "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man replies, "promise you won't get mad?" "I promise! I won't" she says.

He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

Answer 3

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves


Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."

Answer 4

A proud father looked around the dinner table at his family. His beautiful wife and three lovely daughters.

His wife's name was Elizabeth Hope, and his daughters names were Amanda Hope, Stephanie Hope, and Melissa Hope. Their last name was a testament to how they lived life... always with Hope.

Later that night, the family went to sleep. Their modest little house had only one bedroom, and they all slept there peacfully every night.

At about 3 am, the father woke up his 3 daughters and his wife, just to see them again. He loved seeing them and hearing them. Life couldn't be any better.

Well, the girls weren't as happy as he was... it WAS 3am, after all. After the women stared at him for about 3 minutes, his wife said in a rather stern voice, "Why the heck did you wake us up?!?"

The father looks at them all and says "No reason."

The four women prompty proceeded to throw every object in the room at him as they went back to sleep.

The moral of the story?

No matter how good life is, don't get your Hopes up for no reason.

Answer 5

My cousin fell off of a playground structure onto the ground and got a bad concussion. So her family sued the mulch company.
Get it?

Answer 6

one time I was in the back left of a car and an acorn came flying in from the front right window and hit me right on my head. I was in the very very back My friend and I were laughing are heads off

Answer 7

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 8

You aren't really going to give the points, are you?

You will just leave it up to the voters to decide the "Best".

Right???

Pretty sleezy, if that is your plan to attract answers..

Answer 9

ok