Single Women--need your help! Should I be looking for?

Question

a new man in my life. I have been divorced for 6 years. I was in a relationship with another man for 3 years and did some dating around that. I have posted a profile on some singles sites, but have never been really excited about responses to them. I can take care of my self financially. There are only a few things I don't feel comfortable doing alone (like eating out), but I can usually find a friend to do things with. I am 51 years old and not getting any younger. Guys will still buy me drinks and ask me to dance (early in the evening), but the thought of bringing a new guy into my intimate space doesn't excite me. It just seems like a lot of trouble. Is it OK to just settle for being content and alone? I am the funniest person I know and I have a great time in general. I meet lots of nice guys and I feel bad when I have to say, "I'm sorry, this isn't going to go any farther." What do you think? Could it be that they just push things too fast for me?

Answer 1

you need to do what makes you happy. If being single is truly what makes you happy, then go for it! But if you are just pushing them away becasue you are scared, rehtink the game plan :)

Answer 2

It sounds like you are pretty comfortable on your own. Most people settle into a routine. And don't like it when it is broken. It is okay to be alone if you are comfortable with it. And yes the men you meet could be going to fast for you. When the right person comes along you will know it. My mother in law went through the same thing a couple of years ago after losing her husband. Just make sure that the men you meet know you want to take it slow. You could also make it part of your profile on dating sites. Put down something like Friends first then???
Good luck.

Answer 3

It could be - it also could be that you have been by yourself so long that you feel why bother or that someone there would be an intrusion, in a way, to the life that you have been living.

There are many people who don't seek out partners for one reason or another. Maybe you just aren't ready yet, maybe you just will never want to love again.

Companionship in a relationship is nice - that is the part of my relationship that I like most. I understand not being thrilled with the replies - that is just like not being thrilled with every guy you go on a date with, except that you don't have to go out on the date to find that out.

Because you did ask this question, it does make me think that perhaps part of you wants to and thinks that this is "wrong" of you to feel this way - that you want to be alone. I was never one that really went looking for guys -I would just meet them if I was meant to - I guess is the way I look at it. That is when you meet the right ones -when you aren't even looking. Otherwise it can feel forced and unwelcome. Perhaps you can join a club in your area and maybe then you could meet someone that has similar interests- but not for that primary reason. And - if not, and like you said, you are happy, then just go about your daily life and if you suddenly one day meet that person that you want to spend time with - where it feels exciting and not like oh no not again and a hassle more than an enjoyment - then you spend time with him. But if you aren't really welcoming him, it would never work out anyway- you would kind of resent him for being there.

Divorce can be hard - so maybe that just took a lot out of you. I guess in the range on life - 6 years isn't much. Maybe you feel like that man was your love and it didn't work out for whatever reason and now you just want some time after that -I don't know how long you were married - but you did jump right into something else afterward and dated -- and it doesn't sound like you ever took much time for yourself.

So- that said, to me it sounds like you are enjoying your alone time and that you entertain yourself and go out with friends - and that is great. Too many people cling to empty relationships just to be with someone - anyone instead of ever really getting to know themselves - to enjoy themselves and I think that is so important. So I don't think there is anything wrong with what you feel - I think that if you ever feel ready and someone seems right, then - you may want to date them - but there is no rush. 51 is not too old anymore you know (its young!! :o) AND you sound most of all, young at heart so that will keep you young for years and years to come - why rush?? Enjoy yourself and if Mr. Right ever comes along, approach this then but as for now, take this much needed time for you~

Answer 4

I am younger than you by only a tad. I have a wonderful fiancee, who, by the way, I met online at a Yahoo group for the owners of Calico Cats....neither of us was looking for a relationship, it just sort of happened. We started writing off-list, then we got bold and talked on the phone for hours ( thank goodness for unused rollover minutes, and free nights and weekends), and then we decided we just had to meet.

But before him, I had been married, and divorced after 13 years...the marriage was 12 years too long :)

I remarried a wonderful man, and thanks to the combination of Diabetes Type 1 and congestive heart failure, I became a widow way too soon.

You sound like you are doing real well. When the right man comes and knocks your socks off, then you can wonder if he is Mr Right, but until then, obey your instincts and enjoy your life.

Nowhere is it engraved in stone that a women needs a man to be happy and fulfilled.

Be happy :)

Answer 5

There's no law or rule (written or un) that says or implies we must have a partner to be happy and live a full and worthwhile life...date if you want to date...don't date if you don't feel like it...certainly don't "settle" for someone just because you feel it's appropriate to have a partner...

If you are happy being single and independent, then that's what matters...if someone comes into your life at some point that you dig enough to share your life with, then you can decide at that point what you want to do...

Live your life for you and what makes you happy...don't go out looking for a relationship...but some day someone may cross your path who you want to be with...until that time, make your life the best you can as a single person...

Answer 6

i am younger than you and i dont feel comfortable in a possition giving you an advise,so i will simply say: dont push yourself to do things just becouse they "sound "or "seem " right.be yourself and you will be happy.Plus you dont need to be "looking" or "promoting" yourself ,like you said you have your admirers. If you meet someone who is worth your time or sparks your eye,your hearth will tell you. You sound like a woman that knows what she wants from life when and how to get it and done it,so i think the hardest thing for you to do is to try to trick yourself into something you dont really want. Just go with the flow..if nothing else comes along...at least you stayed true to yourself and you always have your family and friends.Believe your hearth.
hope it was at least a bit of help,good luck,best wishes

Answer 7

Welcome to the club Dear. I am 53 and single. The thought of trying again is so scary to me. I am happy with my life, but I would love to have a special someone in it with me. I feel like I am being pulled in two directions. I wonder if the best possible thing would be to have a wonderful lover living in the same apartment building or neighborhood and leave it at that. That way you could have the best of both worlds.

Answer 8

could be that they pushing to fast. As far as i see it, if you are happy alone and not really interested in sharing that deep of an intamacy with a new guy, dont. I believe that if you are happy with yourself and your life, whether alone or attached, then that is all that matters.As long as you continue to have a good time(and can get free drinks while you're at) there is no need to be in a situation that you are not comfortable with.

Answer 9

Sounds like you haven't met anyone you're really attracted to. If you're okay with flying solo for a while then by all means do so. There's nothing wrong with that. When you meet a man you want to spend time with then just tell him to take it slow and go from there. Just because you haven't met someone you want now doesn't mean you won't meet them later.

Answer 10

I am pretty much in the same boat..
I also put profile in dating sights..
I see nothing wrong with going out.. meeting a few men and enjoying some time together..
I even put in one of my profiles that I am not looking to let someone move in with me or for me to move in with them..

I say.. hell at our age.. time to enjoy life and what it has to offer.. no need to rush into anything.. Just enjoy the moments

Answer 11

I say is that you're content with the life you have now. All you need are some good girlfriends and you'll be fine. You don't need a man to make you happy.