I met this guy online, & we have been talking for 8 months. He is now in Afghanistan. We have been writing letters, emailing each other, sharing pictures, talking almost daily through IM, & he even calls me weekly. We have opened up, & shared some of deepest secrets. I do love him because I developed these feelings for him without sex complicating things. I am aware of people being different in person. I am also aware of the risk of what you see and feel could not really be there so I don't need anyone to tell me that. My question is do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone the way I did, & then get married? He comes home in 5 weeks, & no we are not getting married when he comes home I don't know when any of this is suppose to happen number 1 because I am not rushing into anything, and number 2 we know we need to get to know each other in person he just wants me to be his fiancé instead of is girlfriend while we do it due to the fact we have 8 months under our belts.
2006-08-22 12:17:05 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm sorry I did not make this clear he is in the military at war, it's not that he lives in another country.
2006-08-22 12:31:00 · update #1
You sound as if you have both discussed this situation. That is good. You may have a shock the first time you meet. You may take a while to get warmed up to each other face to face. That's a normal reaction. You both could be a little shy and tongue tied.
I'm not sure it is a good idea to get engaged right away. Why don't you give it a month? Go on actual dates and get to know each other better. After a month if you are both still sure this is right, go for it.
2006-08-22 12:26:52 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No probably not a good idea. I've been in a long distance relationship for 5 years. I only see her once a year. But it doesn't flow the same in person as it does over the internet via messages, phone, pictures, letters etc - You need to spend a lot of time together to fully consolidate the stability of your relationship. Even after 5 years I have my doubts about where this is going. I also liked the fact that we got feelings for each other without the complications of a physical relationship, but the physical is just as important, so you need to have both aspects covered before you make any serious commitments.
2006-08-22 12:21:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
even though you have 8 mos under your belt, an engagement is still rather premature at this point since you have never actually met in person. The fact that he wants to be engaged so soon indicates a bit of insecurity on his part which could later manifest itself as greater problems. I would wait and give it at least 6 mos of face time before you even consider it. Besides, I dont even know how old you guys are, but there has been a scientific study that shows that couple who marry before the age of 27 account for 85% of the divorce rate due to the fact that you dont even develop your full personality and value system until that age.
2006-08-22 12:25:42 · answer #3 · answered by tristan311_15 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know your answer. Speaking from experience, 85% of military marriages fail. Is he getting out? I've also tried the on-line dating thing and found no matter how you feel about a person, everything changes once you meet them. Either it will become more intense or completely dissipate. Just FYI, when men are overseas, away from women or with very few women, when a man meets one, feelings are far more intense. I don't know your or your boyfriend to say whether or not rushing is the best way to go, but your safer bet is to get to know each other in person.
2006-08-22 12:23:45 · answer #4 · answered by Angel Baby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, i wouldn't even be his fiancee. the romance will probably fade once he comes home and that romantic notion of him being far away while ur over here pining for him is no longer there. u don't want to rush things but yet u're willing to be his fiancee. that sounds to me like u're totally thinking with ur head and not ur heart. not! be careful because in order to really know a person, u have to interact w/ ea. other face to face. he could be a total sweet-heart online and be some kind of manipulative psycho in person or worse. don't rush into sex either until u both get tested. other than that, good luck.
2006-08-22 12:29:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people have years under their belts before they get engaged. Just keep it boyfriend girlfriend until you have a least a few more months actually together. If you're going to marry and spend the rest of your lives together, what's the harm in waiting longer to get engaged?
2006-08-22 12:22:21 · answer #6 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this marriage has been arranged by skill of your mom and father or elder brother and sister, then you definately've some reason to console your self as they'd not do the call without scrutiny and without thinking all factors.although, you have gotten asked them to grant of venture so as which you will consult from her and make an assessment.Marriage is often of venture. bypass forward with finished coronary heart. don't be shaky till there are different reasons which you haven't any longer disclosed.
2016-10-02 10:22:00 · answer #7 · answered by hewlin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything sound fine the way it is right now, but as you said, you need to get to know him in person. People can always mask themselves when they aren't actually in front of you. If you are lucky, then he is the way you think he is. Just don't rush into anything. See how everything goes in person first.
2006-08-22 12:53:46 · answer #8 · answered by Carrie! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Karma,
The thing is, as a person who has been married for 10 yrs, I can tell you that there are things you cannot know about a person until you have time to experience them on a day to day basis. Yes you may get along great now, but until you spend some time in each others company youll never know. PLEASE PLEASE dont decide to get married to somebody you have never met face to face!!!!
2006-08-22 12:22:39 · answer #9 · answered by tconlgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im goin to answer u truly: people change as soon as u r married, i ain't married but i can tell u that, i know this woman who had the same experience as you and she handed up to the hospital 3 times, she is divorced now, but u have to know that internet relationship are just mask, he can turn out to be a very bad person(maybe) but u have to know that person very well be4 u engage urself in something u will regret. pray God to guide u through whatever u r doin. be careful not be let urself empower by him. don't know if it help but may God be with u.
2006-08-22 12:26:55 · answer #10 · answered by naneya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋