GIRLS: please tell me, what is the problem with just being honest?

Question

My friend and I were meeting a girl tonight for the second time, and she was supposed to call several of her friends to come along. She called us at the last minute and said that she hadn't called her friends, and because her friends weren't coming, she wasn't going to come either.

I hate to be sexist, but in my observation, this is typical female bulls**t.

I have been stood up several times and had things like this happen before. For example, one girl agreed to meet me at a bar about six months ago, then showed up, didn't even take off her jacket, and stopped over to tell me she had to leave right away. She didn't say anything came up, didn't offer any explanation, she just left. That is just one example and there are more.

So, my real question is, if you are not interested in a guy, why not just say no?

Answer 1

Wow, some pretty lame answers there, huh. I don't know all the details, but I'm trying to piece together the important stuff here. I think that perhaps I have the upper hand on this Answers thing seeing as I may be more enlightened than the majority of the participants concerning some very important specifics.

You said it was the second time meeting the one woman and that you had agreed to meet (I'm assuming not for the first time) the other at a bar so I'm going to throw out the possibility that your appearance was what turned then off. I do think that your size may be a bit intimidating for most women and that's likely why she wanted to bring some friends along. Another possibility may be your eagerness. For men things are black or white, but in a girl brain there are an infinite number of shades of gray. A woman that is attracted at first sight may later decide that you're too clingy or moving too fast in the wrong direction. I can't speak for any of the other women, all I can do is try to imagine what they might be thinking in an attempt to help you to see what might make things easier for you.

I have you pegged for a touchy feely kind of guy and while lots of women like that I'm pretty sure it's sort of a rule that a man can't touch a women in any place that she didn't first touch him. Not following this rule would either turn off a woman fast or scare the sh!t out of her depending on what types of relationships she had had in the past. The easiest way to ensure a woman feels comfortably "loved on" and not scare her off is to keep this rule in mind. If she touches your hand then you may touch her hand in a similar way (try to keep these exchanges within a few minutes to keep the momentum going) Most women feel there is a sort of road map for touching. This usually involves the most social parts first (hands) and then working up the arms towards the face (a face touch will preceed a kiss typically) and then down the back. I'm not saying you did or didn't do anything specific as I wasn't there, just throwing things out as maybe's.

If the physical stuff isn't the problem then it must be the emotional stuff. Most women believe that it takes time to become emotionally attached and a man who is too eager to commit may have some unseen issue. I suggest pretending that you have other women who deserve your time until at least the third date. I would say flowers at the office might also be a good test to see if a woman is interested in your commitment before vowing your love. Many disagree with me on this, but I think that love is rare and not to be taken lightly. A man who falls too fast will soon hit bottom.

As I said, I don't really know what the problem is exactly and while it would be a perfect world if we were all just honest this is certainly an area of life where honesty isn't always as pretty as we might think it would be. Perhaps these women don't even know themselves what turned them off or can't wrap their heads around your ideas and don't want to feel stupid. I can go on all day long with possibilities but I don't know if I'm being of any help. You may of course contact me and I might be able to do better with more specifics, but your best bet may simply be to ask her. She may not have an answer and she may lie, but there is always the chance that she had a huge zit on the end of her nose and was on her period or couldn't fit into the dress she had planned to wear. I agree that it is typical female bullshit but that's just the way it's going to be if you want to be with a female (I know gay guys that are worse though)

I hope I haven't offended you and that you might still value my opinions. Best wishes

Answer 2

i think ur friend needs 2 get his own dates & not depend on ur date 2 furnish some 4 him. sometimes girls just feel more secure with their friends. there is nothing wrong with this. i dont thin it is "sexist" i think u should ask urself, what am i doin that i have been stood up 4 the dif. times it has happened. look over each situation & examine it. c if u r doin or saying the same things, i f so maybe u should chg something. girls can b fickle, if one of her girlfriends has said something negative about who she is dating, she will prob not c u just 4 that reason. u didnt say how old these girls r, but just know that the older they get, the more honest they become. quite frankly tho, most men find it hard 2 handle the honest ones. u may not b one of them, so it would not apply 2 u.

Answer 3

Men do the same thing.. make excuses after asking someone to meet them and not show up..
The only thing I can think of it that it sounded like a good idea at the time and said yes (or asked) then has second thoughts.. maybe got scared or just plain felt dumb.

The thing I get a laugh out of is people that say that looks do not matter and communication is important.. then they fail to communticate..
It isn't that hard to say.. "you are nice but.. I do not think this would work out"

Answer 4

Your question is a valid one. It doesn't matter if it is a man or woman. If you have no intention of following through with a date, then just decline the offer. It is very rude to agree to meet someone and then not show up. If there really is some kind of emergency you should call ahead and let them know. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.

Answer 5

After reading these previous answers I can see a little truth in most of the responses. I can also say that it is not just a matter of women but also in men too. I can offer one little positive thing about the whole situation. It sounds like you weeded out a dud before you spent your time and money on her... My good friend once said this to me (and I know that she is talking about a woman here but work with me) "sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince"

Answer 6

Some girls get off on knowing a guy is interested. It cannot be helped.

Answer 7

Your right if they are not interested then they should not make plans......some people don't care about the other persons feelings...sorry this happened to ya..good luck in the future

Answer 8

Sounds like to me you are asking out the wrong girls.
Try Women! seriously though you are asking out the wrong ones.
keep trying you will eventually find a good one. Or you will find her where you least expect to.

Answer 9

it has been my experience that some guys just can't take "NO". they either have ear plugs in and don't want to hear it or they think that the "no" is just for that night and not for eternity.

Answer 10

Well I wouldn't have made a date with a guy if I wasn't interested. Maybe you're doing something creepy or you smell bad, I dunno either that or you go for really dumb self centred girls.