My two year old likes to hurt baby sister and animals?

Question

I don't know what her problem is but she's getting worse and worse. She likes to make her sister cry by bighting her fingers, sticking her hand down her throat, twisting her arm, bending her fingers backwards, you name it. She even tries to smother her with pillows. She laughs while she does this stuff. Then we bought some little gold fish for her yesterday and she killed two of them by stabbing them with her toothbrush (I was busy with baby). What is this problem? What is causing it? She's getting worse, and it first started when her little sister was born.

Answer 1

Your daughter is jealous and needs to know that you love and value her. When she is NOT acting out, heap praise on her. Ask her to help you do chores and make it a fun time. Sort the laundry by throwing it into piles and cover her with it. When you finish pick her up with the pile and say that this pile is heavy and is going to need to run through the "get the extra dirt off of these clothes cycle." She will be giggling and kicking the whole time, and having tons of fun. Ask her to help with the babies. Even at two she can help you with the baby. Get her to carry the wet diapers to the pail. Let her help you put powder on the baby, etc. Put them both in the same bath and get her to help wash the baby. This makes her feel that you still love her. She is going through the same emotional separation that husbands endure during the first 6 to 12 months after a new baby. Do not feel guilty, as you do what you can do. Now you have an easy tool that will help you a lot. If she is talking clearly, get her to help "read" the baby bedtime stories. Anything you can do to get her involved with the baby will awaken her maternal instincts and should turn off the jealousy monster.

When she behaves badly, firmly, but without being angry or overly excitable, chastise her and end the "punishment" right there. If she continues the bad behavior or if she repeats it within a short time, a time-out or nap is in order. When she bites, if you can catch her starting to bite, make her bite herself instead. I know that some parents oppose popping or other forms of physical punishment, but one that I found VERY effective with the kids in my care over the years is what I called “self-discipline.” I had them smack their own hands and tell them that if they fail to do it right, I will do it for them. Believe me, they pop their own hands harder than I would ever consider. It only takes a few times using that technique and the bad behavior stops.

My most effective time out with a two-year old is to have him stand facing the wall right beside the TV with his favorite tape or CD playing and he cannot see it. Keep that in mind for the teen years, except you should step it up to what I call "electronic restrictions." Restrict access to electronic devices not necessary for homework. No TV, games, computer, radio, phones, etc. By the time they are in their teens, acting angry only serves to make them believe they have power over you, so be calm, and smile when you dish out the punishments. Is it a bit cruel? Yes, but what punishment is not cruel to some extent? The key is that is superbly effective.

As you can see, innovation is my main ally when dealing with kids. I love kids of all ages. Over the years, I have had many relatives send their kids to “Uncle Will’s Boot Camp.” Most beg to return home within a week or so because I refuse to allow kids to run my household. I am very strict, but also very loving. When they deserve it, I spoil them and let them know that spoiling is the opposite of punishment. I tell them that I spoil in order to show love and appreciation for good behavior. Sometimes I use only second-hand praise when I know that they can hear it. For instance, I tell my mother that “nephew” has gone three days without whining and I am really proud of him for it. I think that the overheard compliments build their self-respect

One more thing before I close this one: you need to pick one night each month that you reserve for you and your husband (if you are married). Find a baby sitter to stay with the kids, and spend an evening just for the two of you. Even if the dining out is McD’s, it does not matter. Mix up what you do, but commit to that night and try to avoid letting other matters push the scheduled “date night.” If you are not married, get a friend to go with you. If you cannot afford motels, then arrange an overnight sitter to keep the kids at their house. This affords you the opportunity for a romantic night.

Good luck!

Will D
Enterprise AL
http://www.notagz.com

Answer 2

My two year old started out hurting her baby sister as well. She is slowly growing out of it but at the beginning I spent a lot of time getting after her - this only seemed to make things worse. Make sure your oldest has time just with you and then just with daddy. Do some special things with her one on one. With my oldest daughter, I've been working with her on trying to find new ways to make the baby smile. She gets very excited now when she gets the baby to smile. Often I think a two year old is looking for any reaction they can get. If they can make a baby cry, it's like pushing a button and getting music on a toy. I hope this helps a bit. I know it's a challenge, just hang in there.

Answer 3

"Spare the rod, spoil the child" is an old wives tale told by people who don't understand how to use time out. My son has been having time outs since he was 18 months or less and he hates them--it hasn't made him defiant at all. If he is getting worse and also hurting animals, too, and has been doing this since before his sister was born, than he needs help. If it started when his sister was born, than he's probably jealous of the attention you need to give his sister. First, you must be firm and consistent. Find a "time out" spot. Ours in the doorway between the kitchen and dining room. Everytime you warn him not to do something, and he does it, put him on time out with an explanation. If he's two and a half, put the timer on for that amount of time, and go about your business. Do not speak to him or pay attention to him in anyway. If he gets up, put him back as many times as you have to without talking to him. He'll get it quickly if you are consistent. Insist on an apology after time out is over, or he has to do it again. Sometimes, rarely, we've had our son in time out for 4 times. But when he learned we weren't giving in, he did. If this continues to get worse, than I would speak with the doctor and get him some professional help.

Answer 4

First, she's going through the "terrible twos" where most kids will try anything and everything! Next, she has a new sibling she's competing with, for attention.
What you need to do is set aside some time to spend with only her. I know it's hard, especially with a baby, but she needs this time alone with you. Read to her, play with her toys with her, anything so she knows that your attention is focused on her.
When she misbehaves, correct her.She has to learn that it's inappropriate behavior.
Try to get her involved with your other children. When bathing the baby, let her "wash" it's arms and/or legs. This will teach her proper responses and make her feel important.
Two year olds have short attention spans, so try to guide her in the right direction, even if it has to be done hundreds of times a day.
Let her pick out clothes for the baby.

Answer 5

She's still young enough to inflict cruelty on younger children and small animals without understanding the consequences - that it hurts. But it's time to start teaching her. Not only should your baby not suffer, but your 2 yr old needs to learn how we act in society and she needs to develop some empathy and compassion. Keep animals away from her until she does. Institute very strong punishments for hurting baby and apply them consistently - EVERY time. Start talking to her, on her level, about how we don't want to hurt poor little defenseless animals, and how pinching, etc. hurts.

Don't jump to the conclusion that there's a psychological problem - there may not be. If it continues, despite your best efforts, while she's 3 and 4, then it may be psychological.

Answer 6

I don't know what causes it but my 4 year old brother does the same thing..... I think the best thing is to punish her for doing those things.... Like taking away her things and stuff like that. My mother recently found out a new method of punishing...... She tells him to stand facing a wall with his knees on the ground it works well on him..... Come to think of it r u giving her the same amount of attention as u did b4 the baby because she might feel like u only care about the new baby..... It is just comon jealousy between siblings I think.... try giving her more attention then maybe she will stop becase she feels like u care about her to.... try spending some alone time with her

Answer 7

Good grief! I don't know if a shrink can do a two year old any good, but at least get her to a pediatrician - maybe they can recommend a psychiatrist who specializes in early childhood. She's only two but my god, sounds like some serious sibling rivalry to me, and the fish thing is rather scary too.

Answer 8

well i think you answered your own question. first you said that she did the fish thing when you were "busy with the baby" then you said it started when your baby was born.

Spend more time with the 2 year old. Show her that you still have time for her.

Answer 9

she wants attention.show her that she cant do it when she hits the animal or her sister tell her no be gentle and take her hand and rub it on there face and then put them in time out for how ever long. Soon enough she will stop. Good luck=]

Answer 10

Get her some counseling or see a doctor...SOMETHING FAST!!!...it sounds like more than just jealousy. You should take care of this immediately before something worse happens like she really does smother the baby.