Single mums, please tell me how you cope? what would you have done differently? what help is out there?

Question

my husband doesn't want to have children. I have tried to convince him, especially for the past 18months but he doen't want to hear anything. So.... I am thinking of leaving him, move on and given what it takes to find MIster right, well... I am considering having a baby on my own.
My husband and I were together 10 years this summer, 4 years married.
Making a baby 'by accident' with him is not an option.
I live in Manchester, I have a full time job, I rent a room at the moment in a house.
I am 34years old and refuse to wait any much longer to have a child.

Answer 1

It's very possible to raise a child on your own. You need to get to a place where you are able to do it financially. Secondly, you need to have a whole lot of love to give.

Answer 2

It is very hard being a single mum. The first thing you have to make sure of is support from family and friends otherwise you can kiss the full time job goodby unless you get a flexi with a council job.
The baby stages will be the loneliest and most draining. You have to have someone around that can take over and let you get at least four hours sleep no interruptionsie friends and family.

Nursery is very expensive unless you give up work for two years and then its free but be prepared for all the days of work with a sick child bcs they catch everything again need of friends and family so your employers dont get pissed off with you
Once you have a child you are no longer priority - if you are ready for that then its a bonus
You dont have to share important making decisions with anyone you can do what you please with your child which is sooooooo cool. No stupid arguments or interferences.
Downside is if you have a boy - you need to realize boys need men in their life its a fact of life - again if you have males in your family or amongst your friends that are willing to do the bike ride show him how to pee and not miss the bowl, things like that bcs as a mother with a son - You may think you can do it just as well but stats show single moms with boys - well the boys lack of father or role model always brings about problems
FInally - it would be nice for you tomeet someone decent to do it however if it doesnt work out and you do it by yourself - it will be the most amazing experience of your life and define you as a person as well as a woman and watching them grow and the amount of love that will consume your being will be something that you will never experience in your life with anything else. Not even with a partner
Good luck

Answer 3

I can see ur point, ur biological clock is ticking and u dont want 2 wait. i'm just 21 and have 2 children (eldest is nearly 3 and youngest is 8months) they bring lots of happiness and fun but it can be hard when they're very young (babies), after the first yr is over things get a lot easier and u just enjoy being with them. it's not all hard work, all they need is fun and laughter, do the chores when they're in bed or have a nap during the day.
if u really want kids go 4 it, dont wait. it's ur right as a woman 2 have a child if u want 1 and can give it a happy home and support it. and if u need any coping advice just mail or im me. good luck

Answer 4

I'm a single mum of 2 and I say that as long as you have family and friends who will help you then go for it!!! Make sure you get yourself settled first ie a home not a room!! Did you know before you got married that he didn't want to have children? An "accident" might make him resent the child and split you up anyway. Go for it, its not that bad being a single mum and if you get a babysitter now and again you'll be fine!! But don't give up work, don't go on benefits and be a single mum, that's a completely different story!! Hopefully you can work it out with your hubby but if he refuses, do it alone!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 5

I've been on my own for 6 years, since I was 3 months pregnant. Friends are a blessing that you shouldn't take for granted. Never refuse offers of help, and if you can get on the council house list while pregnant, then so much the better (although this could take a while, waiting list in Sth. Manc is around 2 years. tell them your one room isn't suitable for a child. They will also need the form proving that you're pregnant)

Also, never underestimate the power of charity shops and car boot sales :-)

It's hard on your own but fulfilling. And you don't have a brainless f*cknut interfering with your childrearing decisions (which, in my case is a blessing, as my ex is a brainless bully)

Good luck :-) You're a woman, anything's possible :-)

Answer 6

You focus on your child and don't worry about the rest. Kids do not come with rule books. I was actually a married woman who divorced when my son was less than 6 months old. I think I would have tried to relax more and have fun with my son. Department of Human services may help with medical exspenses associated with pregancy and delivery. Did you not know that your husband didn't want children before you wed? It's best to move on if a compromise can not be obtained with your spouse. It will tear you a part eventually and you will be resentful and hateful.

Answer 7

u are in a very difficult sittuation and i really feel 4 u,u are right in the sense of not wanting to leave it any longer.but im a 26 year old mum of 3,and its very hard its a struggle money wise u will also need a flat,and babies dont come cheap either.the thing that keeps me going is the love 4 my children.its hard being a lone parent,and can be very lonely to.try at lest to find somone half decent.good luck luv paulax

Answer 8

why the f**k are women obsessed with having children. Ask any mum married or single and they will tell you how HARD it is to rear them. Most women thank god are lucky and the child is healthy. What if the child is not. What if it has an illness that requires constant medical attention and spends lots of time in hospital. I admire you at least you asked your husband.

Answer 9

I brought up two children on my own, and it was hard, but managable. Love is the key. Always having time for your child. Both mine are fab kids and I am so proud of them. Their dad never saw them when we got divorced, he sees them now, on their terms, and he actually agrees that they been brought up well. You will have to learn to take the good with the bad, and follow your instincts. But be careful how you decide to get pregnant. The rewards are continuous. Take care and good luck

Answer 10

m not gonna judge you its not my plce bu please think a bout what you have writen
if you leve your husband thats up to you but to have a child on your own is so hard ....
i found it lonly frustrating and scary (i almost died when having my son ) you will get child benifit
you can apply for working familys tax cradit

its only my opinion dont want to get you mad or any one else try and find some one you love first who wants a child with you beor you try and have a child by your self you never know if your child is gonna be speicel ( have an autistic child im not being meen )

i hope you find happy ness and have the child you want with the man you want