Why do people think spanking is wrong?

Question

The generations that are our grandparents now almost all were spanked. The majority of them don't seem to have turned out violent, or lacking in self esteem. In fact, it seems that our culture has gotten more violent as a whole recently, since spanking has become unpopular.

There is a difference between abuse and spanking. I'm talking about sitting with a child, explaining the punishment and spanking, NOT hauling off and hitting your child in anger as soon as they do something wrong.

All answers appreciated.

Answer 1

Research indicates that spanking is harmful and that it is actually not effective in the long run. When young children "misbehave", they often do not understand what they did "wrong", or, even more frequently, what they could have done instead to get their needs met. Thus, when adults spank, they lose an opportunity to teach the child the correct behavior. Even when parents talk to children and then spank, the act of spanking causes feelings of mistrust, rebelliousness, and low self esteem to develop - none of which helps teach the child appropriate behaviors. But, perhaps the most compelling argument for not spanking is that spanking causes fear &/or stress for a child. According to brain development research, a person's brain becomes unable to learn or less effective at learning when under stress. Therefore, if your goal is to teach appropriate behavior, and you spank, you actually set your child up for failure because the brain shifts into a fight or flight mode and becomes less able to learn.

As for our parents and grandparents...they did the best that they knew at the time. Today, however, we are fortunate enough to have research which helps us understand child development, and thereby we can change our parenting practices to meet what we now know is best for children.

Answer 2

that's a hard question to answer, all kids are different , punishment works for some and not others . you can talk to some kids and make them feel bad and some may need a spanking, there is a big difference between spankings and abuse , some times we get angry and spankings turn to abuse, that when we need to walk away ,when you feel like knocking there head off there shoulder

Answer 3

I hate spanking, and I think it should only be used as a last resort. But sometimes that's the only way to get a child's attention. And there is a difference between spanking on the bottom with a hand and hitting them with a belt, spoon, etc.

Answer 4

The thing is though that it is very easy to really hurt the child if you spank in anger. Like - you come in and see the kid has opened his diaper and fingerpainted crap all over the walls. Or you just bought a quart of milk and he *threw* it on the floor, top flew off (broken) and all the milk glugged out over your clean floor. Or the kid *throws* your new lamp, smashing it to bits. So you are furious, you can really hurt him.

So you wait till you're not mad to spank. But then does he know why you're spanking him? That's the puzzling thing to me about spanking. If you do it while you're hot, you can really be rough and jerk the kid around (at least I am!) but if you do it later, does he know why or make the connection? Maybe with kids a little older but I don't think toddlers know.

Anyway, I've spanked all my kids at one time or another but I really, really try not to because I always feel bad afterwards, like I'm a big horrible bully picking on him. Which, actually I am if you think about it. I'm bigger than him so I'm teaching him if you are bigger you can physically punish someone when you don't like what they've done. And I don't know if I want him to get that message.

So - I'm not entirely against it of course, my 2 yr old son is very trying and I feel like spanking him often (but don't!). He does things my girls never even thought of doing. Thing is, the few times I have given in and spanked him it didn't seem to help. In fact , he seems to become more aggressive and angry. So I try to find other solutions.

Answer 5

People confuse spanking with beating the living daylights out of children. There is nothing wrong with a good old fashioned spanking, do they hurt? Yes! Do they leave marks? NO!
Are parents in control while doing them? Yes! if there doing them right they are.

Answer 6

i think that children are intelligent enough to understand that they did something wrong without being hit. also, i think that giving a punishment that is related to the thing that they did wrong is much more productive and they learn from it alot more. alot of kids just take a spanking and go on not learning a thing except that they will get hit when they do certain things. giving punishments that make them think helps them grow and not want to make that mistake again. i think that spanking is a punishment that parents give when they dont want to take the time to sit down with their kid and explain to them why they are in trouble and what they could do differently next time. its important to take a minute and teach a lesson; help your child grow. dont just spank them and go on with your day. what good does that do for your child?

Answer 7

Spanking has been used as a form of disapline for centuries and in many different countries. This didn't become an issue until the last 50 years. It also seems that it is in the last 50 years that their has been a decline in good Christian values and morals.

Anyone see a conection?

Answer 8

Spanking with a hand is fine. Hitting is totally different. Make sure if you spank to explain why afterwards some kids spanking doesn't work it just makes the behavior worse. Example my 4 yr old niece. Everytime we try spanking she just increases bad behavior. My five yr old niece it works just fine on I think it depends on the child and their personaility

Answer 9

I personally could not look into the eyes of my child and spank them. There are other means of getting their attention and getting them to behave and respect you. Spanking is physical force and even adults are not allowed to use physical force on one another "to get your attention" I was not spanked as a child, I have not spanked my son and we're all perfectly happy and respectful of one another in our family. My husband had spanked our son as he lacked the patience I do in dealing with everyday problems that occure with raising children. My husband was spanked when he was a child. His mother lacked the patience in dealing as well. My husband though that spanking was "ok" because there is no real corralation between spanking and growing violent or what have you. But after having spanked my son on one occassion, seeing the fear in his son's eyes was enough to change his mind. We prefer now to parent using positives..not negatives.

Answer 10

I never seen a parent so far hitting their child with a smile and being "ok". All I seen is parents who are angry that their child did something "wrong" in that parent's eye.

I am against spanking. If have to resort to causing pain on one's body, then need to re-advise the parenting skills. Possibly taking parenting class's on how to handle particular behavior. If a child is lashing out and upset, maybe it is the parent's fault who are too stuck on their own issue than to realize it affects the children as well: divorce, parents dating others, bully from school, lack of attention, lack of guidance. etc.

I believe the consequence itself can be the punishment for the child. If caught stealing and get arrested, well don't bail them out. Make them sit in Juvy for awhile. Get them to do their community service and go seek those who did higher offenses.

If a child runs in traffic and grab them. I think the whole situation of the child having a "scare" might resort them to think twice. I know I was that child. I didn't get spanked to realize how close I was to getting hit at age 4. From then on, I looked both ways and walk in cross walks (not J-walking).

Grandparents who spanked also were abused themselves, alcoholic familes or carried on to abuse to their children. Grandparents also been taken in their grandkids. Kinda tumbles the whole grandparents had better culture back then since they too lacked parenting skills if down the line had a tumble.

Kids got more violent because media (society, which declares parents and grandparents) are making it be.

Who is for spanking, yet buy's their son's video games or lets them watch movies with action in it?

Spanking is violence. It is physical action carried out by emotion. Teaching a child to hit when upset or someone done thing they felt was wrong. "Don't hit your sister" is a line I always heard as a child and myself. If my mom hit me, what justifies her to hit me, but not me to hit my "sister" or "brother". Very conflicting to some children.