What is a good way to manage pre-wedding stress?

Question

Planning a wedding is VERY difficult, and my family and friends are making things worse. My bridesmaids want to pick thier own dresses, groomsmen dont want to wear a tux, my mother wants her friend to cater and not allow me to help choose the menu, people are taking things over and I dont know what is being handled and not being handled. Any suggestions on how to slow the chaos and manage my stress better?

Answer 1

Start with this. First tell everyone to remember that this is your wedding between you and your soon to be husband, and decisions need to be made between the two of you.
Next who is paying for the wedding/reception? if your parents have any financial input, believe it or not you owe them the respect of helping them spend their money wisely and respecting them for their financial help.
The brides-maids are there for you and to help you with the organization as well as the planning. That doesn't give them the right to wear what they want, and if they do not understand or appreciate the position that you gave them, tell them they will be replaced.
Your soon to be husband needs to also take the same stand with the groomsmen. He needs to tell them what is expected of them and that there is no room for compromise. If they are not willing to conform, they will also be replaced.
They biggest thing in the financial aspect is that if you and your soon to be hubby are not paying for things, the planning in regards to the costs are not in your hands. If you two are paying, then you need to tell dear Mom to butt out of things.

Answer 2

Yes, planning a wedding is very difficult, maybe you need to hire a wedding coordinator to handle some of the more mundane tasks...just an option, but don't know if you have the $$ for that. Your family and friends are not out to get you, realize that now. Maybe on the bridesmaids dresses there can be a compromise...you pick the color and store (David's Bridal is a good one for this) and allow them to pick the dress. You can even pick the specific designer if you'd like, or stipulate that it be floor length, and then let them choose the dresses they feel will be most flattering to them. You wouldn't want to have to shell out your hard earned $$ on a dress you hated, would you? Then don't make your friends do it. Tell your groom that he needs to tell the groomsmen to get over it, and have them put on the tuxedos. Explain to your mom that you want to choose the catering firm, and you want to choose the menu, and leave it to her to undo whatever she's done with her friend...unless, of course, your MOM'S paying for the wedding, then she's got some control there. You need 1 person to be the point person, and know everything that's going on, or it will turn into chaos. It doesn't have to be you, like I said, it can be a wedding planner, or even a good friend that you trust implicitly. It might be easier to handle the family/friends issues anyway with one, then you can just tell the planner to deal with them and let him/her be the "bad guy." Try not to let the stress get to you though, remember a wedding is just for a day, but a marriage will last a lifetime! Good luck to you!

Answer 3

To manage your stress you MUST MUST MUST schedule yourself some non-wedding related time. And I don't mean sleep - you need to go do things that have nothing to do with the big day. Or have a dinner out with friends where the wedding is a forbidden topic. Anything to keep balance in your life.

Bridesmaid dresses - choose two or three styles, have the gals vote and be done with it. Rarely does a bridesmaid love her dress. Or do what a friend of mine did - David's Bridal has mix-n-match sets. Have everyone wear the same skirt in the same color and tell them they can pick any top they want in that color. It really does look nice.

Groomsmen - unless the groom is leading the revolt, they need to sit down and stuff a sock in it... and I don't mean in their BVDs. It's a wedding, they'll live. Besides, tuxes can be rented for flippin' cheap.

Mom and caterer - this could be tricky. Is mom paying? If so, compromise with her about her friend, but tell her you are going to make the final food decision with her.

It isn't bridezilla to want to know what's going on with your own wedding. Just make sure you don't get snippy / mean / overly demanding... in other words, a b * tch about things.

Answer 4

I only took 2 days off from work before my wedding. I wish I had taken the entire week. I had lots of trouble focusing on things. Getting married is one of the most stressful things a person can do in their lifetime. I don't know why people are whining about a dress code. If they don't like it, then they should keep their thoughts to themselves this late in the game instead of venting to you. Your fiance doesn't need to have his vows written until the night before. Don't worry, he's probably just as nervous as you are about getting in front of people and wants to get it right. Will it go smoothly? There will probably be something that goes wrong...but those are the things that you will look back upon and laugh about later. Our ceremony went well, but there was a problem at the reception. The electricity went out, there was a short, and then there was a little fire. We had the fire department. It actually livened things up. The best thing is to have a sense of humor about it. Life is not always going to run smoothy, either. It's all in how you deal with it. One thing I did was to go to do yoga to help with the stress. Another thing I did was to go to movie with my brother. Another things was to spend time with my friends the day before the wedding.

Answer 5

Let the bridesmaids chose their own dresses even if they are different styles ,so long as they are the same colour. Let the groomsmen wear a nice suit. Let your Mothers friend cater she will be more experienced in what folk like to eat, just give her ideas. Just take some deep breaths and try to remain calm, and get everything ready one month before so that you can relax. And also do not eat fruit sweets or chips, that way you will have a good complexion on the day.

Answer 6

You cannot make everybody happy, so you have to start making desisions on your own and start being explicit about your wishes.

-Pick the bridemaids dresses yourself and just inform them where to get it. Expecting different women to agree on dresses is an imposible task.

- Tell the groomsmen where to rent tuxes and simply tell them that dress code will no be changed and that they are expected to be dressed accordingly.

- Tell your mom that her friend may cater the wedding but you must approve of the menu first to make sure that your husband-to-be likes and dislikes are taken into consideration as well.

Make a list of questions and sit down with your mom, so you have the peace of mind that there are no loose ends and to make suere that your personality and wishes are being respected.

Good luck

Answer 7

This is your day, your choice, your wedding, your way. It's that simple.

It's time to have a "family meeting" including everyone that would be involved in your wedding party. Communication can make things go smoothly if you are honest with everyone about your feelings. It is also a good forum to get everyone's ideas out on the table and sometimes people just want to be heard.


And if all else fails.....you can always elope. I've known couples married for 50+ years that have done just that. :)

Answer 8

sweety first step back and breath for a second. Next sit everyone down and make it perfectly clear that its your wedding and not theirs, so things should be done your way and if they do not like it, they do not have to be in the wedding. And for your mother trying to butt you out on the catering decision.....you once again need to sit her down calmly and try not to let emotions and all the stress get in the way, and let her know that you are the bride, not her.

As for the stress of planing a wedding, I do suggest hiring a wedding planner, or deligate task to the bridal party (that is what they are there for).

Answer 9

Don't be a bridezilla, but let people know that this is your dream day and that you don't wat to look back and see that you gave up what you really wanted. Be nice about it but stand your ground in the places that really matter to you and if something that doesn't matter to you as much becomes an issue, just try to let it go! My future Mother in lw can be controling, so i gave her the task of finding someone to do the video of our wedding, that way she feels like she has a place too!

Good luck and congrats!

~Sarahybethy

Answer 10

i know all about it i got married 3 yrs ago i had to change my dress b/c one said it was too much then when i found a cheaper dress she still was not happy alot of stress so just call a meeting tell everybody what is what then if any body have something Elsa to say tell them it is your wedding and unless they are paying then let it be you can stay in or get out plane and simple