im really annoyed!!! why does my internet girl friend whom i think alot of, whom ive known for a year?

Question

on the net, from canada, just suddenely stop speaking to me...? she'll say hi, and how are you, i'll say fine and how are you..she'll keep it short and basic, and just all of a sudden stop talking to me....the conversation will just taper off. and im seething at her on the other side!! what is it??!! i thought id built up some kind of a relashionship with her, fell out, broke up, then made up days later..and ok shes all the way in canada and me england, im 29, she 19...but i dont understand this. dam it!!!! this way of talking with the hi how are you, then goin silent has gone on for a couple of months now, and i keep tryin to extract more from her!!!!!

its like she just stops talkin...thats it..grrr, an i dont wanna ive myself she dont wanna give herself. i know ultimatly im gonna get hurt in this relashionship somewhere. she went to a weddin the other day, she told me she got drunk, and its got me feelin angry. because what do girls do when they get drunk??

Answer 1

It sounds like she is trying to be nice to you, and dump you without hurting your feelings. She is also probably feeling some guilt about it, and wants to avoid being made to feel like a bad person. If you truly care about this person, you'll thank her for the considerate way in which she's dumping you, and let her know that you don't consider her to be a bad person.

You are not a bad person. This is unfortunately very normal. It happens thousands of times every day. It is natural to want to blame the other person when a relationship goes sour, but if you are really serious about understanding what is going on, this can be a good learning experience for you.

Nobody likes to invest time and effort into something and be disappointed. But you need to learn to take what good you can from it and move on. If you can't let go and let the other person make her own choices, it wasn't love anyway.

Furthermore, this seems like a classic example of codependent personality disorder. The guy is so insecure that he is always suspicious and jealous, and is constantly checking on or controlling the woman. The only way he can trust that she will stay with him is if he makes her to be a bad (worthless) person. And on the flip-side, the woman is so insecure that she feels that "even if he is controlling and suspicious, at least he wouldn't dump me". She will do things to make the partner jealous, just to get confirmation that he really cares.

This is a vicious cycle, and goes nowhere good. So, since you seem convinced that she is "cheating" on you, ask yourself what happens if you are right, and if she comes back to you as you seem to wish. You don't want that. If she comes back to you (and apologizes for blowing you off), then you should advise her in the politest way possible to seek therapy, and then stop talking to her. If it hurts to get dumped, think how much worse it will be to spend the rest of your life wasting time on someone who only feels loved when you feel insecure. And if you truly care about her, you don't want her to be wasting her life getting stressed about a jealous a controlling boyfriend who blames her for everything.

And if she doesn't come back to you, then you should feel happy for her for making the healthy choice, and do likewise -- move on with your life.

P.S. Kudos for asking the question. Most people in these situations try to keep it a secret and would rather blame than ask for advice; and it only hurts themselves in the long run.

P.P.S. I noticed that you posted 155 times in the last month saying things about how angry/lonely you are (this is not a good way to attract women; you get the wrong kind of women this way), and apparently this girl is not the only one you have felt this way about. For your sake, I strongly suggest you look for a Co-Anon program in your area and enter it independently. If you are serious, you can get past this.

Answer 2

First of all, "what do girls do when they get drunk"?! Cmon, are you really that chauvenistic? When girls get drunk they fall asleep. Getting drunk doesnt mean anything at all. Maybe she isnt speaking to you much because it is very obvious that you dont trust her. Also, she is 19! She is still learning what it means to be an adult. She has a lot going on in life, and prob isnt too serious about having a bf. (and, again, that doesnt mean she wants another guy, it means that she wants to hang with her friends instead of having a serious relationship.)
The best advice I can give you is: ASK HER YOURSELF!
why are you asking strangers? you should be talking to her!!
If she doesnt give you a good answer, then move on. Or go visit her or send her a plane ticket and talk to her in person.

Answer 3

Why are you dating a 19 yr old in another country than in your own. How does that work? Maybe she figured out that is isn't a normal relationship and wants more.

Try to find a woman in your own age bracket and in your own country - might make communication a bit easier than being on your "girlfriend"'s block list
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Dude - you're 29 and you don't know what 19 yr old girls do when they are drunk?!?! LET IT GO AND FIND A REAL WOMAN

Answer 4

10 yr age difference is a lot.
19 yr old can't be as serious about a relationship as a 29 yr old.. let alone an internet relationship.

Answer 5

i think of you in basic terms might desire to stop with each and all of the emails and contact calls and stop asking all his buddy what hes doing as i take it they may well be tell him which you have been asking approximately him .start up going out with a number of your individuals from the place you reside . you will advantageous some one whilst the time is powerful your nonetheless youthful bypass out and characteristic exciting ... good success

Answer 6

Maybe she had a boyfriend all along, and when she thought it was getting to hot and heavy, she decided to cool it..even though maybe she didn't want too...and for all of those people who are so mean about it,...wait till it happens to you and you come here and try to get some opinions...sheesh..

Answer 7

wow! holy **** wow! what a complete loser! Dude, your ten years her senior living in a different country and you've only chatted on the internet. Does this not sound pathetic to you? You sound like some serial killer.

Answer 8

I know this is complex, but...

You could ask. Or even better, you could realize she is 10 years younger than you are, and move on in your life.

Answer 9

Maybe she found someone she can actually see and touch why not ask her where your relationship stands?
when I get drunk I get giggly lol

Answer 10

She is bored with you and has moved on to someone much more exciting, and who lives closer to her. He is providing for her needs like you will never be able to do.