I had a very abusive childhood?

Question

and then equally abusive relationship with my in-laws. My self-esteem and self-worth has always been down. My parents always told me that I deserved to be all alone and that no one would give a care about me. My mother said to me a million times when I was growing up that she wished I would die.

I am 31 now, and hate myself to death. My husband is great and very supportive, but I cannot pull myself from depression. I have emotionally shut the world out. Even my husband. Pls. tell me how I can help myself besides counselling.

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement.

I have found more help from strangers in my life than family. And today I found help again. Thank you so much.

I WILL GET OUT OF THIS MESS!!!

Answer 1

Aside from counseling, you need to really think to yourself that your are a beautiful person inside and out. The people who had hurt you in the past, don't matter to you know. You are obvious something special if a man married you and is supportive of you. I know it's hard, but let go of the past, you know who you are and you know deep inside that you are important. God bless you.

Answer 2

The first thing that comes to mind, is that you apparently don't have any children. This is probably a good thing, if it's true. Children sense more than adults think. You may need to consider a productive hobby, one that will take your mind off your depression. Another approach is a pet. My preference is a small dog. I have Miniature Schnauzers, a Toy Poodle, a Miniature Poodle, and a Miniature Grey Hound. People think I am crazy for having so many dogs, and maybe I am. However, after my wife's death, (at an early age, a car accident), I had no reason to go on. Counseling didn't work. I had a that time 2 Miniature Schnauzers, and a Miniature Grey Hound. They sensed I was hurting, and only wanted to give me love. They asked nothing in return. I found I could take myself out of my depression by concentrating on them.
Open up to your husband. Tell him how you feel. My wife was not only that, (my wife), but she was my best friend!!!

Answer 3

I'm no counselor, but I will tell you this, you are worth so much, and i'm very sure your a wonderful person despite what was said to you in the past. Please know that you did nothing wrong your parents had insecurities and problems of their own that they took out on you. When other people are unhappy they will pull you in and make you feel like your the problem. They only do this because they don't want to face their own problems and admit to them. I know none of what was said can be taken back, but you don't have to live in the past. You are still allowing yourself to live in the past right now. Sometimes people can say things to us long enough that we believe them. I personally have been in an abusive relationship and I know how it feels to be abused emotionally. I took it for two years, but finally seen the light of day. Let it go my dear and leave it behind. You are special and you deserve happiness. Don't waste the rest of your life being depressed and unhappy because of their words, I know they were harsh words, but you don't have to believe any of it. Start telling yourself that you are wonderful and special. Your not the problem here they are. You will never be able to live in the present or have a future if you keep yourself locked in the past. I sincerely hope that your life will turn around for you. I don't know you but I know your probably a great person. See, there is one person right here in the world that has something very nice to say about you. I can always be a friend to you if you ever need to talk or need advice. My email is [e-mail]. Take care and I wish you the best.

Answer 4

I too am a victim of abuse.I was abused in every way until I hit the age 18.Since then I was diagnosed with Post Tramautic Stress Disorder and Panic Disorder.
Sweetheart, I too have a wonderful supportive husband.But I placed an unfair burden on him by not going to therapy.And by doing that,I set a bar to high for even him to achieve.He became the source of my happiness and when he fell short of that my world was shattered.
I have tried "therapy" and to be honest.. I had some misguided but well intend therapists giving me the wrong advice.You may have to try a few before you find one you like, but rest assured it will be very beneficial.Now, there is always that stigma attached to mental health related medication therapies.We see them everyday on TV ,Work,etc.But there are medications out there that have literally saved peoples lifes, I am one of those people.Please talk to your family doc and see if this would be a good course of action for you.Sweetheart,I have been where you are.I know you think you are the only person in the the world going thru this and nobody can possibly understand how you feel,please understand that I do.
If you have no insurance I would be more than glad to help you find help in your area.Or just call your local health and human services agency and they will point you in the right direction.
You cant let the people who hurt you win!! You are a survivor.You cant go down without a fight.Please do this for yourself and if not do it for your husband.You are not the only one suffering from the isolation of this terrible depression you suffer from.He loves you and wants nothing more for you than your own happiness.
I would also suggest the church.The church has been a great source of strength for me.I have met several women healed from our problem completly.There is a great website I go to from time to time and these women have been on similiar paths as us its www.womenoffaith.com.
God has started a good work in you and he will see it through.God bless you, your in my thoughts and prayers.Please feel free to email me if you need anything.Even if its just to vent.

Answer 5

You're mother was a bi*ch to say the least. She obviously had issues she decided to take out on you. The question is do you want to have the same issues and end up taking it out on people you care about?
I had some issues with my father, ect, ect. You CAN get thru this. I'm the same age as you and finally feel normal again. I didn't go to counselling either, but I sometimes think it would have been easier on me if I had.
you have to start listening to your husband and realize what a great person you are and can be. Get on medication if you have too, because we only get one chance on this earth and we have to make the best of it. Feeling like shi* all the time is not fun!
I hope everything works out for you, and remember to stay the hell away from negative people that make you feel bad about yourself. Remember, misery loves company so stay away from them.
much love :)

Answer 6

don't live in the past ..stand up for yourself. don't let people's words rule you i grew up in a very abusive home everywhere i went i abuse i Had on safe place to go . all the abuse has put problems in my adult life being told i would never amount to nothing almost ruled my life . all the medication for depression liked to kill me . than i got counseling . found a support group for abused childhood. found a church there i learned how to love me and that i was somebody i was a child of god . it gives you peace. now I'm 30 and married with 2 children my family will never know the pain I've had . stop thinking about it make your husband stand up for you . also look back at all the pain you have went through. YOU made IT THROUGH IT. you are a strong person . life is what YOU make it not what everyone thinks of you . the lord will take care of it but you have to give it to him . you will b OK I'll keep you in my prayers. good luck

Answer 7

I can understand you blaming your family for your problems when you were a teenager and in your twenties, however now that you are in your third decade of life you must be aware that the problem is not with you but with your family. You can't go on forever blaming them for your low self esteem. Take some psych classes or read some good books about human behavior and I believe you will be able to make logic of your terrible childhood. Then dump all the emotionally messed up people in your life, keep all the good ones and get on with your wonderful life.

Answer 8

I'm sorry there is no other way then to see your doctor and get on some meds. I come from a similar background and I thought I could deal with it for years until one day I freaked. It was a breakdown big time. I went to my doctor and she put me on meds for a while then I was able to see life is not so bad. Now I don't take meds very often only on really bad days and I feel super. You already have a better life then most people because you have a husband that loves you. Just remember that you are a wonder full lady and what your family has done to you is not your fault but there fault because they are horrible people. I know that its hard to remove your self from your family and what they have done to you. But just take a pause in your life and morn them and move on.

Answer 9

well first of all, get up and get out, you are a person with feelings, you need to express those feeling in a constructive way, so goto a gym hit the bag work the weights,
as for your very un-suppportive parents, shut the door on them and leave them out of your life, you will do alot better with-out them.
the in-laws can be somewhat of a trick to work since you have your caring, loving and supportive hubby, maybe he should have a chat with his mom and dad about it,
now remember when things are down and your sad, take a walk and look around at the little things like flowers trees birds, kids laughing and playing even visit a museum and you should start to feel better, maybe even a slight smile will come to you

Answer 10

look put all that behind you know. Because you proved them wrong and you wanna know because you do have somebody that cares about you- like you said you have a husband and he's GREAT!! And don't have your self b/cuz of what they said people are going to talk about people all there life. But you are 31 years old and you made it out of there and you might need to go to counselling but there is always somebody else that can answer your question and do something about it and dats GOD! aND I AM 16 YEARS OLD AND I GAVE YOU SOME ADVICE AND I HOPE YOU TAKE. bUT PUT ALL THAT BEHIND YOU AND DON'T LET THAT BRING YOU DOWN BECAUSE IT AIN'T WORTH IT. tHE LORD ABOVE WILL ANSWER ALL UR QUESTIONS TAKE IT TO HIM!!!! A KEEP UR HEAD UP AND GOD 1ST

Answer 11

Psh, who cares about the stupid inlaws? they're only there to make your life horrible! And it's great you have a supportive husband! Tell him your problems. That's why he's there. You're 31 now, and your parents don't have any control over your life. Sorry if this offends you, but I think your mother is not mentally stable, because that is not how you treat your child. Talk to your husband.