Is my boyfriend really being a jerk, or is it just me?

Question

I am a single parent with 2 kids. My boyfriend has no kids or been married, & has had no other real relationships. He said he might go to a friend's surprise birthday dinner which was over 3 hours away. The day of the party, I was really having a tough time with my kids, and getting them ready for school and stuff. I spoke with him on the phone around lunch time and he still wasn't sure if he was going. I ended up totally balling on the phone to him. I was so upset I could barely breathe. He told me it was going to be okay and that he was going to head out for the party (he wasn't sure about going as recently as the beginning of our conversation). That was it. He said I should have planned my time better and that it was my own fault I was in this predicament. BTW-he's going to Vegas (this weekend)to celebrate this same friends b-day (so it wasn't like he couldn't have still seen him if he didn't go). He says I am wrong for expecting him to be stay home & help me out.

I do work full-time. So does he. We do not live together. We have been together almost a year. My kids are 15 and 6. Their father is not helpful and I have no family nearby to help me out.

This past weekend we went away together (the reason I wasn't prepared for the kids starting school). On this trip he said he wanted a more "permanent" relationship and promised to be better about being there for me.

Answer 1

you are.. he is just your bf.. you are those kids mom.. i hate to burt your bubble... but you depend on ANY Bf to stay home and help you out with your KIDS.. he doesn' know what it takes to be a parent and you shouldn't get mad at him for him.... on the other hand... if you know how you want to be treated and want some on who IS willing to stay home with you intead of going to a party... then you need to dump this looser and go find someone else... YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE ANY ONE BS!! YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF TREATMENT YOU WANT FROM A MEN... EXPECT NO LESS... GET NO LESS... no one else is going to look out for you and your kids... so be tough.. hang in there... and dump him!!

Answer 2

I think your emotional meltdown on the phone scared him into going to the surprise birthday dinner rather than dealing with the alternative (which at the time probably appeared to be a hysterical girlfriend and her out of control kids, lol). However, if he were a respectful, caring, loving boyfriend who accepts you as a single parent, and your kids, he should have been there for you!! Especially if there was another opportunity to celebrate his friend's birthday. To me, he sounds immature and selffish. If this is the man you are hoping to build a future with, heed this incident as a warning sign. I'm not saying he's a bad person and there's no hope. Maybe it was as simple as making a bad decision in a moment of immaturity or selfishness. I'd cut him a breakl this time, however, I would keep my eyes and ears open for more clues into his personality and where a potential relationship with this person could end up for you and your kids. Good Luck.

Answer 3

He doesn't have the same responsibilities that you do. Like you have stated, he has no children and never has been married or had other "real" relationships. All of these things should be a red flag to you b/c it sounds like you want to be involved with someone who understands these life matters. He is not going to truly understand why you need help or why you're so emotional about his leaving. I don't think he's being a jerk. He's being who he is which is a result of his life experience. I don't know how much you have vested in this. But I would suggest that you do a self inventory and evaluate what you are really looking for in someone you want to share your life and family with.

Answer 4

Its a lot of info to take in.... and hard to answer from one side of the story...

It may have been a good idea to mention how old you are... and how old your boyfriend is.

Also... how old are the kids...????

I can see this being a very difficult time for you but focus more on the kids. If your boyfriend was more understnading he would help the best he could... but remember, he isnt the father and isnt really his responsibility to stay home -- depending on how long you have been seeing him.

However, if he was a decent boyfriend... he could make more of an effort to help out... and it sounds like he may be a bit immature to understanding children and looking after them.... (a guess).

Despite the amount you wrote to explain your situation... there is, to be honest, not enough information to help you fully with an answer.

Dont let this situation get to you for now... and may be best to talk to him in a mature manner. If he still is a jerk... then you may be better off without him. Your children are more important and if your boyfriend wants to be part of your life... then he is part of your home and your children!!!

Remember, this is the answer from your scenario.... there could be more to it that we dont know about.

All the best and good luck!!!!

Answer 5

He's not being a jerk and neither are you. You have mismatched expectations. He's not signed up to supporting you in your child-rearing. You're assuming he should because you are in a relationship. Time to sit down and get expectations and objectives up on the table. If you're looking for a mate to share the load with your two kids from a previous relationship you may as well be clear about it instead of getting upset when someone who hasn't agreed to that doesn't come across with support. Once you're with someone that understands that is what you want and has agreed to it, then you can make an issue for failure to meet expectations.

Answer 6

Yeah, it's just you. There is no way you can expect him to stay and help you out. Hey, I'm a single DAD with 2 kids, I know. But to expect just a bf to help out is [probably too much for him. I don't know what the situation is with the father, but you need to either have the father, or some family members help out, because there is no way this relationship will last. My advice is to either date someone that has a kid, or at least someone who has a little more "life experience".

Answer 7

I dont think that he was wrong for going to a planned event.
I do understand how hurtful it can be when the boyfriend is going to party without you.
This sounds like that you need to decide what kind of man will make you happy. Even w/O kids it's hard to date a party guy if you want to stay in and snuggle.
I used to be a huge party girl.
I am more mellow now, and have a mellow guy, and it suits me that way now. Maybe thats what you need.

Answer 8

well, what to say? He did wrong, and you did wrong. But, you have had a hard day with the kids, and he should handled that way better, so I will give you some right in him being a jerk. Then again, friends are important, but not more important than you of course, difficult, now make up, and explain the green horn how kids can be
.

peace and love from Norway!

Answer 9

Yes if you knew that he was never the stay-at-home type from the beginning. If family is not the priority for your man, then there is definitely little chance for you to change him. Crying definitely won't help. Pull yourself together, for yourself and your children, find some strength from within, and do what you need to do with or without that man. You deserve better, and crying won't get it. If he's telling you that you should not expect him to stay at home, you should listen and evaluate how he fits into the home you're trying to maintain for your family.

Answer 10

He is a jerk!!!!! The least he could have done was to stay with you and deal with the situation at home. He obviously thinks he is single and has no responsibilities. He is out of order to think that you could have planed your time better. Maybe if he was there to help it would have been easier to deal with the kids.

Answer 11

Why do you women expect your current boyfriend or live-in to take responsibility for someone else's kids? These are you children not his........Yea, yea, they come with the package, but if he wants to go to LV, and you can't because you have kids, why is that his fault?

Are you looking for a father figure for your children, then make that part of the agreement when you meet someone. But don't just expect it to happen because you want it too.