How can i tell if my husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Question

he will place blame for everything: i act this way to you because you did this. i did this because you did that
you drag me down, i was better off single, you are the reason your kids are screwed up (they are fine, just not in his eyes) you name it it is my fault. i have turned everyone against him, even his family
everyone and comes before me, meaning i am not at home with him even though we may not speak all day as long as i am there he knows i am no where else
he is constanly accusing me of having an affair-I'm not i have enough trouble with him.
he says if i leave him he will make sure i have nothing because i will never be able to make it and he will excel
he will go broke making sure i have nothing
if i leave he will close his business and our emplyee's will not have a job and that will be on my head.
when he talks to people he is so fake, his laugh is forced
he is so nice to strangers and to certain freinds he has
are these NPD things or just a really mean person

Answer 1

Has your diagnosis of his problem come with the help of a psychiatrist? If not, please enlist the help of a therapist for him and for you, or for you alone if he won't go.

If his personality and behavior have changed since you have known him, then it's likely that he really does have some sort of mental disorder.
Here's the basics of the NPD to use as a talking point:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652

I note that under the heading "seeking medical advice" the writers observe that it is unlikely that you will be able to convince the person to seek diagnosis and treatment. From your comments, I think you might agree with that observation.

Treatment options as described in this article include long-term psychotherapy (individual and group or family) and, rarely, drugs to treat underlying conditions such as depression or bi-polar disorder.

It seems to me that you must make every effort to get him into treatment. If that is unsuccessful, you must keep your children's and your interests uppermost. Your children need a stable home where they are not emotionally abused. They need you to give them that. You have some difficult decisions to make.

Answer 2

Ok ignore the first comment. I would recommend seeing a professional and asking for advice. Whether your husband goes with you or not you can do a lot of things to help your situation by seeing a counselor or someone who can help sort this out with you. Even if we know the symptoms for NPD we are not clinicians and every case is different. Things are really difficult I can tell, but do as much as you can to change whats going on on your end...because unfortunately we can't change other people, they have to want to change themselves and work at it. If you see a professional and express these feelings to them they will still not be able to diagnose your husband without meeting him and running some tests...so, take a breath- tell yourself that you can only control your actions and that these proposed faults are irrational, and seek outside help. Honestly, if anyone tells you yes or no he does/not have this...I would only trust a professional and what will it help if you have someone validate that for you? You will still have a man behaving the way he does and no change in your situation...I hope you are able to find some resources and alternatives to the way things are going now. Take care.

Answer 3

What you've described here could be any number of things. My ex displayed a lot of these behaviors and I considered the same dx... come to find out... he was bipolar as well as Asperger Autism.

And mean. No doubt about it... he was mean.

The only way to determine a clear diagnosis would be to have him evaluated by a professional (psychiatrist or PhD psychologist)

Keep in mind that even if you determine that he has a personality disorder, that's not going to stop this behavior. Even the most intensive psychotherapy for years on end rarely makes a great deal of headway with this sort of personality disorder. Just because you have a label, while it may help you to understand why he is the way he is, it doesn't make his behavior any more acceptable in a relationship.

It's also not healthy for your children. They are living with the damage caused by this behavior in a parent. They could easily wind up with emotional problems of their own because of it. Please get counseling for them and for yourself, whether you stay in this relationship or not. You will all need it to diffuse the effects of his behavior.

Answer 4

I do not know aboutthis specific disorder you are talking about, but thissounds all to familar to my sister EX husband for the very same reasons. DO you tell him he should speak to someone about this? He should seek counseling. If he is unwilling to do this, maybe you can offer to go w/ him to couples counseling. Either way, he needs to stop accusing and threatening you if you are doing nothing wrong. It is abusive toward you and unhealthy. You did not mention children, so i am assuming you do not have any? maybe that is a blessing in disguise. Think of how this could be if there was children involved. He would be threatening to take the kids, etc. So since you are married, this is a situation where you eithr have to fix the problem to fix the marriage. If he is unwilling or unable and you can not live like that, maybe he is not the one for you. Best of luck to you

Answer 5

I would not call it NPD. I would expect a person with that disorder to dress very neatly, look at himself in the mirror often and put himself first.

Your husband sounds like he is just plain-ol' verbally abusive. From what I have heard, it won't get better and may progress to physical abuse. If you are able to get counseling on how to cope with a person with his psychiatric problem, then do so. If not, at least talk to a lawyer without telling him, to see how you can protect your share of your joint assets from any manipulation on his part.

Answer 6

there are several web sites that list information about NPD. I listed one below. You can also go to a bookstore, there are books out there that can help about living with a spouse/family member with NPD. You can also join one of the yahoo groups for family members of people with NPD. The only real way you can tell or get him help is if he is diagnosed by a professional, a psychiatrist or psychologist. But since he is an NPD I know it will be hard to get him there.
It sounds like he might be a little of both. NPD and also mean. My question to you is: WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE?!
get out of that relationshp, quick! You deserve better!

Answer 7

I agree that he's Paranoid Schitzophronic. I know this because my father was just diagnosed with it. He was doing the same things your husband was doing to you. He kept telling my mom that she turned his kids against him. He kept making up these crazy stories about her having affairs. He kept cleaning out the bank accounts. He kept saying she had lots of money hidden in other secret accounts. Don't feel guilty for anything he does, tell him get help, or youll leave him. Then do it if he won't.

Answer 8

I am sorry, but my exhusband has narcissistic personality disorder. We were actually married 17 years, together for about 12 of those. I can tell you it will only get worse as he gets older. The impact on the children is horrible! I am still trying to work with my 15 former "daddy's girl" and help her understand why daddy doesn't want to see her. PLEASE PLEASE consider the impact this is having on the children!

Answer 9

I cannot tell you if he has NPD, but it sounds like this guy is NOT very nice to you. None of those things that you describe are YOUR fault. YOU can never cause someone to act a certain way, THEY have to make that choice on their own. NEVER let someone tell you that YOU are the cause of their problems. You dont deserve that. Try to talk to him and let him know how you feel. I would not force people into therapy because if they dont want to be there, nothing will change. Not even a therapist can get you to talk if you dont want to. I know it's hard to leave someone, but you deserve someone who treats you with love and respect, not someone who is mean to you and blames you for HIS actions. Best of luck to you, no matter what you choose.

Answer 10

I'm married to a narcissist and am getting divorced. It's sickening to be with a person who thinks the world revolves around them and blames everyone else for what they do or don't do. I will be glad to be rid of him.