my mother ruined my life and still does things to remind me of how she destroyed my self esteem yet she still?

Question

does'nt care about my feelings, I am planning on not even going to her funeral I hate her so much, how can I turn hate into somthing better for me.

Answer 1

Sit down with her tell her how she is making u feel and tell her how u think about her right now and when she hears that maybe u guys can compromise and try to be a little nicer to each other.

Answer 2

Today, you are the person who can improve your life the most. Sure, a good man can improve your life, a better job can, a new friend can. But, NONE of those things can occur unless you are ready to make them happen or to accept them when they do.

Question: Will your hate make it easier for good things to happen in your life? Or, more difficult? You know the answer. Hate will make it more difficult.

There is saying that "the best revenge is living well." Let go of the hate. Turn it into motivation. Motivation to go to school, or to treat people better, or to love your man better, or to love your child better.

Remember, every day, how you were treated and use that to treat the people around you like want to be treated. You can get from others what you didn't get from your mother by giving them what you wish you had gotten.

Be Strong. Live Well. Laugh Well.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are an adult now. Only you can decide if you spend time with her or not. The less time you spend with her, the less opportunities for her to continue wounding you.

As for how can you change your feelings ... pray. Talk to God. Tell Him you don't want to feel this way about your mother. That you want to change. Pray for yourself and for her. Although there is absolutely no excuse for the way she has treated you, she may have had a miserable childhood herself. Learn from your mom's parenting mistakes and don't repeat them. If you find yourself repeating them with your children, get help! Break the cycle! When you do see you mother, love her. Even if she's cruel, "kill her with kindness." Limit your time with her. And if she just won't stop, get up and leave.

My grandmother was awful to my mother. Gram died at the age of 98. Until her mind went a few years earlier she was miserable to my mom. My mom still struggles with feelings of inadequacy and Gram's been gone for over 6 years and mom is now 86. She did a much better job of parenting than Gram did. Thank God!

I pray that your mother's heart will soften and she will give you the love you deserve. God bless you, dear one.

Answer 4

I am so sorry, I can feel your pain. It can take time but to turn hatred into something better you are going to have to forgive your mother eventually and let what she has done go. Hate can consume you and I can tell by your message that you have a lot of pain and bitterness toward your mother. I had some recentment toward my father and I was very angry with him for a very long time for mistreating me when I was a kid. It has been many years but I finally let it go. I don't carry any of that useless baggage around with me anymore. I have forgiven my father and I am a much happier person for it. Your mother has control over you as long as you hold on to your past. Free yourself and let her go. Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 5

Well, this is the strange thing about life: we can change our minds. Your mother will probably always be a bitter, self-centered old woman. But there isn't much you can do about it but accept her for who she is. Whenever she steps out of line you have the right to politely end the conversation. You simply tell her that it time for you to go. Don't get into an argument. Just say goodbye. She'll eventually get it. Mine did!

Answer 6

You know what? You remind me of me! I had a horrible childhood because of the belittling done to me by my mother, then my older sister. In retrospect I realized that it was jealousy behind it . I decided that I was going to a college far away and pay for it myself, then move away and only see/talk to her when I wanted to. And I did just that. I hope you have done/are doing the same. In the meantime, turn that hate into something better by volunteering with those less fortunate, such as with Big Brother/Big Sister, or with your local convalescent home. Good luck.

Answer 7

I don't know what happened between you and your mother, and to be hoenst with you, I don't even care because that is family stuff but, I can tell you one though, not to judge you but, you are pretty ungratefull you know. For one, that is mother, she gave you birth, she changed you when you went in your pants, fed you, woke up in the middle of the night feeding you, changing you, took care of you, brought you into his world. it doesn't matter what she said or did to you, it can't be that bad for you to hate her, you mgith not have liked or sill might not but, she is still yoru mother, you did come from her, she did cary you in her for 9 months. Go to her funeral and at least give that much credit and pay a little respect.

Answer 8

In what ways did it better your life? Think about the positive. I had a bad childhood but still communicate with my Dad for my kids sake.

Answer 9

Ha, my mom is just like that. I hate to say it, but I just cut her out of my life. She will not be invited to my wedding or see her grandchildren. She did it to herself by emotionally abusing me growing up. Instead of hating her, just move on with your life without her. Your emotional wounds will be healed in time!

~Sarahybethy

Answer 10

Grow up and realize that you can not blame everyone else for the way you feel. Only you can blame you. You are the one who controls your life.