hug or kiss me without her yelling "My mommy" or trying to push him away. We have another little girl due about a week before she turns two and I know there are more obstacles of jealousy yet to come. Any suggestions on how to help her cope. (Not to mention I can't even get her out of the middle of our bed at night)
2006-08-22 08:04:45 · 26 answers · asked by SAMANTHA M 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It is common to have jelousy issues from a child that age regardless to the father situation. She will only get worse once the baby is born. She will likely regress and stop feeding herself, have huge temper tantrums, try to get in between you and the baby. I see it a lot, especially with a sis-in law of mine with a 2 year old and new baby. She will try your patience like no other in the first year with the new baby, and all you can do is remain calm and level headed. Nurturing the relationship between her and your new beau will be important because he will likely be there to rescue you when you need some time with the new baby. Allow them to have several times alone together, and let them create a bond. When it comes to you being around, she will still likely pick you over him no matter what, but as long as she has a good relaionship with him otherwise, you all should be able to make it through this as a healthy, happy family.
2006-08-22 08:17:46 · answer #1 · answered by Olive Green Eyes 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
FIERCE, how can you say that....any child born is a gift from god. My first daughter was born out of wedlock and she has been my pride and joy along with my other 3 children. I have been happily married to my husband for 9 years ( today) and have never looked down on my daughter because her sperm donor wasnt a real man and couldnt step up to the plate, its not her fault so how dare you say something so cold and hurtful. You obviously dont have any children so therefor your not even qualified to answer this question!
To the original poster, you need to do some tough love, you need to make her get into her own bed and stay, you cant give in, she cant be sleeping in your bed when she is 2 much less 12. When she tries to push away your BF you need to correct her...sounds like you dont practice much discipline with her but its not too late to start...good luck to you. I am sorry for all the wrotten adive your getting, some people need to grow up, if your 10 years old and have never had a child why try to answer these questions ??
2006-08-22 08:19:06 · answer #2 · answered by Tiffany D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's so young it's hard to understand new people in the family. I went through the same thing when my son from previous marriage - when I was pregnant he was already 3, but he had a hard time adjusting while he was 2 to my fiance. You just have to keep reassuring her, make sure you tell her how much you love her. Make sure to keep doing things just you and her, one on one so she gets her quality time with mommy. Also, have family time where she is involved with the two of you guys. B/c if she feels special and part of the family, she won't be so jealous.
And when baby comes, involve her into chores around the house, make her feel important and needed. Even though it will be more work for you than helping, but have her help you fold towels, or throw away a dirty diaper. Let her help/watch give baby a bath. Keep her busy.
2006-08-22 08:39:11 · answer #3 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just talk to her about it, and tell her she can help out big time with the baby. also, tell her your new hubby loves you and her and get them to spend some time together doing anything she would like. she is just 2 so she will be easily swayed by that. also, when he hugs and kisses you, have him include her in that hug and kiss - a family hug, and have her rub your tummy, kiss it and feel the baby move. she will love it. I had my daughter 4 1/2 months ago. although i don't have any other children, my little nephew loved my belly and now he loves the baby, it's really cute to see.
try those things. if all else fails, beat her. LOL
2006-08-22 08:14:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
always reassure your daughter that your BF or the new baby are NOT going to take you away from her. Instead that you will all become a new and better family (with more people) and that you'll all have each other.
The problem you have about her sleeping in your bed is a seperate issue. You allowed that BAD habit to form so now you MUST break it. It takes Tough Love but be strong, you can handle it.
Good Luck
2006-08-22 11:33:33 · answer #5 · answered by Julie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest to have her and the boyfriend spend some time together doing activities, also, make sure you make some special time with just her and you. Try to explain to her that yes you're her mommy and you'll always love her no matter what happens or who comes into your life. Keep reassuring her of that.
Get her out of the bed, that's a big no no. That is an EXTREMELY hard habit to break, as I had to help my roommate break her daughter from sleeping with her (she was around the same age as you). Make sure you have a night light in her room, read/sing/cuddle with her in HER bed or in her room until she falls asleep.
As for coping with a new baby, explain to her that she's going to have a little sister to help mommy take care of and whom she can teach new things. Get her a doll to practice with and make the entire occassion seem like a special thing for your daughter.
My friend (the now, ex-roommate) is pregnant with her second child and she's had all the problems that you're describing. So I'm giving you advice that I've seen work first hand.
*Be sure to have PLENTY of mommy and me time.
*Explain to her that no matter who is around and who gives mommy hugs and kisses, she and her sister will ALWAYS be number one
*Set up little things for your daughter and boyfriend to do together, even if it's just watching television together or going outside to water the yard or playing. That is very important.
*Have your boyfriend active in her social situation so he doesn't seem like an intruder to her.
*Get her sleeping in her own room. Try telling her she's a big girl now and big girls sleep in their own beds. Read/sing/snuggle with her until she falls asleep. If she gets up, take her back to her bed right away. There will be crying, lots of it. But you just have to stick it out. In the end it'll be worth it and it will work.
Good luck.
2006-08-22 08:23:33 · answer #6 · answered by BadWolf 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well,i understand that this is quite difficult.Is she aware there is going to be another baby? I understand that at two you really cant explain too much to her but make her aware that there is a baby in mommys tummy.Explain to her that reguardless of who comes into your life and hers you are always going to love her.That she can talk to you about anything that may arise.Also,include her in things such as,going to the store and letting her pick out something for the baby.When it is you and him,include her in the activities you do.There are times you two are going to want to spend alone,but sometimes you should include her.Let her pick something to do say one weekend a month or two even. Dont spoil her,just let her understand that you havent forgotten about her even tho you have a new man in your life and a new baby coming soon.Have him include her in things he does,even tho he isnt her biological father he can still do activities with her,with you with them if you would feel more comfortable.If he doesnt include her in a way she is going to feel as if he has taken her place in your life.Just make sure she doesnt feel left out.You have to realise this is hard for her.Shes used to having you all to herself and now shes sharing you with one soon to be two other people.Even tho she is quite young,she still has that feeling.Jealousy often comes with it.Once the baby is born do things as a family,all together.Include her.There are these "Build a bear Workshops" and you can go there to build stuff bears.Take her and let her make one for the baby from Just her.Instead of experiencing this between you and your boyfriend,include her and make it a family event.It is hard raising that one that small and trying to explain things just sort of say things and explain them in terms that she would understand.She understands more than you probably think.That is my advice just include her in everything,because she is feeling left out is what it sounds like.Also,about the bed thing,explain to her that she has her own room the "big girl" room. Be persistent,you have to be because im sure she is also.I understand when she cries for you that you feel bad but you cant,because if it keeps up she will be 10 years old and sleeping between you and your boyfriend.Then again the new baby gets older,she will see the example her big sister put out and she will want to do the same thing.Good luck!and congratulations on the new baby girl!
2006-08-22 08:19:42 · answer #7 · answered by ~♡~Moon Goddess~♡~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok this is a tough one. sounds like she is afraid he will take you away from her. You should make a regular time where she gets to spend time alone with you, so she can learn there is time I get with mommy, and there is time for mommy to have with her boyfriend.
Another thing to remember is YOU are the parent, though you dont want to hurt her, you need to set your rules and stick to them. She needs to understand what things you will accept, and what things you will not condone, and that can only happen if you get a little firm with her.
As long as you are sure to make time for her, and display these new additions to her life as something good for her, she should be able to adjust just fine.
What I mean by "display these new additions to her life as something good for her" is, for example, instead of saying "Mommy is having a new baby" try saying "You're going to be a big sister!!" and "Mommy will need your help when the baby comes, can you be mommy's #1 helper?"
Try to be positive, but don't be afraid to be firm when needed.
2006-08-22 08:17:52 · answer #8 · answered by Debilee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Include her as much as possible!! make her feel special!!! She has been through alot!!!!She is so young it is all to hard for her to undrestand. make sure you get some mommy/daughter time.keep telling her you love her make her feel safe. it is very important to settle the bed issue.That nanny show has some great advice on the whole bedtime issuses!!! Good luck and give your daughter a hug!!
2006-08-22 08:18:13 · answer #9 · answered by hillbilly wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be the parent and put your foot down. Don't stop hugging or kissing just because she tells you to stop or yells "My mommy". That gives her control. And you need to get her out of your bed at night. She's going to cry, but she has to get used to it. Don't let her control you! You're the mommy, not her! Beleive me, if you get her out of it now, you'll be happy you did it later.
2006-08-22 08:16:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋