My 8 year old has a horrible attitude towards her older sister and I. Her father and I are divorced and she treats him perfectly. Don't get me wrong, she can be sweet and loving to me however, her sassiness is out of control. She speaks to me the way a rebel like teenager would their parents. I have taken things, kept her from doing activities, ect. and this works for a temporary situation but it always spins back to the same attitude. When it comes to her sister (who is 11) she is nasty all the time with her and when things dont go her way, she gets physical. I am at my wits end and do not know what to do. Her father is not any help because he never sees it but I know if I don't get control now, I will really have trouble on my hands in a few years...
2006-08-22 07:52:56 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Of course she acts great around dad, more than likely he is the good time parent and there is no real discipline at his home - but that isn't where the problem lays. She also has figured out that she can use her dad as leverage against you.
Mom, you aren't consistent in your punishment. You are allowing your 8 year old to control the situation. You probaby threaten to do something, but then don't follow through every time - and she knows it, and usues it to her advantage.
Your daughter needs to have a clear understanding that if she does "X" then "Y" is going to happen, without question. It is PERFECTLY OKAY for it to seem like hellfire is about to rain down on her if she continues the way she is going.
If you dole out a punishment, such as taking something away, and she acts up again, then that item goes away PERMANENTLY. Does she have a tv in her room? Sell it on e-bay. Specifically write in the ad that it is going to the highest bidder due to an unruly child.
Your 8 year old has to EARN her activities, & her toys with good behavior. They aren't things she is entitiled to.
The other thing is to start having her do some serious chore punishment, especially when she talks badly to you. If she is going to have a potty mouth, then she should be cleaning the toilet, and the floor around it. Got **** on the bottom of the refridgerator, there's a job for her.
If she treats her sister badly, then for a week she has to do things for her sister, like laundry, or clearing her dishes...even if you have a dishwasher make her wash them by hand.
Mom, the point is you have to take back control. You may have to be a drill seargent for a while to do it, and it is going to hurt your heart and she may hate you for a while...but the behavior will change when she finds out you are no longer going to put up with it.
Your home. Your rules. PERIOD.
2006-08-22 08:11:21 · answer #1 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is really difficult to deal with I know cause my little sister was the same why. I watch a lot of talk shows and they all say instead of yelling talk very stern and Tell the child what to do if she doesnt listen put her in a nother room for time out. If she gets up bring her back in and repeat for a certain amount of tim. I saw that on the nanny. You should try and watch the show they have great parenting tips on how to handle braty kids(not saying your child is braty but kids dont listen) This show has helped me a lot. It is on fox. I am not sure what days I think it is on tonight. Like u said it is better to deal with it now cause you know it will get worse.Good luck sister! I can tell u are a great mother and you take care of your children I admire that. And also know that the way she behaves has nothing to do with you...
2006-08-22 08:05:22 · answer #2 · answered by alwaysperfec237 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It amazes me how parents just don't slap the p*ss out of their kids these days when they need it ! Seriously!
I used to get a knuckle sandwich when I needed it back in the day.
I'm not talking about REALLY beating an 8 year old child.Child abuse is inexcusable! But it may behoove you to tell her (next time she starts acting up!) that her behavior will no longer be tolerated.....inform her that "IT'S A NEW DAY,BABY!" Get some fire in your eyes when you do this,make your voice shake the rafters (without screeching!)! Let her know what's about to happen if she doesn't reign herself in right away! RIGHT AWAY!
Give her 2 chances.....just 2! If she still wants to act a fool then haul off and smack her dead in her mouth! Even if it's in front of company,or out in public.
Now be strong!....she's probably going to put on a show now. Tell her you don't want to hear it,and that she needs to take that noise to her room! "RIGHT NOW!! GO!!! And don't come back out until you remember how to act!!! " Stick to your guns! She's testing you. If you break first then this pattern will just repeat it's self. You may have better things to do with your time,but an 8 year old does not! So the sooner you bring her around the better!
Get drill sergeant on her lil' behind!
Hopefully this is something you'll only have to do once or twice.If you do it right the first time you should only have to raise your voice to get the desired effect!
A child needs to understand that there are consequences for certain behaviors.Those that don't learn this lesson early enough end up incarcerated,pregnant,hooked on drugs,dead,etc.
I come from a large and loving extended family.We ALL (cousins,aunts,uncles) got this treatment,and more than a few of us are successful,productive members of society who still love our elders!
2006-08-22 08:25:15 · answer #3 · answered by Danny 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here's what i would try: This weekend, wake her up to breakfast in bed. Why? Because you love her and want her to know she's cared for. You care about her and you care about you. (segway into point...) You had an ah-ha moment as you reflected on all the negativity in the house between family members. Instead of being mad for the mean things she says, you're just going to take care of yourslef and insist she sit out ("naughty corner") when she feels compelled to spit her venom. Tell her you love her too much to not stop her from these behaviors and realize she's not happy with herself behaving like this. So from now on: mean =naughty chair. Ignore her completely! (This is so, so, so hard...) Prepare the older daughter. Instruct her to stay away completely on the first few days on this system. (Wouldn't want her instigating the younger one with a face, imagined or real). Time out should be 1 minute per year in age. Set timer, have her apologize, and invite her back into the mix. I re-set the timer calmly and quietly each time I have to put them back if they get up and run. The message you want to send is: This does not and will not work for this family. Of course, the same rule should apply to the older sibling, as well. Monitor how often you yourself let put-downs slip out under the stress of doing everything and dealing with kids. Give yourself time-outs, follow with an apology, too.
I want to also add...are you 100% certain there is not any sexual abuse going on? Always important, though painful, to think about.
Final point: Kids will only repeat behaviors that somehow work for them. What is her goal? (Whether she can articulate this or not...) What does this child ultimately get from engaging in these bahaviors? Attention? Time?
Have a date once a month or more purely dedicated to you and her connecting alone. Have a cookie/tea party, go grab ice cream together...
2006-08-22 08:14:36 · answer #4 · answered by sunday siren 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My 9 year old Step-daughter is the same way!!! She can pop such an attitude toward me and her father! My hubby (her father) has full custody of her and her bio-mom is a piece of work...never see my SD or calls. So, we consequently have to deal with my SD's attitude and fits and screaming and ugly names. She can be wonderful but turns mean when things don't go her way. So, I think that I have an idea of what you are going thru.
I'm not sure what to do with my SD anymore (she has lived with us for 3 years now) Nothing works...nothing at all! And we feel bad that she has to miss out on somethings that other kids get to do...but we have to control her somehow!!
I would suggest to get a therapist to speak with your daughter...maybe she is angry about something...and it can be worked out?? You never know!
(in my SD's case, she has a personality disorder...thanks to the way she was treated by her bio-mom when she was in the developmental years as a young child. She learned that it was ok to pop attitude and throw fits and scream and argue when you don't get your way or someone gets onto you...so we have to keep just trying with her! She gets grounded when she throws a screaming fit!!)
With my SD when she starts to pop attitude she gets to write lines about respect and how to treat others...it kinda helps!
Best of luck!
2006-08-22 08:53:22 · answer #5 · answered by itsjustme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My nephew is now 10 and has been the same way since about 8. Same situation, divorced parents, etc. WE still haven't figured out any definite answers but lately my sister has set up a "plan and consequences" list. If he does A (backtalking, for example) then he goes to his room for 5 minutes. When he comes out, if he starts again, its back to the room for 5 minutes. Same thing with his chores. If he doesn't do it, then there is another punishment (no TV until done, etc) And as hard as it is, once the time (punishment) is served, nobody can bring it up again. It just starts all over. It's started working with him, but you have to be consistent and that's hard with working and another child and grocery shopping, etc. Try to develop a plan and stick with it though. Good luck!
2006-08-22 08:04:59 · answer #6 · answered by missionhtg 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hello: I am facing the same thing with my 11 year old girl. Just last night we had a confrontation. I think sitting down and having a heart to heart and respecting your daughter thoughts and feelings could be a great start. That's what I try to do. It is hard for children these days they are expected to grow up so early in life and take on responsibilities that they shouldn't have to. Being from a broken family is never easy I am from one and have married into one. It puts a strain on relationships. Hope this helps a bit.
2006-08-22 08:05:50 · answer #7 · answered by Harley Moma 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you will have to be really patient with her.try and not get angry with her.if she wants things that might not be right,reason with her and tell her why it cannot be done and do it while you are calm.do not try and give her advices all the time cause this might lead her to lose her temper further leading her to do and say things or make mistakes which might affect her later in life.just protect her by making decisions about where she should study, about what kind of ppl she should stay away from,etc etc and apply them when the right time comes.
about her sister,youhave to be careful in not supporting either of them when they are quarreling.she is very young and might not understand your's and her sisters love for her but keep doing things for her to make her happy..i don't mean materially.when she gets a lil' older she will realise this and will surely mend her ways :) Goodluck!
2006-08-22 08:10:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe in beating children so I think what you are doing by punishing her is right. Something is evidently hurting her and this is her reaction, if she was fine before it's probably the divorce itself.
You have to be firm and strict with her, don't let her win because you feel bad, but give her lots of love too, love can work wonders.
You should consider a child psychologist too, she needs to come to terms with what's hurting her.
2006-08-22 08:07:43 · answer #9 · answered by Auntie Alex 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My son went thru a period like that. He's 12 now, and not too bad. Well, he does have his spells, but most of the time he's ok. As long as you still maintain being the parent, and she does get her privileges taken away etc... you are doing the right thing. (whatever it is you do to punish her I mean.) Well, you get the idea...
Anyway, dont give up hope, it does get better!
2006-08-22 08:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by D'oh! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋