My sister had surgery about 5 months ago?

Question

My sister had surgery 5 months ago on April 5th, it was a brain surgery to remove part of her brain. she can't walk and really can't talk. I am having to help her out, and I do alot to help my parents out. I know its the right thing and my parents tell me every day. But I am about to lose it cause I get so frustrated. What should I do?

I am 13, and my younger sister had surgery 5 months ago on April 5th, it was a brain surgery to remove part of her brain. she can't walk and really can't talk. I am having to help her out, and I do alot to help my parents out. I know its the right thing and my parents tell me every day. But I am about to lose it cause I get so frustrated. What should I do?

Answer 1

Talk to a counselor. I'm sure there are support groups for siblings and family members of physically/mentally challenged people. Google it.

Answer 2

It's really great that you are such a wonderful caregiver. Your sister is so lucky to have your love and help. Since the situation is either a permanent one or a very longterm one, you're going to need some backup and support yourself. Can or does anyone else help her out? Can you take a few days or a week off so you can go somewhere (out of your house) and enjoy a short well-deserved vacation? You are buring out and you need relief.
It reminds me of the situation my closest friend was in with her father before he died. She has to drop her own life for 3 years and fly 5 hours each way to come be with him for weeks out of every month. The younger sister lived nearby and did almost nothing but try to poison her dad's mind against the good daughter. Meanwhile, they had 24 hour in home care given by some sweet and very capable African ladies, who were not registered nurses, but were very helpful. Dear old dad was still an alcoholic to the end and verbally abused everyone. The caregivers typically burned out within 2 weeks, though one lasted for about 6 months. It was incredibly stressful and I was in awe when I saw how well everyone was dealing with it. In the end, they moved him into a nursing home, and it wasn't too bad because he acquired a social life there.
What I am wondering is if you can get her placed in a residential situation or even an outpatient clinic that can help her to regain some of the function she has lost. The brain is very "plastic" and people can be trained to get other parts of their brain to learn to do things again - sometimes even walk or talk. It's worth checking into, because it would make the quality of all of your lives so much better.

Answer 3

Sounds like you need a break! No one can go on doing the kind of help you've been doing for five months without one. Maybe you could ask your parents to help your sister out for a day or so while you go and have fun or just go somewhere and chill. You also have to come up with a plan for your life and do some things on a regular basis that you enjoy and don't have anything to do with your sister or your parents. I understand what it's like to feel obligated to someone in the family. My mom was a psych nurse when I was in high school and one of the patients beat her within an inch of her life. She has permanent inner ear damage and had trouble walking without falling over or getting dizzy. I always let her walk on my arm. She's gone now and my dad is over every afternoon. So I understand how you must feel but if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to do your sister or your parents much good either. You need a balance. Perhaps if you talked to a counselor, they'd be able to point you in the right direction. Good luck!

Answer 4

It is difficult to have a loved one so sick and sometimes harder to care for that person. And it can be frustrating.
Try to continue to have a positive out look on things.
My child developed Juvenille Rhemetory Arthritis at the age of 18 months. She went from 30 lbs to 19 lbs and went from walking to laying down. It was a difficult time and I don't know what I would have done if I had not been a Christian. My being able to pray and bring to mind the Bible verses that I had learned increased my faith a great deal and eventually my daughters Arthritis went into remission.
I will not lie to you and say that it was easy. Many times I had to lay across my childs body while they drew blood and the exercise was so painful to her. There were days when I was frustrated and wondered if things would ever get better and then I would remember the verses and pray.
You need someone who will counsel with you and possibly your family. You need a support group who will be there for you and you need someone who can come in and help when you just need a break.
My prayers are with your family for rest, peace and comfort during this hard time.

Answer 5

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through that. It is so difficult when someone we love has serious health problems. And of course, you should help as much as you can. But you do still need some time for yourself. At this point, before you blow up, you should find a time when you can sit with your parents and talk to them about a schedule, so that you each have some free time just for yourselves. It will do no one any good if you all become burnt out. If there are not other family members or friends that can share the burden, surely there must be some sort of home health care available.

If you feel that you can't speak with your parents about it directly-if you are afraid that they won't listen to you-try to enlist the aid of someone else that you know they respect...maybe an older relative, a family friend or a teacher. Once you make it clear that you WANT to help out, but you need to have time of your own, as well, I'll bet that your parents will start thinking of ways to organize the caregiving so that you all have a balance in your lives.

I know you love your sister, and all of this has probably been terrible for you. It's instinctive for us to do anything we can, but they key is balance. You have to be responsible, but you have to have play time, too. And you shouldn't feel guilty for that.

Take care of yourself.

Answer 6

What are you getting frustrated about? Helping your parents care for your sister?
It's hard on every member of the family when someone has a serious illness. If the long-term prognosis for your sister is hopeful, then this is really something that is worth doing. If it's going to be life-long maintenance, with no hope of improvement, maybe it's time to look at an alternate care facility. This is something you need to discuss with her doctor.
It's a tough call, either way, but good on ya, for helping out. The load is even rougher for your parents, to say nothing of what it must be like for your sister.
Try to give yourself a few breaks -- take time out for some sort of physical activity you enjoy -- it helps releive the tension.

Answer 7

These kinds of things are hard on everyone, and you are a wonderful sibling for helping out. It's ok to feel frustrated. However, don't let it get to the point where you think you'll "lose it."

Tell your parents that you'd like a little break. Maybe they can give you a few hours every night or one day a week where they promise not to ask you to do anything for your sister or anyone else. If you have that "special time" to look forward to, maybe you won't feel so burdened.

Perhaps they can sign you up for some sort of support group for relatives of severely disabled people so that you'll have someone to talk to besides your family. Sometimes you have to be able to express your feelings without worrying about what others will think.

They may be so involved in their own sorrow over the situation that they do not realize how hard this is on you.

Answer 8

Wow, you are a wonderful person for doing what you do, and good things will happen to you because of it. Why don't you try writing your feelings down on paper and getting it out? Maybe there is a way where you can take a vacation and get away for a little while. I'm sure your sister appreciates what you do for her. If nothing else works, maybe you could talk to a counselor about it. Or even think about hiring a nurse that could help out sometimes. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 9

Try to realize that your entire family is going through a rough time. If you're frustrated, try and consider how much more frustrated and unhappy your parents must be. Before you reach a breaking point, however, find a time when your parents can spare you and get out of the house for a couple of hours. Then come back and help out!

Answer 10

You should chat with your family about how you feel. It is normal to feel stressed when taking on a large responsibility. Your family may also be going through something similar on their own. Maybe it is time to look at getting some help to come in once a week or so and giving everyone a day off to de-stress. If looking for a referral try the physical therapist, your primary care physician or the surgeon's office.

It may sound selfish, but you do need to take time for yourself. It is not only normal but healthy. If you don't you may come to resent your sister and your family.

Answer 11

Bless your heart. Thats a great thing you're doing. What you need is a day to yourself once a week. You're 13 so try going to a friends, to the mall-hanging out, or to the movies and out to eat. You'll feel so much better and take care of little sister better if you give yourself some time. Talk to mom and dad and se if thatcould be arranged and Good Luck to all of you.