Does my male co-worker think that the females in the office are supposed to continually help him and buy him lunch, etc. We are a caring group of child welfare case managers and it is our nature to want to help someone who is struggling. But enough is enough. What does he do with his money? Even when he orders lunch with us. If we all are supposed to put in $5.41. He will put in $5.00 and say that is all he has. So, he feels like the .41 is no big deal and he is not paying tax or delivery either? Today, I told him that he would just be hungry and I cancelled his order. Why do I feel bad? He is a grown man.
2006-08-22 06:56:51 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Don't feel bad.Look at the bigger picture.This guy obviously has some control issues and you were completely within your rights to put a stop to his free loading.There's no shame in stopping someone from taking advantage of your good nature.I would also suggest having a talk with him about the situation when you are feeling less guilty.
2006-08-22 07:04:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all... Good for you for canceling his order. It's not right to let anyone male or female take advantage of you... even if it is just .41. You stated that this has happened on numerous occasions.. so it looks like you finally decided to stick up for everyone who has had to deal with this person.
What they are doing to all of you is not right... if you are to split the bill, then everyone should be paying the same amount.. EVERYONE.
I understand why you feel bad. This person is a co-worker. You see them every day & work with them. It's hard to confront someone who you have to deal with. You don't want to cause any friction in the work place.
Well .. now tell this grown man why you cancelled his order & tell him that its bothering you and the other female coworkers. Let him know that you won't be ordering lunch with him any more if he cannot contribute the full amount due @ bill time. Everyone had $ issues.. not just him!
Hope that helps... & once again GREAT JOB for cancelling the order. You are right, he is a grown man & needs to be responsible.
2006-08-22 08:00:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing hunny. Some people just don't learn and need someone to be blunt to them and get the pont across. You shouldn't be guilty at all! My boyfriend worked at a place where their manager wouldn't help buy for his share of the lunch most of the time. They are lazy and think it's no big deal, eventually you have to just stand up and say what you think. Which you did; so you not feel bad. People like that need a reality check, and you need to keep inducing it till it sticks in his brain.
2006-08-22 07:10:34 · answer #3 · answered by Lu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel bad because you don't like to see someone go hungry, but at the same time it is frustrating because he is not paying his part.
If he is someone that you can talk to, try and find out his financial situation. Maybe he is on a tight budget due to some other situation, or maybe he just does not care about the change.
Either way you should at least talk to him in a civil matter and let him be aware of how everyone is feeling. If he is aggressive about the situation and throws a fit, then you will at least know that he does not care. You should at least give him a chance to explain.
2006-08-22 07:07:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you know boundaries are very important and I congratulate you for finally setting some with this guy. As long as you and the other continue to pay for his lunch and cover is short change he will continue to take advantage of this. To him it is an excepted practice which everyone has perpetuated. Be co-dependent no more! I understand the guilty feeling too, because it is hard to take a stand and you worry about hurting his feelings but really, you are helping him to grow. You are not his mother.
2006-08-22 07:05:54 · answer #5 · answered by rain2snw 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People that are leeches count on good people feeling bad. That is why they are so successful. Stop feeling bad right now!! And DON'T feel bad anymore. A direct approach is usually the best one. Tell him right out that he must pay for his own lunch from now on. Or collect his money before you place the order. He gets a paycheck the same as you do.
2006-08-22 07:14:03 · answer #6 · answered by papricka w 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This reminds me of a guy I used to go out with. He had serious intentions toward me (or so he said) but I could never be serious about him because every time we went out to eat when it came time to pay, he would take out his wallet and only have a couple of dollars, so I would pay. I finally decided to teach him a lesson... I took my money from my wallet and "hid" it in the bottom of my purse. When it came time to pay, he did his same old trick. So I took out my wallet and opened it and I had no money in there! LOL Then he goes, 'I may have some money in the car' and comes back and pays the bill. I continued to do the same thing every time we went out to eat and never paid for a meal again. I now live in a different state, but I recall what a moocher he was. He mooched in other ways to, like taking coupons I was saving without even asking me, etc. What a loser. It is funny... now he is married to a girl (woman) who doesn't work and spends all his money on shopping, etc. LOL Serves him right. It is karma.
2006-08-22 07:10:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My reply to is that you have just made the best decision of the whole affair-let him get his own lunch. He has ben taking you all for a ride very long now and it is time that he pays his own fare.
I would suggest that if it is causing to feel bad provide yuorself with a good reason for doing what you are doing so that it may make some sense.
Finally, teaching him to be responsible may just be giving your friend a very good wife.
2006-08-22 07:08:00 · answer #8 · answered by sexonsight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel bad because you think your supposed to help everyone that you have the ability to help. Problem is that sometimes helping some people does more harm than good. He needs to wake up and join the rest of society. Unless he's personally taking care of a helpless family member or somehow makes less money that you (doubt it), he needs to pull his own weight. And he doesn't know how because there is always someone there to "help him out".
2006-08-22 07:06:47 · answer #9 · answered by hawt2trawt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u feel bad because you are kind and caring. but u did the right thing. He has to realize that he is grown and should be able to handle lunch on his own. perhaps u and your coworkers should sit down and talk to him, he may have a real problem like an addiction to gambling, alcohol, or worse. just be kind and refuse to help, eventually he'll either do it on his own or find a way so paying for lunch isn't neccesary (like packing a meal)
2006-08-22 07:05:39 · answer #10 · answered by sweetangel20_04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋