Is there a difference in the way a step parent treats their own bio child?

Question

Has anyone in a blended family noticed a difference even subtle in the way the step parent treats your bio child? I just notice my husband (my son's step father) doesn't say hello or acknowledge my son's prescence when he comes home on Sundays from spending time with his own father. It really bothers me. I observed one Sunday he didn't even acknowledge me son only to say "Take out the trash it is full." I feel uneasy about this.

It is most certaintly my responsiblity to get involved when I see any PERSON treat him unfairly. If he can grab his daughter for a hug and say Hi then he can at least say Hi to my child. I am a mother and I am suppose to make sure he has a secure upbringing. It isn't giving a child space when they walk into a room and you don't say HI. I wouldn't ignore my mother if she came to my home or my friend so why ignore a child?

Answer 1

and you should feel un-easy. I have some problems. but none like that. i think you should try to talk to your hubby. If he becomes defensive, then obviously there is a problem. If he seems concerned. you have the cat in the bag. Maybe he feels un-easy also. I went to a thereapy with my hubby. The feelings he had about my daughters father just would go away. but when I brought this to his attention. He agreed. He felt different. (I think my own step-father did to.) But he said he loved me and my daughter more then life itself. He also said he wanted to stop feeling this way. So we got help. It worked like a charm. I feel better and so does he, but the most important part, my daughter doesn't have to suffer any longer. I wanted her to love him also. BUt how could she when he treated her that way? It makes the child resent the stepparent. They never feel the same about them. YOu really have to do something about this. If your hubby agrees. Then you've won this battle. If he gets angry, and defensive, I would truly think of what was best for my child. It's not fair for the child. plain and simply. If he sees that also. Great! find a good family counselor. It saved my marriage and my wonderfully blended family.

Answer 2

I think you are being overly sensative. It isn't right of you to put the onus on your husband, your son didn't say hello to him either...if that is how they are comfortable, it isn't your place to get in the middle of it. It is their relationship.

What you aren't considering is the fact that your husband could be respecting your son's privacy after coming home from his real father's house by giving him space when he comes home. Allowing you son to come to him, instead of jumping right in and acting like a second dad, or making your son feel like he is being questioned about his time with his dad.

If your son comes to you and seems upset then fine, talk to your husband about it and ask him to make an effort to greet him - but if it is only your issue, and the two of them seem content - let it go.

Don't make blended family any harder than it is by making more out of small things than need to be.

Answer 3

I didnt examine your different question yet I fairly have had some experence with step mothers and fathers. the only concern I see with step mothers and fathers is that in case you weren't suggested by ability of them and the youngsters are already 7 or 8 by ability of the time the mothers and fathers get remarried, the youngster is meant to settle for that guy or woman as "mom" or "dad"....and it only doesnt artwork that way in a kiddo's suggestions... I consider the female above tho, you may desire to envision as a kin what you're and to who. seems such as you have been there for the youngster, yet dont be bowled over if he usesthe "your no longer my mom card" down the line as quickly as he's sufficiently previous to establish a distinctive in bio vs step. only be there for him thats the suited you're able to do:D stable success.

Answer 4

Sure they treat them differently... they do not mean to but they do. My son has gone threw similar... Talk to him about this and ask if he can see the difference. However how does punishment be handled in your home? Does he only get so much room to help parent?

Answer 5

It is very hard to be a "step" parent, although I never found it hard to acknowledge the child, but yes, you never have the same feelings for someone elses as you do your own.

Answer 6

I worry that I will be harder on my own child when we have one, than I am with my step-daughter. I will try to treat them equally, but we can only see.

Answer 7

we have the same problem in my brother's family. his wife treats his 2 children by his 1st wife much differently than she treats her own son. she is very strict, and downright verbally mean to them, vs how she treats her own son. she spoils her own son rotten but could care less about her stepchildren. it bothers me because i adore all 3 of my brother's children, but i can't do anything about it. i think she resents my nephew & niece because they take time away from her own son.

Answer 8

I have also been in that position,my husband treats my 17 yr. old totally different than his 2 kids we have together.he has always been that way.I've had alot of arguements over this matter.I can not tell you why they do this.If it was me.I would treat the other child as if he/she was my own..............

Answer 9

there is a difference in our family, but we (my boyfriend and i) talk openly about it. we work on it together & try to solve things. it's difficult for me because i'm not his daughter's mom. they have a mom they adore, so i can't really do any "parenting" with them (we are the non-custodial parents). my son is with us full time, but he has no contact with his birthfather, but my boyfriend doesn't like to hear him talk about him. it's a tough thing sometime, but you guys should just talk about it & talk out your concerns.

Answer 10

of course there is a difference
its natural