Should I leave the wedding?

Question

My friend asked me to be in her wedding over a year ago. I said Yes, and now the wedding is 6 weeks away. Since last year, my 'friend' has been turning in to a real B***H. I dont even feel like she is my friend any more. Her attitude about everything having to be perfect is already starting to ruin our friendship. She also has kicked out one of the other bridemaids when this girl expressed to the bride that she was geting out of control.The brides is constantly telling us to buy this or buy that so that we will all match that day. we have already bought the dress, shoes, and shawls. we ALL ( 4 bridesmaids total) told her we didnt like the dress, and the bride said "too bad". At that point we just went along with what the bride wanted b/c it is her big day. However, things are geting way out of hand. Like she yells at us, sends us very angry e-mails if we arent doing somthing exactaly the way she wants it. like she also told us a bridal shower and bach. party are MANDATORY! there so not

Answer 1

if she's already kicking people out and doesn't care enough about her relationship w/ her bridesmaids then i would probably quit the wedding. if you don't like her and don't want to be there for the wedding i wouldn't be. she kind of brought this on herself by being a major bridezilla. that will probably ruin your friendship though so if you're okay with that do what makes you happy

Answer 2

Realize that leaving the wedding means that you will be leaving the friendship as well. A wedding is no reason to lose a friendship. But, if this is how she acts under stress, it's a telling sign of who she really is.

I think it's a bad idea to confront her right now. She's obviously not handling this well and a bridesmaid revolt would not make her any happier or easier to get along with.

Grin and bear it and try to separate yourself from the situation. Try to avoid her at all costs. Get a list of things that have to be done and when they are expected to be done by and do them on your own.

She sounds like a very selfish person who has bought into the "This day is YOUR day" Bull$h|t. Either find a way to handle it for the next 6 weeks, or walk away from the wedding and your friendship. It's a tough call, and I'm very sorry that you have to go through it. : ( Good luck to you and I hope that it all works out!

Answer 3

I was in the same situation less than a year ago. My BEST friend from 8th grade got married last september, and she started to get a little out of control. I was the maid of honor and had fell on some hard times and was unable to keep up with the many expenses that the maid of honor has. I couldn't attent the bach party in napa, going to the spa and wine tasting, nor going to the city in a limo and all that. I could hardly pay my bills at the time, but that wasn't good for her. I became unhappy about it and wasn't happy for her to get married, i wasn't excited about it because i felt she put too much emphasis on $$ rather than what I was able to afford and our friendship. The dress you can live with, like you said - it's hard, but you just kinda deal. I wound up not being in her wedding or even going...two weeks before the wedding i dropped out and she agreed she didn't want me in the wedding. Weddings will tear friendships apart - my friend and i are now back to normal and apologies were exchanged. She realized that things were taken out of context and she was being selfish. I think your friend is so caught up in the fact it's "HER day", she's taking it to another extreme and becoming bridezilla!
I wish i would have been in the wedding, as well as my friend does, she wanted me there for her important day...hopefully yolu can hold out a little longer and things will calm down. After the wedding i hope she realizes the trouble you guys are going through for her, if not then it would be time to end the friendship. I think a shower is mandatory, but i wouldn't word it that way. If she is expecting a fancy and expensive shower and bach party, then she needs to fork out some money herself! really think about it if you didn't go to the wedding or backed out - it's something you'll never get back. good luck!

Answer 4

Well, she does sound like a total bridezilla here. You do realize she's under a lot of stress, even if it is mostly self imposed. She's not allowed however, to be rude and disrespectful, that's simply uncalled for. Sending the angry emails and yelling is totally uncalled for. However, it is the responsibility of the bridesmaids to host a bridal shower and some also host a bachelorette party as well, but you guys are the hosts. She doesn't dictate how those events are run.

Take a deep breath, realize the amount of stress she's under. Offer to take her to lunch, even though you might not be feeling that charitable, this is a clear case where taking the high road is required of one of you, and it's obvious she won't do it. I would do this with just the 2 of you, if she senses that all her "maids" are ganging up on her, it probably won't go well at all. In a calm, quiet, NEUTRAL setting, explain to her that your friendship means alot to you, and hopefully to her too, but that her behavior is getting way out of control. Explain to her that her yelling at you and sending rude, nasty emails is very hurtful. Tell her (every other sentence) that you appreciate how stressed out she is, and you want to do whatever you can (within reason) to help out with her stress, but that you cannot allow her to continue treating you this way. Tell her that you want to share her big day with her, but you want it to be a happy, joyous occasion, and that right now feelings are too raw for it to be that way. Try to keep it calm, but remember, if she's COMPLETELY out of control, there's a limit to what you can do here, you cannot control what she does, but you can control how you react to it. You don't have to take the abuse if she continues to dish it out. Hopefully you can help her see the light and she can agree to change her behavior, but possibly not, and you need to be prepared for that eventuality as well. I wouldn't pull the threatening to not be in the wedding, unless you're 100% prepared to back it up, and follow through with it. That may be what it takes. I hope not, but I've seen it happen before. Best of luck to you and to your friend, I hope you can keep the friendship, because good friends are always hard to come by.

Answer 5

I think you should get together with the other girls and stand together and tell her that if she doesn't mind her manners and start treating you guys better... you're all walking!! Even if you have to do it in email form- tell her how she is making you feel and how she is hurting everyone feelings. If you all do it together I think she will back down because she will be afraid she won't have any bridemaids in the wedding.
If you have honestly have totally had it and can't do it anymore then I would drop out but it's a shame that you bought everything.... but it might be cheaper for you in the long run... to run now!!

Answer 6

It's your decision whether you want to not go through with this.

Tempers flare & friendships are tried during this time. But it sounds to me like the bride is spoiled & considers it her right. Despite what Bridezilla's say; Yes, it is her day but that does NOT allow her to behave anyway she thinks she should. I, with the other girls, would tell her this. She may be walking down the aisle with no attendants. Maybe that's what she should have planned in the first place.

Answer 7

You're right about showers and bach parties not being mandatory, but regarding not liking the dress, I'm afraid that's par for the course, just part of being a BM.

But she isn't allowed to treat you badly. That's out of line.

Drop out if you must but shee may not want to be firends with you afterwards.

Answer 8

You have to understand that the brides want HER day to be perfect, so you have to excuse the craziness. This is supposed to be a once in a lifetime experience for her so she is under a lot of pressure.

On the other hand you have to do what makes YOU feel good. So if the GOOD in your friend outweighs the BAD then be there for her...you guys will laugh about it one day. If you really can't stand her anymore, you can always bow out.

Answer 9

some brides do turn ridiculous for their big day, but as you stated it is their day so I say you just bite your tongue on most of the issues listed EXCEPT....tell that heffa that you will NOT tolerate her disrespecting you by yellling at you and sending hot emails because you are not a child and there is no cause. Wear the ugly dress and count down the 6 weeks.

Answer 10

Wow sounds like bridezilla. I know it has to be hard since she is your friend, but think about it, you lasted this long and you invested so much already not just time but money. If after the wedding she doesn't go back to being the friend you thought she was, then think of it as money well spent. You did your deed and spent what you had to, to get her out of your life. Good luck.