First, thanks so much for the helpful opinions you gave me yesterday, concerning age differences. This question concerns my cousin. My cousin is 24,& a guy she's interested in is 38. She has only had 1 boyfriend,& doesn't have a lot of experience with men. Well, here's the thing. This man lied to her about his living arrangements. She found out he lives with a woman, because the woman had HIS baby, in the hospital where my cousin works. She thought he was living alone, but he & this woman have an apartment together, along with 3 other children. So, there are a total of 4 children,& he told my cousin 3 of them aren't his. He says he is trying to move to his own place. I'm no detective, but this sounds suspicious. What do you think? I've tried hinting around, but she is smitten with this guy. Yesterday she called, & told me they are getting real close, BUT he is still living with the mother of his child. I know I should mind my business, but I don't I don't want to see her hurt
2006-08-22 05:32:50 · 14 answers · asked by LibraT 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First off, "you're welcome" in response to your "thanks." =D
In answer to your question, you might want to sit your cousin down with you and let her know you're only telling her this because you care and don't want to hurt her, but that she needs to hear your opinion. Then tell her what you want her to know. She may be mad at first, but she'll be thinking about what you said later when she's alone. She's going to do what she wants to do either way, but at least you'll have your 2 cents in. And who knows, she may even thank you later.
She also may not leave him right away then since she hasn't dated much. She might decide to stick with him just for the sake of calling him her boyfriend. Does the guy you like have any good friends that might be interested in her? Since you seem to really like and trust your guy, chances are he has some friends that are like him.
I hope things work out in both of your situations. =)
2006-08-22 06:12:42 · answer #1 · answered by Punky Brewster 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some older men learn to be deceitful over the years and will try to take advantage of women such as your cuz...you should warn her UP FRONT that this guy isn't worth all the drama that obviously lies ahead. He definitely sounds like a playa/wannabe playa. Just tell her he's not the only "older man" out there that she can be happy with. But in the end it is her decision, and life's all about getting bumps and bruises before you reach your final destiny...she's gonna get hurt, you can't always be there to save her. She may even resent you for trying to intervene. Say what you gotta say, then step back and let her do the damage to herself. You don't even have to say "told ya so" if it doesn't work. She has to go through this crap herself to learn. Life is a learning process, you win some, you lose some...but it's ultimately up to her who she wants to date, and if she's too blind to see what's going on, let her get hurt and learn her lesson. Love her the same no matter what though, she's gonna need you.
2006-08-22 12:45:21 · answer #2 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is much more than an "age gap" concern. this is more of a "these guy is a complete jerk" problem. I know how it is to be 'smitten' in love with someone. Blinded love...especially if your cousin has never had much experience with men before. you should definitely try talking to her about what a creep this guy is, he def sounds suspicious. she will be hurt, but it will help her int he long run.
2006-08-22 12:42:32 · answer #3 · answered by abby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie I am with u.This guy sounds like he is full of crap.I also agree that u are trying to help her.ask her a couple of key questions.Like does she have his home #and is there only certain times he is available.And why is it they just had a baby together but are not really together.And has he ever ask her to see his child or children.If she anwsers most of these with no then hello does she need a neon sign to see he si full of it.
2006-08-22 12:47:09 · answer #4 · answered by motherof319662000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
14 years is a big difference. Dude, when the girl was turning 18, he was THIRTY TWO. Get her out of there.
I'm only twenty-nine. Have your cousin call me.
2006-08-22 12:40:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to tell him that she is not going to see him until he gets his own place. She needs to say to him... I love myself too much to put myself in a situation where I will be hurt. If you like me alot and care for me, you will call me when you get your life situated and you are ready to be with me.
If she continues to see him while he is in that situation, he will never get out of it, because he will have his cake and eat it too, men are good at that.
Strong women need not be played!!!
2006-08-22 12:47:39 · answer #6 · answered by smoody 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's going to take advantage of her!!!! Try to get her to see the light. Tell the other woman if you need to.
Introduce your friend to some decent guys if you know any.
2006-08-22 12:44:03 · answer #7 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, trust me...all the words in the world will not make her leave this guy because she seems to be really into him. She's not going to care what anyone else says about him because she's already hooked and reeled in.
2006-08-22 12:42:25 · answer #8 · answered by Lucy B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it does seem strange that he lives with another women and 4 children....how does ur cousin know that he really loves her and just her alone....u should explain to ur cousin ur concern about her relationship....
2006-08-22 12:44:45 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shes 24 - so i bet she can do a whole lot better then a lying, 34 yeard old man with kids
2006-08-22 12:42:06 · answer #10 · answered by 10 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋