Children's Birthday Party Etiquette?

Question

My daughter will have her sixth birthday party on Saturday. We are having it here at our house in the backyard (cookout). I am alarmed to realize that the majority of the parents plan on staying, and bringing toddlers! Because we have a pool, and it is NOT a pool party, I am concerned about the small children around the pool. There is just no way I can safely keep track of the siblings, and it is also an inconvenience because I was not planning on providing meals for eleven parents and eight siblings of the invitees! How do I graciously get myself out of this mess? I am amazed at how rude and PRESUMPTUOUS people can be! When my children were toddlers, and they were invited to a party, I would ask the parent hosting if they minded if I stayed to help out. I did not bring the siblings, and this way, when the kids were very young, there were more eyes to watch them. I also never ate. Is it wrong to think that at six years old, the parents should not assume they were invited, as well?

As it stands, there are more UNINVITED guests coming than invited! There are eleven univited parents, and eight uninvited toddlers/babies. That is more people than we invited to the party, and there is no way to stretch food for this many people. My fiend sayd I am not obligated to fee them, but others have posted that I should. What do you think? I think it is imposing to expect me to feed their other children and them.

I have decided that in the future my invitations will include a note at the bottom stating, " No uninvited guests, please!" Do you think this will solve the problem?

Answer 1

People are skrod anymore, I swear.

When they come, meet them at the door and say "Hello- pickup time is at..." and if they are saying they are staying, look very confused and say "Oh?" and do then whatever is appropriate for their reaction. Personally I would tell them "The other parents will be back at X-time but if you can't make it on time please call."

I wouldn't offer any refreshments to the adults. Nothing. How rude!

Next time put a "drop off" and "pick up" time on the invites and make sure when they RSVP you mention that their SPECIFIC CHILD will have a great time with the other children their age. If they don't RSVP, call them well in advance. Mention that the games are geared specifically for THE BDAY GIRL's age group and how nice it will be for the birthday girl to have her INVITED FRIEND for her special little party.

Then if they show up and linger on the doorstep you can grab the kid by the hand gently, guide her in and don't even let the parents past the front door.

Geesh, why do people think invitations mean bring whomever you want?

Answer 2

I was faced with this EXACT situation, same age and everything a few weeks ago. Don't worry about it so much. An invitation is not an obligation to attend. The only obligation is to bring a gift if you do and to RSVP in a timely manner. Likely this person was just following good etiquette in inviting all children in the class, and trying not to leave just aquaintances of the girl out. They will not be offended. If you are interested in how I handled it, I RSVP'd for the party, said that my son would not be able to attend, but thank you so much for the invitation. Since I was BLESSED with encountering answering machine, I said we would be happy to have the little girl over after school one day next week (it limits your time and gives you an oportunity to meet the parents) and to please call if they were ever interested. It politely puts the ball back in their court, so you know if they are really interested in the two being friends or if it was just an "etiquette invite". Chances are, as in my case, they will not reciprocate as they have a kindergartener too, are busy and were just being polite issuing an invitation to the whole class. I never addressed whether I would stay at the party, because it was mentioned on the invitation that "parents could use that time to get some Christmas shopping done." politely letting me know that parents weren't part of the plan. Sounds like your son is not interested in going anyway, and if he does, you have to buy a gift. AND, even if they didn't mention it, which they SHOULD have, you technically shouldn't invite yourself to the party, I THINK, at this age. Politely turning them down is perfectly acceptable. An additional invite to reciprocate is nice (especially if you are worried about hte little girl getting her feelings hurt), but not obligatory. You might meet a nice new friend:) In short, no, I would not make him go if he was simply uninterested, unless it was a family friend, a close friend of his or the child had attended his party.

Answer 3

I don't think putting that on your invitations will help at all, in fact I think it would become where even the invited guests will not show up either. Let them come with their toddlers but let them know that there will be no swimming and that they need to keep an eye on their kids because of the pool. Also make sure the invited guests eat first. If there r some leftovers then your can ask if anyone else would like something to eat...if none left over, oh well. You just don't want to upset the parents because they will not let their children go to the party and the only one who gets hurt is your daughter.

Answer 4

When kids are that young, many parents just want to keep an eye on them. Especially if there is a pool on the property. I'm sure that is why most of them are going. Don't feel obligated to feed them at all. When you hand out snacks and things, just only give them out to the kids. Also, don't feel like you have entertain the parents as well as the children. Just focus on your child and the friends. Is there a fence around the pool? If not, I would have the party inside or in the front yard. Just put yourself in their shoes, if your child was invited to a party where there was a pool in the backyard and you didn't know the parents very well, wouldn't you be a bit nervous? I know I certainly would. Don't invite additional stress. Also, some of them may be bringing siblings b/c they have no other choice. You always have to assume the best of people. While some of them may just be very rude, just assume the best and act accordingly.

Answer 5

Well, six is still on the young side. Some people think that they are doing you a favor by staying.

I would just contact everyone and explain the situation. Certainly you have an "out" with the pool/toddler thing. I have a six-year-old and a toddler and I would appreciate someone calling me and telling me I don't HAVE to stay and that it would make you uncomfortable having little ones there around the pool.

However, that being said, I hope you have your eagle eyes on the six-year-olds and the pool. That could be a dangerous situation as well.

At this late date you might still have some "stayers" and you ought to plan to feed them because that would be the nice hostessing thing to do, but hopefully you can get rid of some of them by being gracious and explaining yourself. I don't think anyone will be offended and most will probably thank you. However, because of the pool I think some people might still say they would like to be there to supervise and if so, you need to be accepting of that.

Good luck! Next time you might have your party offsite to ease your anxiety.

PS I think saying something like "no uninvited guests please" is very rude. You might try saying something like "due to the fact we have limited space, we would respectfully ask that you drop off and pick up your child, and enjoy your free afternoon! However if you have special circumstances feel free to call me." That ought to take care of it.

Get a giant bag of pretzels and make lemonade, and cook up hot dogs for everyone. I doubt that everyone will eat and you won't be too put out. And get a cheaper, plain supplemental cake or bake some cupcakes that you can dish up to the toddlers and parents if the Barbie cake or whatever gets eaten up by the true guests.

Answer 6

I can think of a way you don't have to do anything, but instead take advantage of the fact that the parents are staying: put them to use! When they get there, ask the ladies if they could help you whip up some more food because it looks like you don't have enough. Ask the men to watch over the children. Even if this is a party, you can ask the guests to help you out in the party and get food ready. The only downside I see is having to spend more money in food, but at least you'll be getting a hand in getting everything prepared.

Answer 7

Post a huge sign stating that the homeowner is not responsible for any injuries, illness or death and that due to insurance rules, children will not be allowed within 5 feet of the pool or in the pool unless accompanied their adult companion. You have to do it like to auto body shops and other businesses do it, I don't know if that would hold up in court if something bad were to happen but at least the parents would get the message and think twice about being so rude the next time you throw a party.

Answer 8

I was raised differently and when having a party I usually have more food than people expected. Since you have a pool and more adults will be present you should be thankful that there are more eyes with the amount of children coming. Plus, toddlers don't eat much so you can cut things in half if necessary.
Not everyone seems to be as courteous as you in asking if they can come with their other children so either let it go or call every one of these uninvited guests to let them know how you feel that only one child is invited. You only have a few more days so try to make it a happy one for your daughter. Don't let a few extra people ruin it for you.

Answer 9

well i don't think there's a gracious way to get out of it. but perhaps you should talk to the parents when they arrive and inform them that the pool is off limits. and that since your are playing miss hostess you will not be able to keep an eye on everyone's child.
for the food issue just make something for the kids and very little for the adults. maybe some drinks and light snack food.
most people are very inconsiderate and would never in a million years think to ask whether it was appropriate to bring their other kids or not at least offer to help out in some way.
maybe be more specific next time about who's invited and what other parent's responsibilities are. and chalk this one up as a hard learned lesson.

Answer 10

Personally, I feel that this is very rude. My daughter is 9 years old and the way I prevented it was by writing on the invitations that only the children invited would be allowed into the party. Parents were to drop off the children at a specified time and return to pick them up at a specified time unless they called to ask if they could stay and help.