I have been dating this guy for about 4 years. He had been by himself a long time before I came along. So I wasn't entirely surprised when I found his stash of porn. I don't mind it at all, in fact I enjoyed it myself. But he goes through great lengths to hide it. And it's not just regular old fashioned porn. It includes fetish, hard core stuff. Still I don't mind. My problem is, he does this the moment I leave the house. He can sit with it for hours. So once he has ejaculated. I return home and he goes to sleep and doesn't want to have sex with me. So I manage to get it once or twice a week. I confronted him about it, and he promised that it wouldn't happen again. But it has. I don't know if this acceptable because he doesn't cheat on me. I feel really hurt and ugly because I feel that he just doesn't find me attractive enough . I am scared that if I open this up again I will lose the one man I love.
2006-08-22 04:14:40 · 20 answers · asked by exosted 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i thought that if I let him act out what he watched our sex would be better. It was for a while. Then he stopped the entire thing and didn't want to do it like that anymore. I felt like I was dropped on my head. We used to enjoy anal sex. One day, while having sex I asked for it anally, he told me no, that he didn't like it. Since then I won't allow him to touch my bottom. When I know he's been on the internet and jacked off, I don't want him to touch me. I want to punish him like he punishes me. I no longer want to open up to him about it. I think maybe he just doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to tell me because he knows that I love him and that I would be devastated. And I probably would. But this is so much worse. So tired of dealing with this.
2006-08-22 04:45:13 · update #1
i thought that if I let him act out what he watched our sex would be better. It was for a while. Then he stopped the entire thing and didn't want to do it like that anymore. I felt like I was dropped on my head. We used to enjoy anal sex. One day, while having sex I asked for it anally, he told me no, that he didn't like it. Since then I won't allow him to touch my bottom. When I know he's been on the internet and jacked off, I don't want him to touch me. I want to punish him like he punishes me. I no longer want to open up to him about it. I think maybe he just doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to tell me because he knows that I love him and that I would be devastated. And I probably would. But this is so much worse. So tired of dealing with this.
2006-08-22 04:53:48 · update #2
threaten him with the relationship online
2006-08-22 04:20:39 · answer #1 · answered by Nick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello exosted,
That's usually not normally the case, that a guy isn't interested in the girl, but prefers the porn. It's usually the other way around, that the girl doesn't do the stuff that he likes or isn't as interested in sex. You sound like you are cool with his porn, but just want to have your fun too. Have you ever thought about recreating the porn action that he enjoys?
Porn is something that is normally just for the guys, so maybe if you were to do something just to please him, like a BJ or a hand job while he is enjoying the porn, would change his attitude towards the porn and you. It might make you part of the fun.
Another thing that you could do is take the porn out and have it lying around the house. I imagine that he's pretty paranoid and secretive about it and having it on the coffee table might be a way of opening up to it.
Also, you might try getting a copy of "Playgirl" or other female oriented publications and read it around him. Turn about is fair play and professional models with large penises could send the message to him how you feel about the models in his porn. The fact is that none of us can measure up.
Good luck.
--Rick
2006-08-22 04:34:23 · answer #2 · answered by rickrudge 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How to avoid porn addiction on the Internet
1. Consider installing porn content filtering software( Strongly Recommend NetDog ,you can get it from www.netdogsoft.com ) on your computer. it will help to protect you from stumbling into pornography by accident, That's important.
2. Do not try to guess what the address of a Web page is. Many pornographic sites have similar addresses of respectable sites. For example www . whitehouse . com is a porn site. The real address is www. whitehouse . gov
3. Never click on Web site addresses that you receive in an unsolicited email.
4. Do not open attachments that come in email that are unsolicited.
5. Use filtered search engines or reputable directories to find the information you need.
6. Do not search for terms like girls. Think before you enter a search term.
Stick with reputable sites.
If something looks questionable, don't let curiosity get the best of you. Delete it or close the window.
Internet Porn Filter Resource:
http://www.netdogsoft.com
2006-08-22 22:14:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
damn, what a same situation. only that i am the guy. but i only did it when i can't do it with her (when that time of the month, you know what i mean). or i watch some and don't do anything and wait for her to be around and have it with her. but it's not fair for her, i know. at least she doesn't even suspect about that. and lately i don't have a chance to see so much and now i am not addictive to it any more. may be you should ask him to do the same thing. don't force thing, it takes time and stay along with him during the process. you'll succeed.
2006-08-22 04:26:22 · answer #4 · answered by Cool Z 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love porn so i know what your bf is going through. however, i love sex also so i wouldn't trade it for the porn. you have to understand that porn is a different type of experience and turn on for a guy - some of us just love it. I would watch it with him and do some of the nasty things with him - he'll slowly come around.
2006-08-22 04:29:11 · answer #5 · answered by Admiral 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take his porn & lock it in a box.
Tie him up to the bed & do some of the things in the videos or pics to him.
Once he can do them in real life it will be more enjoyable than just fantasy sex.
But it will take him time to change & relax enough to be completely comfortable if he's been doing this for several years.
2006-08-22 04:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by lostintheclover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone is entitled to a few skeletons in the closet. however, it is beginning to affect the relationship.. after all you also have your own physical needs.
habits dont change very fast, especially if its something like smoking, gambling or porn! you have to talk to him again about it. convince him that it is nothing he has to HIDE, and something you are willing to discuss without bias.
then go on to reiterate your needs to him, and maybe you can come to a consensus / compromise.
2006-08-22 04:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by statistics 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel completely. In any relationship,you should feel beautiful & attractive. If he can't see your true beauty,then you should dump him. Tell him why you are dumping him,but if he promises to stop,then get back together with him. Don't be scaird to tell him how you feel,sharing feelings with each other can make your relationship remain strong.
Good Luck & Best Wishes~
2006-08-22 04:23:59 · answer #8 · answered by Jeremy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
porn addiction is similar to any other addiction. He has to recognize he has a problem first and then be willing to find solutions. Problem with porn addiction is that most people consider it a harmless addiction. If your boyfriend is not willing to confront his problem, then you have to hit the road
2006-08-22 04:29:38 · answer #9 · answered by Leonard K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit him down and tell him what you are feeling. A man (or woman) masterbating is normal but he also needs to take care of you.
2006-08-22 04:25:17 · answer #10 · answered by cowboygene2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn, and I thought I was bad.
Whether or not it's "acceptable" is up to you. You're the only one who has to date him, so screw what everyone else thinks is okay or not. You gotta do what makes you happy, that's your perogative.
2006-08-22 04:45:32 · answer #11 · answered by JudasHero 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋