Have I done the right thing? Advice needed urgently!!?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together 2years and 1 year engaged lately things have been boring with nothing happening!! Whilst things were going down hill me and my best male friend were getting on really really well. He would whisper normal everyday things really seductively in my ear it was so much fun when we were messing around (play fighting) at work and meeting up in the security cupboard! Then my friend annouced he was leaving work for a new job I felt so devastated like I was being dumped!! We went out to say goodbye and we kissed it was so passionate he made me feel absoultely amazing. BUT I LOVE my boyfriend and I felt so sick with guilt and decided to forget all about it but I couldn't! My boyfriend found out and dumped me my parents hate me and they really miss him and I still love him and miss him tremendously but my work friend makes me feel like nothing I have ever felt!! I gave up on love and commitment to feel sexy and wanted I have nothing. Help me, what should I do?

Answer 1

First of all, don't put yourself down. its obvious you have feelings for them both... lust for your friend and love for your fiance. can you see yourself settling down with this friend? if not, your minds made up, you just need to make your fiance see how sorry you are!!!

Answer 2

You've said pretty much the whole thing already. You were bored with your boyfriend, and your friend gave you everything that was lacking in your relationship. This isn't bad in itself, loads of relationships get to this stage at some point. What you need to do is try to remember how it felt with your boyfriend when you first met him. Was it as good as this 'affair'? Did he make you feel special? It's natural for things to slide into boredom once you've been with someone for a long time; the question is whether you think things could improve with the boyfriend...you've got to remember that it won't always be great, and you won't always feel as excited and passionate as you did with your friend, but you need to try and work out if you can be happy with your boyfriend. If you think you can, then do everything you can to get him back. He's hurting and in pain, but if you two both feel strongly towards each other you can get through it. If not, then you've got to look elsewhere.

As for your friend, do you want him to be your friend or your lover? Do you know how he feels about you? He may fancy you (well, it's pretty obvious he does!) but is that enough for a relationship with him? There's a reason why friends last longer than lovers generally; because you can share everything without having to commit your life to them. There's no pressure there, no real problems as such, and that's why you need to make sure this way you feel isn't simply because you and your friend felt "free" enough to do what you've done.

What do you want out of this? Do you want to risk losing everything and go with the friend? Or do you want to get back with your boyfriend, knwing that there will be alot of hostility there for a while at least, and you'll have to be very strong to get through it. Think about what YOU want from life, and go for it.

Answer 3

what can you do doll??? you went with how you felt at the time but it went t*ts up!! you are not the first and wont be the last to have messed up like that! i can understand your boyfriend being upset but i think your parents should butt out for a while. if he knows they are not talking to you,it will make him feel better about not talking to you too. decide if it your boyfriend you really want to be with.and if it is,try and get him to meet you somewhere to talk. was there problems in the relationship for you to feel this way about someone else? were you taking each other for granted? were you trying hard enough to make each other happy? if you can get him to give you a second chance,then give it 100% this time to show you wont do anything like that again but be prepared,it will take him a long time to trust you again..but if you decide not to give it another go then atleast you will have learned a lesson for the future. perhaps you are not ready to settle down at the moment. there is nothing wrong with playing the field for a while if thats the case, as for your mum and dad,they will come around. don`t let them tell you they`ve never had their up`s and down`s.....everyone does but you feel bad enough without them making you feel worse!! i wish you luck and hope things go ok for you.xx

Answer 4

Don't let the "You're a cheater" comments get you down - things happen for a reason.

Last year was in a similar situation. Although I didn't technically cheat, I got caught out and dumped. At the time, I was devastated and thought I'd lost the man i loved. But down the path, I realised if I was that bothered about him, I wouldn't have had a wandering eye. Savage but true. You get comfortable in relationships, which you mistake for love.

A year on, I've been living it up as a single lady and enjoying every minute of it. And I have now met someone recently who is far more suitable, and makes my heart skip that beat that was lacking in my previous relationship.

So its going to be hard now, If you want a relationship with the work friend, go for it. If not - don't panic. Go out with your girls, enjoy yourself and live your life. And your parents don't hate you - they will get over it

Answer 5

Hey, babe i feel sorry for you, i was in the same boat, but you know what if you and your friend has feelings for each other, and if your boyfriend has left you then try with your friend, if your friend makes you feel really special then what do you have to lose. Maybe you and your ex were not meant to be and you and your friend are, only fate knows. Just take one day at a time, I felt like for somebody at work, he made me feel really special, but i was torn between my boyfriend and my friend, my boyfriend was jealous made me go through hell. I could have had a good relationship with my friend who was my soulmate, but i couldnt make up my mind, i lost my friend, and today 1 year ago, i miss him still, i see him at work and it really hurts, the big question is 'what if' listen to your heart girl, you are single now and you are not wrong, don't make the same mistake i did, you will regret it, if your friend makes you feel you are on cloud 9 then go for it, best of luck, thinking of you

Answer 6

It sounds like you learned a very harsh lesson here not only about the consequences that come with cheating but also about yourself. Perphaps you're not ready to make a commitment to someone right now. Marriage is a very sacred bonding that requires hardwork, dedication, loyality, trust ,responsibility, communication, and above all -love. If you feel that you have all of the above, then i feel that you are possibly ready but with the actions you chose, it clearly shows otherwise. Re-evaluate your life and what you want for yourself then go from there. Until you know what you want and are certain then move on to another relationship.

Answer 7

Sounds like you were wondering what you were missing out on...I have done that same thing...But now I have a wonderful man and I don't wonder what else there...My old "friends on the side" that I had are just friends now...Nothing any more...no way no how...When it is the real thing I think that you will know because there is no way you will want anything else and nobody else will be able to make you feel as amazing...As far as your parents go...Well would they of ignored eachother?? Ask em that one see what they say..Should make them shut up and get over it...

Answer 8

You didn't do the right thing by cheating on your boyfriend but the right thing came out of it in that you have separated.

The relationship you had with your boyfriend obviously wasn't making you happy and whatever you say you can't love him t ruly because if you did, you wouldn't have cheated on in. You obviously care about him but ask yourself this, did you love him or did you just love being in a secure relationship?

Your relationship would have ended anyway if you weren't happy and if you were bored so whats happened is for the best in the long run.

Answer 9

I was in a similar situation once with just a kiss, but then got back with my fella, everything seemed fine then he cheated on me but worse for ages. I realised after loads of soul searching that i was bored with my fella when i kissed the other guy because i didnt really love him but i didnt want to be alone, if it is true love you dont get bored beyond the point of doing somehting about it or talking to your fella. As for the other guy it sounds like a very lustful friendship, so that is probably what it was lust, he was not gutted cos he left you for another job! Get over it then get back out there but with someone new. Your family will come around they should support you through mistakes so long as you admit that you made mistakes.

Answer 10

Id forget about this guy from work- Its lust! Thats what happens when things become a little stale in relationships. Beg, plead and apologise till you are blue in the face to your boyfriend.Even if you were to get with this new guy, it would eventually go the same way. In a few months you probably wouldnt be able to stand each other, and then you wouldreally miss your boyfriend. True love is hard to find, but it takes alot of work. Put as much effort into getting your boyfriend back, as you did into thinking about this other guy. Plus, the time apart will probably have reawakened your desire for each other.

Answer 11

Hi, im so sorry that this has happend, but you have only yourself to blame. I know you feel low with yourself now but think how you family and your ex boyfriend feels. Its the whole Lust thing, But you may not be ready to even be in a long term realtionship anyway, if all it took was a little push for you to cheat on you boyfriend of two years then, obviously you arent ready to commit, so i think it was wrong for you to be engaged in the first place. You said it was your best male friend so why didnt you contact him, if you do have feelings this strong for him, more than you did for your boyfriend. Then he could be the one. Its obvious you want the man that you were cheating on you boyfriend with, so why dont you stop feeling sorry for yourself and get in touch with him and tell him how you feel. But ive no many people have thought that they wanted the whole love talk of a guy and secret meetings and when they finally have what they want they do not like it, as it was just the fun of having a fling with another person.
I think you should of just had a word with you the man you were engaged to and tell him you wanted to spice things up a little, theres no reason for you to cheat, if you really loved your boyfriend and you were thinking of marrying him, you obviously didnt love him enough to tell him he wasnt making you feel wanted and sexy, you were in a serious relationship and i dont think he would of dumped you for telling him the truth, he would of tried to make it up to you, but you have ruined it. Like you dont already know. I just think you need to get your head together and figure out who you really want and what will make you happy. Dont just make up with you ex just to please everyone, because it will only make you unhappy. Just do what your heart says not what your head says