I am 35 and my boyfriend is 30. We have been together for a year and get along great and I can totally see myself being married and having kids with him. But I want a commitment from him so that I don't invest too much time in him and at my age, I think it's very important since I'd like to have kids within the next 3 years. We have already discussed this, but now I want to know how long should I wait for this engagement?????
2006-08-22 03:55:00 · 7 answers · asked by LoPi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I so get where you're coming from and I have to say...
(1) DO NOT give him an ultimatum. If it comes to that, then just walk away, because you don't want someone that you had to bully into a committment.
(2) Although you've had a discussion, go back to him with the following:
- You want to get married
- You want to have children w/n the next 3 yrs
- Does he want children & if so, when
- You're 35 and you feel that you're on a timeline
- Ask him if he wants to get married
- Ask him if he wants to marry you
- Ask him what his timeline is (is he waiting on career, money, etc)
I think these are pretty straight forward questions and it'll give you a better idea of where he stands and can make a decision from there. I've had discussions with my boyfriend, but I think he thinks we're talking in the hypothetical, so maybe you're boyfriend is thinking the same and you just need to be more specific with him.
Also, if you've never been married before, keep in mind that it isn't all that it's cracked up to be. It's tons of work and if you need to be 100% clear about your (and his) expectations. So, although it's difficult (and I've been divorced), try not to romanticize marriage.
Good Luck
2006-08-22 04:13:35 · answer #1 · answered by LifesAMystery 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tuff one, I really understand your situation, however I honestly don't think that there is any right answer to this question. If you two are interested in the same things and one of them is marriage and longevity together, then you should just express yourself. As far as the time thing, just be blunt, honest and direct with him, keep in mind that it has only been a year and some relationships progress alot faster than others, so be careful not to compare and try to be understanding and fair.
It will all work out.
2006-08-22 11:18:52 · answer #2 · answered by Monie D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one year is not enough, if he loves you enough age does not matter. The advice i give you is, to wait a couple of months again and sit down with him and lay everything before him and if you both come to an agreement, then start preparing to be committed to what you both agree upon and second, marriage and then third, kids. If by the three years is up and there is no signs of improvements, time to think it over and a possibility of moving on.
2006-08-22 11:37:11 · answer #3 · answered by samoy y 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if you have been together a year and have talked about marriage and having children, then what is he waiting for? You should've already set a date. Especially if you want kids. You are already at high risk because of your age, waiting too much longer could mean no children at all. It's time to poop or get off the pot.
2006-08-22 11:06:10 · answer #4 · answered by eeyorehero1 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well my girlfriend and i are 30 and wewaited 2 yrs before we got engaged and will be married after our 3rd. Maybe u can try to do the same. Your clock is ticking but u still have time. Just find out if he wants what u want!!
2006-08-22 11:11:34 · answer #5 · answered by stewiegrif27 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been engaged for 4 years dating for 2 so who knows whats right for me may be wrong for you
2006-08-22 11:04:32 · answer #6 · answered by bgbelden 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not much longer, the clock is ticking
2006-08-22 11:07:30 · answer #7 · answered by kristycordeaux 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋