I am writing my wedding thank yous. What is etiquette for those who attend but don't give a gift?

Answer 1

Etiquette is a system of rules and conventions that regulate social and professional behaviour. In any social unit there are accepted rules of behaviour upheld and enforced by legal codes; there are also norms of behaviour mandated by custom and enforced by group pressure. An offender faces no formal trial or sentence for breach of etiquette; the penalty lies in the disapproval.
source: http://www.britannica.com/eb/article-9033150
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Answer 2

I just sent them a card thanking them for coming. But be careful who you do that to. If you had a friend show up that you know doesn't have that much money and didn't give a gift you might just want to skip giving them a thank you card. I know that my husband and I did not give a gift to a wedding we went to a long time ago and it would have been a bit embarrassing if they had sent us a thank you card. Later on we did give them some money but still, some people would take offense to it. They would feel like you are trying to rub it in their face that they did not give you anything. You just need to take in consideration what type of person they are.


Reading the other answers makes me feel like brides come off very greedy! My husband and I had a very large wedding and there were probably about 3 or 4 people that did not bring anything. The point of a wedding is to celebrate the union of two people, not raise money or see how much they can get. I would have rather had those people at my wedding than have them bring money.

Example: We just went to a wedding that was a weekend long thing, we spent over 400 dollars on everything, hotel, rental car and could not afford to give a gift of money at that point. We couldn't even drink at the wedding because it was a cash bar. But I am sure that next month when we do have money I will put it in the card we bought and mail it.

Answer 3

Tell them thank you for attending your wedding. Technically, they do not have to bring a gift on that day. Are you getting married for the gifts? I hope not.
Wedding gifts have a couple of months to arrive after the wedding, according to etiquette and some customs.

Answer 4

You send thank you notes for people who sent or brought a gift.

You do NOT send a thank you note for someone who simply attended. That makes you look like you're saying "Hi, I notice you didn't give me a gift-- where is it? Just wanted to remind you to give me one."

If you are going to communicate with the non-gifters as a matter of course, then you can add a message in that "normal" communication/conversation about how lovely it was to spend time with them at your wedding. But not in a "thank you note format"-- that would look bad, like you're fishing for "missing gifts".

Answer 5

It would be extremely weird to attend a wedding and not bring a gift. What rude people!! Now we had people that declined going to our wedding and didn't send a gift, so I didn't send them any sort of thank you note.

I guess you could say, "Thank you so much for sharing in our special day," but I'd be pissed that they came empty-handed! Sorry, but with the cost of dinner these days, and cake and all the other freebies guests get at weddings, it is highly disrespectful to the couple to come without anything for them. So sorry this happened to you!

Answer 6

Depends - did you invite them because you liked them and wanted to share your special day with them? Then a "Thank you for joining us on our special day" sort of note would be appropriate.

If you only invited them to up the gift count, then you can be crass and not even thank them for taking the time to attend your wedding.

Answer 7

I am pretty sure that you only need to send thank yous to the people who sent gifts.

Answer 8

I only sent thank yous to those who gave gifts

Answer 9

Do they really deserve a thank you then? What did they do for you? They mooched off of you is what they did. They came ate, drank and didn't even have the courtesy to give you a gift....why thank them? If they can't give a gift they shouldn't come...had a few of those! I didn't send a thank you.

Answer 10

I would not waste a stamp on them, cheapskates lol. Seriously though,I did not think it was necessary to send thank yous unless someone had bought you a gift.