Is it appropriate for neighbors to call and invite themselves over because I have a pool?

Question

We have a pool, and I have a neighbor that constantly calls to ask, "What are you doing today?" Which is inevitably followed by, " We were wanting to come swim and wanted to be sure you would be home." Well, what if I am going to be home, and just don't care to have company with kids? What if I want to bask in the sun with my top off, or skinny dip? Am I the rude one? Sometimes I lie and say I have a busy day with a lot to do, but then you have to hide in the house. What if I just want to relax in my own pool without company? Should I let them come swim if I am home?

I have children, too, but they are school age, and when they are in school or at friend's houses, I really don't want to be bothered!!!

Answer 1

You are being taken advantage of. I would say something along the lines of "Yes, I'm busy today, I'm going to simply relax ALONE by the pool. It's nice of you to want to keep me company, but with my kids back in school now, I can relax and not worry about my tan lines."

Then say something like "I enjoy having you and your children over, and when I have a free day, I'll let you know a couple of days in advance!"
That should get the message across, that it will be YOU who makes the rules for what days they visit, while still being nice.
STICK TO YOUR GUNS! You should NOT have to hide from your neighbors and you should not have to entertain when you do not want to!

Answer 2

Okay I have a crazy neighbor as well. You just have to be honest and I know that sounds like the most horrible thing in the world. I had such a hard time telling my neighbor the truth about our situation, but it helped in the long run. I mean its your pool! And if your kids are gone then you should be able to enjoy the peace and quiet in your own pool. You should be able to be nude or whatever you want. You are not being rude, if anything your neighbor is being a rude person. Especially bringing her kids over. I have a little boy and I love him but I would not impose him on a neighbor. Just be honest with her and it will get better. Worst case scenario is that you piss her off and she doesn't want to come back:) Good luck!

Answer 3

I think it's very rude, unless you're very close with them and consider them your "best friends." A swimming pool is a HUGE liability, and even if they were right there supervising their kids and something (God forbid) happened to one of them, you could still be held accountable since it's your pool.

From now on when they call and ask this, tell them that you just put chemicals in it and it's unsafe for swimming for a while. The only drawback to doing this is that you won't be able to swim in it yourself, which isn't right.

If I were you, I'd say something like, "Well, Bob, I was planning on enjoying some peace and quiet by myself at the pool for a while, and I'm really not up to company right now. Maybe next time." Just tell them this every time they call and eventually (hopefully!) they'll get the hint.

Answer 4

If you have anything the other person wants, they will try to manipulate you to get it unless the boundary is firm and clear. Set a firm "No that's not possible as our place and pool are private, and we enjoy it that way." The word will get out. Great!
Repeat "No" until they get it. Don't even leave the door open a crack or these users will bust it down, and will be wading in your pool water. Give them the cold shoulder when you see them. If you smile too much, they'll think you're good friend and the invite is on!

Answer 5

Good heavens. I assume this neighbor is NOT one of your dearest and best-beloved friends, where you'd be comfortable in being quite direct with them. This person has considerable nerve!
Cut them off, politely but coolly. "I'm going to be swimming, but I want to be alone. Try the public pool over at ____." Repeat as needed.
"Oh, but your pool is nicer!" "Thank you. But I want to enjoy it by myself right now. I think you'll like the _____ pool, and hope you have a good time. Bye!
"You're so UNFRIENDLY. Why won't you share?" "I don't want the liability risk, even if you come over and supervise. You will not able to use my pool anymore. I can't afford it."
"The kids will be so DISAPPOINTED. I already TOLD them they could....." "You're going to have to tell them you made a mistake, and they can't swim here. Try ____ pool, or maybe you all can see a movie. Have a nice day, now. I have to go."
Give an inch, take a mile. You are NOT being rude in wanting the use of your own property, and you are not obligated to share your goodies. It's "nice" if you CHOOSE to do so, but the operative word here is "choose".

Answer 6

Maybe you should ask the next time - since you enjoy the pool so much, have you considered getting one yourself? Depending on how they answer, I think you might be able to take them down a path of realizing they are an imposition. And you are not there to cater to them. Yes, they are incredibly rude by the way. I could see asking once in a blue moon or in incredible heat, but to assume there is an open invitation is not right. Or at least leaving it at "We'd love to come over and swim sometime" and letting you decide when you would like to be gracious.

Answer 7

If the people are on your property with your permission, you are responsible and liable for anything that happens. If you are not willing to accept the liability, don't allow them to come over.

On a personal level, it sounds like your neighbors are trying to take advantage of you a little bit. Or maybe in the past you said something like, "Come and swim anytime!" Perhaps you could discuss with your neighbors if you feel uncomfortable with how much they use your pool. Any time they call, you are free to say, "I'd rather not have you over right now." You don't need to offer an excuse.

Answer 8

That's very rude of them. You're PRIVATE pool is not public property and they should know that. I wouldl tell them how you feel and if they are offended then let it be. They are obviously not very respectful of your time and property so I would not consider it much of a loss. There is no law that says if you have a private pool you have to share it with the neighborhood.

There is a saying that if you loan a "friend" $20 and never see that person again, then it was worth it.

Answer 9

You have some horrible neighbors! That is the epitome of rude.

But, I can help you!

Try this.

Call them up...assuming there is a mother or adult doing the asking and say this, "Can I send my kids over to your house all day so I can relax by myself in my pool?" "I'm thinking of taking my top off, too"

They will think of an excuse not to.

Next time they ask say, "Sure, I hope they know what breasts look like!"

Answer 10

Never lie or hide:very politely you tell them that no one can assume that having a pool means you want have company all the time> If you like having them sometimes you'll let them know.
Never allow them if you don't want, don't forget you might be responsible if something happens.