serious prob. with boyfriend not understanding what i gave up for him?

Question

i left my country, my family, my kids. i am now divorced and my husband got custody :( , i gues coz i wasnt there and couldnt get a lawyer. i love him so much, but he gets upset, sometimes mad when i am depressed, when i cry..i dont understand. we talked for years on yahoo before we met. he is everything i want, but its like he has this wall up when it comes to serious stuff. i feel so bad, so depressed, i need him so much. i dont know what to do. someone help me. leave your id if you want to chat and help, thanks

Answer 1

Well that's what you get when you put a man before your kids...It's called Karma.

Answer 2

I have got to say you should never put yourself in a position that you need someone. Where has your independance and girl power gone?!

Seek the support you need from home with a group or one to one help. Men never understand and he will never understand how you feel loosing custody and all you have been through, and even if he had gone through it people handle things in different ways.

he is proberly feeling that he has lost the person that he fell in love with, especially as you have been depressed. The man you love is still there he just does not know how to act around you as you seem different to him. Also you diod not give your old life up for him, it was for you, you can never blame anybody for the decisions you make.
Get your independance and confidence back, find out who you really are instead of a full time Mum, what intrests you. get some fun in your life together.
It is only you that can sort this as we should never be relinat on anyone.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I think the problem is with you. You chose to leave your life behind and take a risk on a new life with your boyfriend. You did not give up these things for him you gave them up out of a selfish need to follow your heart - you cannot blame him for this. I can understand that you are upset about leaving your kids but you made that choice and now you have to live with it and it isn't fair to try to bring your boyfriend down with you. Of course he gets angry - you are trying to pin the blame on him saying 'look at what I did for you, now you do something for me' but love isn't like that. Now I think you are paying the price for not thinking through your actions carefully enough - you fell in love and nothing thing else seemed to matter. Now that falling in love has turned into real life and the drama is over leaving just the guilt and the sorrow you want your boyfreind to show how much he loves you again to make you feel you did the right thing. Time to grow up I think.

Answer 4

Chatting online is obviously a lot different to when u meet the person in real life, one thing for sure is that no man is worth leaving your children for and this is not to make u feel bad. It is natural to be depressed as you dont have your children with you but what ties did he have in his country that he could not have come to you? are you able to have your children come and stay with you for holidays? how would he feel about this? are you in contact with your children?(that should be maintained regardless) I think you need to discuss with your partner how far he wants this realtionship to go and his expectations from you, he needs to know that you will have to have a relationship with your children despite you being with him and also that he also needs to learn to open up as if he cant/wont then your relationship wont last. Try to be positive, try finding a job or something worthwhile to keep you busy and build your self esteem dont be dependent on this man regardless of how you feel for him....get yourself into a position where you can manage by yourself if you ever need to

Answer 5

chick you should never have given up your kids for this man and if he truely loved you he would not have wanted you to give your kids up either. Fair enough if you are not happy with your husband leave him but to give up EVERYTHING thats too much as you are finding out now, that is why you are soo depressed. You are TOO dependant on this man it sounds like you live purely for this man and thats not healthy and will only destroy your relationship with him. Maybe you do not know this man after all you say you met him online at Yahoo, I am always wary of meeting people online you never really know who you are talking to and people get too easily fooled as you have been fooled. This man let you give up everything for him and now he is giving nothing in return not even his heart by the sounds of things. My advice would be to get help for your depression because once you have learnt to live with that and have a handle on it you will be able to see this situation for what it really is - a mess I would advise that you get back in contact with your husband if you are not and build a relationship back up with your kids, they are the most important people in your life not this man remember that. And I would say to get out of the relationship but I know that is not even an option to you at the moment because you are soo depressed and dependant on him but I'm sure that will come in time. good luck. Don't listen to the people on here that slate you some of them are so holier than thou. Everyone makes mistakes some are just bigger then others chick. x

Answer 6

there is a book that will really help called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"
basically the problem is your boyfriend doesn't know HOW to help you when you are depressed, and it is unfair of you to ask him for something he can't do.
i hope you can find a way to love yourself, be good to yourself. find a way to help other people in your community, that always helps bring your own problems into balance. write to your children on the net or by postal mail.
and get the book if you can. i feel sure the 2 of you can work it out, but remember you can't change him, you can only change
yourself.
And, as Billy Graham used to say, "You can't unscramble eggs."

Answer 7

Now is not the time to start thinking of yourself....shame on you! You should have thought of your kids and your husband before you let some sweet talking man ruien your marriage and your kids life! stop feeling sorry for yourself and think about how you can get back in your childrens life.

Answer 8

You cannot get to know a person on the Internet; some people are not prepared to have a serious relationship with you if you have "baggage" (and I do not mean anything bad). Maybe your situation is overwhelming to him.

Answer 9

The clue is in your NEED....You are not in love if you need someone. Please try not to set conditions. Conditions set by either partner leads to all sorts of clashes.
I dont like the sound of this.....I would strongly advise getting out of this relationship. You have made it ubundantly clear to him that you are needy. NO MAN CAN STAND THAT.

Answer 10

Well sorry to say this but haven't you heard "The grass isn't greener on the other side". You have to take the bitter with the sweet! And what type of woman are you to abandon your children for ANY reason.............................that is just despicable in my book! I just say you need to focus on how you can make it right in your children's book before they get older and resent you and write you off!

Answer 11

He sounds like a selfish PIG. How could you leave you children? No man is more important than your babies. I will gladly talk to you via email. My email address is the same as my name here.