Ok, I got out of a 7 year relationship about 5 months ago. Its still pretty painful to think about. Id say the split was about 70/30 mutual. The 70% being on her end.
We were more friends than anything. Well, we were the best of friends and it hurts that we are no longer a couple. I guess I feel "replaced" because she is seeing someone else now and seems happy. Dont get me wrong, I want her to be happy.
I really want to keep our friendship and I know she wants the same. Everyone is telling me to just let it go and not talk to her anymore but Im not sure thats the best idea. Thats why im here asking strangers.
Ugh, any advice?
2006-08-22 02:56:39 · 29 answers · asked by chuckdiesel99 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thank you all for the sincere comments.
2006-08-22 03:33:12 · update #1
You need time to heal. The friends part may come back....but not for a while...........
Good Luck!
2006-08-22 03:09:52 · answer #1 · answered by tallerfella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. I would like to say that I feel really sorry for you right now. I know how it can feel. I've been through some very rough waters.
My advice would be just to let some time go by, I can tell you that it will take some time before you can be ok. But don't listen to those who say that you should just let it go and not talk to her, she was your best friend for so long, just because the relationship isn't there doesn't mean that the friendship can't be either. You just need some time to heal and then you will be ok, but don't try to get into a relationship just to try to forget her, because that won't work. Try to be honestly happy for her, and I can guarantee you that she misses you and thinks about you every day as well, and I am sure that there are many moments in her day when she wishes she could call you and share something with you. Don't give up on your friendship with her, true friends don't come around too often! Good luck!
2006-08-22 03:13:19 · answer #2 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you wounded each other and the relationship is irreparable, why not be friends? Sometimes lovers grow apart but can still communicate. You don't spend 7 years with someone and just forget that they were in your life. If the split was a mutual parting of the ways and you're both amicable to having a friendship, there's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping that part of the relationship alive. You never know when you'll need to have a friend, and true ones are rare.
2006-08-22 03:17:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like you are really in pain. My best friend recently went through a similar situation. She and her boyfriend were seriously considering marriage and then they had a serious falling out. They realized that they could not be together any more. They were both very hurt and rejected. She made it a point to not let the friendship go. She called him and called him and called him. She let him know that she was done with him as a boyfriend but still needed him with his friendship. They still have many awkward situations but they have the close friendship that was refined by the pain. As long as there is a serious conversation about not falling back into dating (they made the mistake at the beginning of the process), I say, "Stick it out. You've poured 7 years into her. But don't pass the friendship line. It's just plain trouble."
2006-08-22 03:13:17 · answer #4 · answered by JB 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what feels right for you, but also try getting on with your own life, 7 years is a long time to be with someone, you say that you were friends more than anything maybe the reason you feeling bad is because you are no longer in that comfort zone....after 7 years you have settled into a routine and you are used to her being there, are you in love with her? do you feel the same for her now as when you first got together? did you ever see yourself married to her and having children? you can still be best friends without being a couple
2006-08-22 03:10:50 · answer #5 · answered by felicitym2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keeping the friendship thing going is definitely not a good idea. The thing is that you will be wishing that you guys are still together and subconcously you will be making moves on her. So forget about the whole thing and move on. Hopefully you will have learned something from this experience. Moving on won't be easy but it is a battle that you are going to have to make in order to become stronger for the next beautiful relationship in the future. So best of luck amigo.
2006-08-22 03:05:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not a thing in the world wrong with being friends! My ex-husband (and his wife) are still friends and get along great! We don't see each other often because they live in a different town now, but when we do see each other, hugs are passed around as are smiles and laughs.
I think its great if you can maintain a friendship. Don't worry about what others think, you gotta do what's best for you!
2006-08-22 03:13:21 · answer #7 · answered by geniec67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stay friends if it is important to you.However you should allow some time for yourself 1st so maybe what you should do is take it easy at 1st maybe call or see her only 1-2times a month until you feel you can handle being around more than that. You definitely don't want to stop being a part of her life because I think the suspense will KILL you.
2006-08-22 03:07:43 · answer #8 · answered by pilar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to know what you really want in the first place. because breaking up in a long term relationship wouldn't be that easy. also it's very lame if you push yourself to friendship thing, i mean, things wouldn't be ever the same if you both said "it's DONE!" for now just go with it, don't hurry up things. if you guys are best friends, it will happen. you can talk to her but like normal friends, and try to engage yourself to anything that would help you forget.
just remember, to get even with her wouldn't be the solution to your problem. be happy, and enjoy. time will come everything will be fine, will be alright!!
2006-08-22 03:15:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be able to be friends later on down the line, but not right now. Your pain is still fresh and you won't be able to be a good friend. I say leave her alone for now. Don't call or drop by. Focus on healing and being happy yourself. Then, when you're good, contact her, but don't think it will be all rosy. Things like this are not easy.
2006-08-22 03:03:32 · answer #10 · answered by Hpnotiq 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need a break from one another so you can get over it. It's not going to do any good to keep talking to one another while the breakup is still so fresh...especially since she already seems to have moved on.
After awhile without her, you'll get over it and after that, you can build up your friendship again. This will only work if you are COMPLETELY over her, if you're like 90% over it, then there's a chance you'll fall for her again which is a bad.
2006-08-22 03:03:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋