Is it just me, or is this very poor etiquette? Should I say something?

Question

We had friends over this weekend, and they have a three year old child. Since they came, we have noticed a horrible smell in a wing of our house, and we could not figure out what it was until this morning. In a little used bathroom of our house, off of a guest room, they apparently threw an unwrapped Pull Up with feces in it into our wicker wastebasket! I thought this was really trashy and rude, and felt as if they should have asked for a bag to tie it up in and thrown it in the outside garbage, or atleast asked me where to put it! It wasn't even folded in on itself, and there is even poop all over the wicker of my wastebasket. I had to throw it away. I would never have suspeted, and didn't even know their child wasn't potty trained. I never did this when my four children were young, and I am just disgusted. Do I mention it to them so it doesn't happen again, and how?

Also, I am a little puzzled as to why they were in our guest bedroom and bathroom, as they were just there for dinner.

Answer 1

It could have been the child - he/she is definitely old enough to have done that. It certainly is disgusting, but if they are truly your friends you should be able to find a way to mention it to the mother. Try it in a humorous way (though I know you are hardly amused) and see how she responds. It makes me shudder to think either of my kids could have gotten to 3 without being potty trained - maybe she needs help with that too. Good luck!

Answer 2

If it was the parents that did it then yes, it's quite rude, regardless of where you're from. Most people I know travel with disposable bags, just for that very reason.

And even if they didn't think to have any with them and didn't think to ask and didn't think that their kid might need to change a diaper, they should have known to at least roll up the diaper afterwards to minimize any mess from escaping into surrounding territory.

My guess is that the little one may have pulled it off and put it there. Look for other telltale signs of the mess. I'm thinking unless those parents (with at least three years experience) are totally clueless, that there was just an accident somewhere and they tried to clean it up best they could without telling you.

But then again, I know some clueless people too!

Don't make a scene, but next time they're over. You can just casually mention, "oh, here's some grocery bags that you can use in case you need any for little _____" and then continue right into "speaking of which, he/she's growing so fast!"

Answer 3

Yup...gross and disrespectful to you for sure. Say something? I think it depends on the relationship you have with them...obviously if you are really close you can just make a joke about the dirty diaper and in that way get them to say what they were thinking...there is a chance that it was an honest mistake...not a mistake per se but maybe they didn't know it was not just a garbage can...you can let them know you'd like them to dispose of them in an outside garbage next time...

of course you let them know you're not mad...accept some responsibility for not anticipating the need to have a proper disposal for soiled diapers...I'm sure with effective open communication the problem won't be repeated.

On the other hand if they're not super good friends then I would chalk it up to a lesson learned and only say something if they come back and stay again with the young one...

The thing to remember is to be honest and kind...but no matter what don't allow negative situations to repeat themselves because you're too afraid to make someone mad by saying something...

Answer 4

First of all, EW EW EWWWW!!! Its been a while since my kids were potty trained and I had to deal with that stuff... however, I believe that if they returned to my house I would mentioned something to them. Its just figuring out in what manner to do it that has me puzzled. If you could figure out when they were heading to the bathroom, and they returned you could say something like "if you need to dispose of anything the trash bin is outside the garage (or whatever)" without offending them. I am not sure calling them on it now is a good idea. Its totally disgusting that they didn't have the decency to ask for proper disposal of the item to begin with. I guess I was just extra cautious when my children were going thru that, not only did I bring a bag to put it in, but I asked where I could dispose of it. Once I had someone tell me to take it home with me... OH YUCK, but I did!

You know your friends better then me, imagine if roles were reversed... and try that out for it.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

That is VERY strange. I normally don't take my children to the house of friends who don't have kids, but in the event that I do, I usually ask where I can put a poopy diaper. Normally they'll say outside in the big garbage can, or to just wrap it up well and throw it in the kitchen trash, because they're getting ready to take it out soon anyway.

I think what your "friends" did was horrible! If they have a 3 year old, they've probably changed their fair share of poopy diapers/training pants, and they KNOW how badly they stink. They really should have asked.

If they come over again, tell them (if you see them taking their child to change his/her diaper or training pants) to please bring the soiled one (even if it's only wet) downstairs and place it in the trash--don't leave it upstairs...again. Be polite about it, but word it so that they KNOW you mean business.

Answer 6

I don't know why your puzzled that they were in your guest bedroom and bath, they were guests regardless of how long they stayed. Of course if you had directed them to another bathroom then that's another story.
You would be just as rude to bring it up to them as they were to leave it. Assuming the child did not do it. I would recommend leave out things like baggies and try LINING your trash cans with plastic bags. And it's always a good idea to go over the house when a small child has been present and out of your sight.

Answer 7

Yes, that is gross. I think you should mention it to them, but don't be rude about it. Try not to embarrass them, just tell them why you thought it was inappropriate. They could have at least wrapped up the diaper, and like you said, asked for a bag, or whatever. To trash your expensive wicker basket is very rude, she should have been considerate to your stuff. Good luck.

Answer 8

Honey, you're in a very difficult position, and regardless of whether they were close or casual friends, touching the topic of a CHILD is very delicate. What I would do is NOT touch the topic, but next time they are over, when they come in remind them that if their "baby needs something" or "if you need something for the baby", to let you know. Hopefully, they'll take the hint and make you aware of when the little brat needs to take a crap.

How utterly disgusting, and sorry to had to go through it!

Answer 9

Yes you should say something. You could say something like "If you need some plastic bags to put Little Johnny's dirty/wet pull ups in they are under the bathroom sink. And let me know if you need them put out back in the trash." I mean be suttle about it but let them know that is not something you want sitting in the trash in the house to stink it up...

If they get offended tell them you had to throw out your basket as it had poop all over it...

Also "Little Johnny" may have did it himself knowing he would get in trouble for making a mess & not going to the bathroom. So that is something to consider as well...

Answer 10

That stinks in more ways than one. I wouldn't invite them again until the kid is trained.
Perhaps this is a one-off. They thought kid was almost trained. If it was my kid, I would have flushed the biosolids and brought plastic bags for the other mess. Next time put a liner in the basket. You never know what people will toss.