Does anyone have advice for someone who wants to start taking interest BDSM, and master/slave relationsips?

Question

I'm really inexpierianced, does anyone on this section have any advice for me, or websites that have useful reading.

I know master/slave relationships arn't about the sex, and I'm worried about starting one since I'm so new at it.

If you're not going to help me, and you're only going to say something so ******* stupid, click the ******* back button. I'm a sick person for being sexual.

Answer 1

Start reading about it, if you haven't done so yet. Here are some links and articles:
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/bdsmi...

Try the FetishScene for links to clubs in your area...
http://www.fetishscene.com/

The following four sites specialize in BDSM related personals and some have online info too:
http://www.alt.com
http://www.bdsmdatelink.com/
http://www.bondage.com
http://www.collarme.com

Good luck!

Answer 2

For an intro, check out the movie 9 1/2 weeks. (I can't remember the character's names, so I'll call them Mickey and Kim.) While he didn't go BDSM from the start, Mickey established dominance and brought Kim to places both physical and sexual she hadn't been before, but enjoyed immensely.

It's kinda the same thing as regular vanilla sex--you touch someone, see how they react, if it turns them off-stop going there (and figure out why they were turned off if you can), if it turns them on, figure out why and repeat with variety. In BDSM, it's a lot more about attitude and command, and is more often about verbal and non-verbal communication than inflicting and receiving pain. It's scary because the relationship ends up more all-or-nothing: she's either going to have you be her master, or she isn't--there is no negotiation.

I usually don't go that route in a relationship, I prefer mostly vanilla with some light S&M play, but when you find a woman who's just dying to be your slave--make it happen. Take her someplace amazing that she would have never gone to herself. That's half the idea--I'm still figuring out the rest.

Answer 3

Inexperience is nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone starts somewhere.

Stating that you are interested in Master/slave (M/s) relationships, the first piece of advice is to not pay too much heed to what you see on the Internet, especially if its a story site. Usually those are exaggerated for effect. There are some decent sites out there, but I'll say that what works for one couple does not necessarily hold true for another.

The best thing that you can do is to get in touch with a nearby BDSM group. Most sizable cities will have one or more groups, and you can usually find contact information through a search. Once you locate a group, start going to their munches, which are meetings usually in restaurants where people in the lifestyle come together for socialising. You should then introduce yourself and tell them what you like, what you don't like, and what you do next. Most people who go to munches will be more than happy to discuss things with you in a friendly way.

Don't go expecting to find someone to start a relationship with on the first meeting. Keep in mind that the most important part of a M/s relationship is the relationship. Whether they be in the lifestyle or vanilla, relationships have to be cultivated.

Once you get into a relationship, don't immediately go into full-blown mode. BDSM is ultimately about trust, even more so than vanilla relationships. If you are looking to be a Dominant, someone will be placing a lot of responsibility upon you. Likewise, if you are looking to be a submissive, you are surrendering a lot of control over your own decisions to someone else. These are commitments to be taken seriously.

Remember that the most important thing about BDSM is that it is for fun. It has to be something that you and your partner have to get fulfillment out of. You should know what your limits are and not be afraid to stand up for them.

I wish you well as you enter this brave new world.

Answer 4

Greenery Press has a number of excellent books on BDSM and on power exchange relationships. There are two books I would recommend to anyone interested in BDSM -- SM 101 by Jay Wiseman and Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon.

As someone already mentioned, one of the best ways to get started is to contact a local group like TES in New York or Black Rose in DC. Many times the groups will have separate meetings where you can ask questions and get good, considered answers. Black Rose, at least, really prefers you attend at least one of their Gateway meetings prior to attending any parties just so you don't go in cold.

Take your time. You're going to come across some things within yourself you never thought were there. It'll be scary but it can be a lot of fun. Good luck.

Answer 5

I know alot of the "swinger" groups have ppl who are looking for that type of thing.
My best advice is if you do find someone who is willing to help you , be honest with them that you are new at it,, and aren't sure what to expect and don't ever agree to be with someone who isn't willing to respect that. Yes there are rules ( spoken and unspoken) in this life style but mutral respect is a huge part of it.

Good luck

Answer 6

Just Google stuff like BDSM/Bondage etc. Zillion sites should be listed prolly. There's nothing wrong with it as long both partners consent and have similar interests. Enjoy.

Answer 7

There are other alternatives such as dom/sub that you might want to start out with.

Answer 8

while your girlfriend is asleep, give her a cleveland steamer. if she likes it, yer good to go. if she freaks and calls the cops.....well i think they like bondage in the slam :)

Answer 9

keep it in your head it is safer that why

Answer 10

i think its wrong.