My boyfriend loves me but still sees his Ex sometimes - should I be worried as she's a psycho?

Question

My boyfriend is still friends with his ex. They went out for only 4 months and most of it was bad as shes unstable and has many emotional issues. She relies on him too much despite having a new partner. I know he loves me and I trust him but I'm still feeling uncomfortable about his friendship with her. I feel she still wants to be with him and makes him feel guilty to spend time with her. What can I say as its his decision who to be friends with? Is this my issue to deal with? He doesn't see anything wrong with going on holiday with her and even sharing a room with her as they are just friends but I don't think she sees it that way. I told him I felt weird about their friendship and he's said I shouldn't worry and he will distance himself from her especially as things are progressing well between us. So why do I still feel funny about it?

Answer 1

If he said he is going to distance himself from her and that things will progress between you maybe you should take him at his word and start having more faith in him. He could be worried that if he stops seeing her once in a while, since she is emotionally unstable she might retaliate in some way and he's afraid of what she will do...you might ask him about that. Of course this would bother you, that's normal. She shouldn't still be relying on him and he should tell her that, especially if she has a new partner. She should be relying on him. I think your b/f needs to have a long talk with her....good luck

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with him being friends and supporting her through her emotional issues, she more than likely needs professional help in some way if she is that unstable. Your boyfreind has re-assured you that he wants you and you are right its his decision who he chooses to be friends with, however going on holiday with her and sharing a room is not a good way of starting to distance himself. You have every right to be uncomfortable, I suggest offering to go on this holiday also, not because you dont trust him, simply because its also an opportunity for both of you to get away for a while also, you pay your way, both of you share a room, she has her own room and she can bring her new partner with her if she desires...get your boyfriend to make it plain that whilst he is willing to keep her company during the day (make sure that you are present too sometimes) the night is all his.

Answer 3

Here's something to think about, if she is as unstable as you say she is, wouldn't an immediate withdrawal of friendship cause her to do something quite suicidal? I do understand your need to feel reassured that your boyfriend will not be unfaithful or lie to you, but you know that with her, lying or cheating is nothing. She would most probably do anything to have him. However, he cannot just walk away, but he can limit his time/and or cut out situations between the both of them to make it a cut and dry friendship, to let her know that he is with you, and not with her. She might be getting mixed signals. You feel funny about it because you don't like the whole situation entirely, you want to confront him about it, but because that is his friend, you consider that his territory. You wouldn't like it if he was saying something about a friend of yours, or wanted you to spend less time with a male friend. Even though you know that you wasn't doing anything wrong, men know men, and women know women, and we all know which type is capable of what. So because she is a woman, you automatically have those hairs raised on the back of your neck. I am the same, the girl who brought me and my husband together was in love with him. Me and her, and her and him were friends, me and my husband just never met until she brought him over. Funny, you say? She wanted him to reject me, I found that out later through friends. She loved him, and when we were together she made me pay, always saying stuff, and never letting us enjoy each other. So, I told my hunny, and he said that we shouldn't hang around there no more. We stopped staying over there on the weekends, and since then, nothing has been the same. Even though she was both of our friend, she became toxic. That is why I think that he is stalling. He is either buying time so that he can end it or somewhat limit the friendship, or he really don't know what to do about it. Maybe a right time hasn't come up. Or you can probably help him out, when there are holidays or sleepovers, why don't you go along? Let her know, (through you) that he is with you. You might do a great deal helping him, and woman to woman, settle this thing out. You probably won't even have to say anything to her, she might just get the picture by seeing you two together. That is just a suggestion though....I hope that I have helped ya!

Answer 4

You should feel funny. He is wrong to be spending so much time with his ex. You should try to find out how her new bf feels if possible. He may very well have a problem with it also. Maybe you two can put your heads together and come up with some way for it to stop. You are putting up with way more than you should. She should be relying on her new bf for the support she is getting from her ex.

Answer 5

If you trust him and he tells you nothing is wrong, why stress yourself??? they are not together for a reason, correct???
i went thru a similar situation with my fiancee and his ex girlfriend. they were together for 4 yeras and he raised HER son as if he was his. she knew he had a new girlfriend and didn't pay much mind to it, but the minute she found out we got engaged and are getting married, she began to make my life a living hell!!! calling him at all times of day, telling him that her son was sick so that he would rush to her house, calling me names, doing stupid childish things to get us to be mad at each other. i can't blame her for being mad at me though hahahahaha She is 32, i am 23 (he is 35) i have a college education, my own car, a good job, my own place, where she barely got her GED recently, lives in the projects and can't keep a job. not to put anyone down, but it's a reality she is going to have to accept!!! she's even more pissed off because the whole time they were together, he never proposed to her or had any plans of marriage.... there comes a 23 year old and changed all that.
i love this man, but i also dont like the fact that ehy have a "friendship" still..... some things are better left in the past, but men will be men!!! they are hard headed and stubburn.
all i can tell you is to sit him down and tell him honestly how you feel and what you would like to see change. things seem to be going very well for you guys and it would suck for HIM to allow someone to come inbetween of what you guys have.....
i hope i was able to help.....
if you wanna chit chat, feel free to email me
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Answer 6

You feel funny about it cuz you're afraid of how deep his obligations to her really are. Now the going on holiday together and sleeping in the same room thing is big enough to squak about. But, chances are he knows she is unstable and that it would be too hard to carry on a relationship with someone like her. It may even remind him how great your relationship with him is by being around her. I think it's perfectly alright that they are still friends, but put your foot down somewhere! Seperate rooms please! And if he takes her somewhere then he had better take you somewhere twice as nice!

Answer 7

The man I love has been seeing his "friend" for the years we've been together. I've stayed with him as he's told me that it was going to be over he just needed time to break away from her to not hurt her. He too says he loves me. That I'm the love of his life and he can't see life without me. Yesterday, I told him it was time for him to make a choice. Or at least give me a time limit as to when this will be resolved. He got his bags and left me sitting on the couch crying.

Honey, I hope your man makes you the choice. I would not anyone to feel what I feel. All I want is for him to come sweep me up in his arms and for her to be out of his life....

Answer 8

Hunny no man thats been dating a girl for 4 month is only friends with her. they are still having sex. if a guy dont want to be with u expecially is she is psycho he would say there the door see you. he would not stick around. and thats not me speaking that my husband. but if in 1 in a million chance he is just her FRIEND then I would be saying see you later. you dont need that. Imsure you can find someone that wants you and only you. spends his time with you and not his ex's. na thats not cool. how would he feel if you were spending time with your ex's as much as he does. he wopuld probly say see ya later. But maybe I am wrong.

Answer 9

If he goes on vacation with her and shares a room this sort of sounds like the Bates Motel to me. You might find an older, wiser person to discuss this situation with and look at your options. It makes me feel uncomfortable for your sake as this just doesn't feel normal.

Answer 10

It's totally unacceptable for your man to still be hanging out with his ex, ESPECIALLY if he knows you don't like it.

She probably is trying to weasel her way back in and if she's the conniving psycho you said she was, i'd put a tight leash on my man ASAP.

You can trust your man, I suppose.. But UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU TRUST THAT TRAMP.

: )