I am not happy in my life, but feel that I have no choices left. Two kids, married, responsible. suggestions?

Question

I have been doing the "right thing" my whole life, working hard, to "live", being a "good girl" but now, at 40 I find myself sad when I am home and happiest away, other than missing my kids. However, they drive me crazy often with screaming and so forth. I am lost in my life.

Answer 1

I think everyone feels this way at points in their life, I know I do. The grass always looks greener on the other side, everybody else is having fun and living it up. Do you always feel this way, or just sometimes? I would start by having a girls night out each week if possible. That way you can sow some of your wild oats. Who knows, maybe that will make the rest of the week better for you.
Maybe you need to find a hobby to occupy your time during the week as well. Maybe if you had something to look forward to, everything else wouldn't be so bad. Be sure to enjoy your kids though, they are only young once. You don't want to miss the years when they are kids. If these things don't work, I highly suggest you start seeing a counselor to find the root of your problems.

Answer 2

You don't say how old your kids are, or what your marriage is like so this is a shot in the dark. There is such a thing as being too responsible, being too involved in every-body's lives. It can even get to the point that you're what's called co-dependent which means, among other things, that you lose your own identity and rely on family members to tell what you're feeling. You might first try simply doing something strictly for yourself. Make whatever arrangements you have to to see that the younguns are taken care of and join a gym, or a book club, do charity work, but get out of the house a few afternoons a week. If a little dust accumulates, or the dishes don't get done immediately, so what. If that doesn't work, go check out an organization called Ala non. They deal specifically with co-dependency, usually for spouses of alcoholics and addicts, but those are not the only people who fall victim to the malady. You can even be suffering from a mild form of clinical depression. You may want Io consult with you doctor. Be forthcoming, tell him what's going on and let him decide whether you would benefit from antidepressant's. Anyway, there's no sense in sitting around miserable, break the pattern and see what happens. All the best.

Answer 3

We always hear "happiness is a choice" and to tell the truth that is a correct statement. I find in my own life with 4 children and a husband that the days when I look at the things I have to do and the things I don't have in a negative way, that is normally when I feel I am not happy with life. But when I think about the good things then I am a much happier person.
And being a Christian when I am not praying and reading God's word I have a tendency to be all the more so.
The Bible says as a man thinks so goes his life. If you think unhappy thought you will be unhappy.
And you are 40. At 40 we think that our lives are over and look back at the thing we haven't done yet instead of looking at the future and what lies ahead. It sounds like you may be having a mid life crisis 10 years early.

Answer 4

I too know this feeling well.

Until late last year I thought I was happily married. I too have 2 kids. Then we started fighting, it got worse and worse, and then we ended up getting divorced.
I must say that my story has a happy ending at least as my ex & I are now engaged... AGAIN!!!

You have to decide for yourself. Are you still in love with him?? Is he still in love with you?? Are you prepared to perhaps lose your kids??

Why don't you find a babysitter for a week or a weekend, go away alone together somewhere, relax, talk to him, tell him how you feel. Explain what's happening.
I don't know why you feel this way, so I can't give you as accurate an answer as I would like, But communication is a good thing. Talk to him. Try it. He might be more understanding than you think. Maybe he feels the same.
It is your life, and you are free to do what you want. But I would say, consider your family, try and talk about it, try work things out if you can. Go out together more, do fun things. Being cooped up in the house all day can be frustrating... but try what I suggest...

Remember : Regret comes too late!!!

Answer 5

you have choices and you are able to be the wonderful mother and wife you are.
you need to look at life another way.
if the kids are older and you don't work start. make it a fun job.
split up the work everyone gets at least two jobs to do at home. wash cloths on week days only want 8 sets of cloths per person a week. two loads a day tell done. at least once a month a weekend no kids. fun only. let the kids sleep over at Friends or family you trust once a month. do fun things with the family once a month.
you say no time but all the work is split up the hole family should get more time if they do there part.
and everyone in bed at nine on school days. after nine is your time.
get the family together explain the changes and why they are needed no kid wants to see the parents up set or mad. yet they must understand this will save mom and dad and your marriage.

one more thing family always eat together at the table. if possible and funds permit eat out or make simple dinners to cut down on kitchen clean up,not cooking saves time and money .
good luck hope it helps out.

Answer 6

It can be very overwhelming especially by the end of summer when your kids are home all the time. I'm assuming they may be in school but you didn't mention their ages. I have two kids also 3 and 8 and the arguing and fighting gets on my nerves too. It helps me to go to the gym and let them go in the playroom and do their thing while I do mine. There never seems to be enough money, time, etc. with all you have to do. I also think that maybe you should see your doctor because it sounds like you could be depressed too and medication could do a lot for you. Just know that although it feels like you're alone their are plenty of people in the same situation and maybe you could get to expand your social circle in some way which would make it less isolating.

Answer 7

Honey, join the group. Keep doing the right thing. Your time of enjoyment will come sooner or later. My kid is 7 years old and I am 42 with a husband that keeps changing jobs all the time which adds plenty of stress to my life. Find something you like to do. In my case exercise is my thing and also going to the beach. Get some friends and go to the movies or theater. Do not despair, instead find something that will comfort you.

Answer 8

hi,i just want to say a few words to try to encourage you.i have been there where you are right now.i felt like i existed for everybody else needs and all the while my own were never meet.i turned to someone else someone that made me feel special.it was the wrong thing to do.i realized it after i had already done it that only added to my problems.i finally got straighting out and finally turned to god.i pro mice you that was the best thing that i ever did.i felt so much happiness in my life i could not have been any happier .I'm not saying that all my problems left but they seemed to get easier.my husband started going to church with me and our lives just seemed to change before our eyes.that has been 16 years old. and i am still happy.there has been some bad times but the good out way the bad.i hope that you can find yourself and your happiness give god a chance.god bless you as he has blessed me.

Answer 9

It sounds like the 'two kids, married, responsible' statement is something you worked hard to attain. It also sounds like you've spent a lot of time worrying about the care, feeding and nurturing of others. Though you don't want to run away and never come back, it sounds like there's a really important person whose care, feeding and nurturing you've ignored, and that person is YOU! You know, there's an old saying that "Parents who take care of themselves make better parents." Take it to heart. If you get your rest, get out and about, pursue something you enjoy, take time to nurture yourself and allow yourself to feel love for yourself, I assure you things will get much better very quickly! Start small, but do start thinking about ways you can nurture yourself the way you want your children and others in your life to be nurtured. Each little thing you do will be a reward in itself, and it will lead to more good feelings, more relaxed parenting, and just an all-around better life in the long run!

Answer 10

We have all been there, my friend. Someday when they are teenagers and finding bigger ways to get into trouble, you will look back and WISH they were only fighting under the kitchen table. I raised 3 children under the age of 3 years by myself. (Their dad left and we divorced) I made the decision to never remarry and rarely dated. Today I have no regrets and the best adult children ever!!!
One of my adult daughters at age 37 felt like you are feeling, so she started new hobbies.....working out 3 times a week at the gym, learned to scrapbook, etc...etc....
Try to make your life a happy one....the other side of the pasture is really not greener. What is that old saying, "Bloom where you are planted". Does gardening appeal to you??? If you are lonely for adult conversation there is a world of volunteers out there doing miraculous things for people. Sometimes I just feel better by getting out and doing something for others.....kinda takes me out of my self. You may be lost temporarily but you will find your way.............by joining others who become good friends in helping out others in various organizations....i wish you well and you "are still a 'good girl'"!!!